Archive for October, 2009
• NBA Doubleheader. Chicago Bulls at Boston Celtics followed by Dallas Mavericks at Los Angeles Lakers. You know what? We’re only a week into the season and I’m already bored with NBA doubleheaders. [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
• College Football. West Virginia at South Florida. What is up with all these teams with directional names? Why not Bottom Virginia or Left Virginia? [ESPN2, 8:00 ET]
• Bull Riding. PBR Built Ford Tough World Finals. Why not? At least it’s not a doubleheader. [Versus, 9:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Young Frankenstein. Possibly my favorite Mel Brooks film. “Puttin’ on the RIHATZZZ!!” [AMC, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (October 30th)
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• Erin Andrews has a hot assistant, lots of security. [Busted Coverage]
• Derek Jeter would like to one day have a disease named after him. [Style Points]
• China Jack imitating Stephen Colbert. If you haven’t heard of China Jack, check him out. [PSAMP]
• It’s a couple of days late, but LeNoc would never let us down: this week’s installment of NSFWednesday. Today, it is called NSFridayW. Makes sense. [Melt Your Face Off]
• The story of how one man called Ray Lewis a pussy and lived to tell the tale. [Second-String Fullback]
• A very compelling explanation why NASCAR is not a sport. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Rob in WI recaps the week in the Big Ten. [The Phoenix Pub]
New Cubs owner Tom Ricketts wasted no time pissing on over 100 years of failure-filled Cubs tradition when he uttered the magic words that will lull Cubs fans into a dreamlike state until they wake up out of their euphoric trance next year in the middle of July realizing that words mean jack shit:
In his first public appearance since his family officially took ownership of the Cubs earlier this week, Tom Ricketts said flatly, “We’re going to win the World Series…’’
Wow. Just saying it was all it was going to take? I bet the previous owners of the Cubs feel pretty stupid now, huh?
Wait, let me try that out once:
Weed Against Speed so solemnly swears that I will be the first millionaire blogger and my house will be a palace constructed out of gold and diamonds that will have a moat surrounding it filled with mermaids and sturgeon that lay caviar eggs filled with vodka and when I eat the caviar I won’t get drunk but instead will be transported to a magical land where centaurs ride unicorns sitting on top of griffins while Jesus, Buddha and Shiva are the rhythm section to a band fronted by Kurt Cobain and Jim Croce and they kick out some badass jams while I sit on a cloud playing freecell on my laptop.
I’ll get back to you and let you know how it all turns out.
Ricketts’ vow: ‘We’re going to win the World Series’ [Chicago Sun-Times]
You know, sooner or later, I’m going to write something mean enough about an SI Cheerleader of the Week that it will get back to them and then their boyfriend is going to threaten to kick my ass. Hopefully, it won’t happen with this one because I’m in no mood. No mood I tell you!
Anyway, allow me to introduce you to the SI Cheerleader of the Week: Kayli Fahl, a delightfully cheery young lady who is a sophomore at the University of Cincinnati majoring in psychology (hey, a fellow pscyh psych major – good luck in the accounting field, Kayli). Like all of the other Cheerleaders of the Week, Kayli is a very unique person with a wide range of interests far beyond the cutthroat world of college cheerleading. Let’s explore them, shall we?
Caroline Wozniacki overcame severe leg cramps to beat Vera Zvonareva 6-0, 6-7 (3), 6-4 at the WTA Sony Ericksson Championships, even breaking into tears during one point in the match.
”I have absolutely no idea how I pulled it through, but I’m very happy about it,” she said.
Wozniacki said her leg started cramping at 3-1 in the third set.
”From there, it just got worse and worse,” she said. ”I’m feeling better now. I got to cool down, getting some massage. … I’m going to do everything tonight to recover to be ready for tomorrow.”
See, that’s why somebody needs to get in contact with Miss Wozniacki to let her know I’m willing to assist her in any way possible to work out those painful leg cramps. All I request is first-class airfare to Qatar and once I arrive, one bag of M&M’s and a bottle of Johnson’s® Baby Oil. Make that two bottles of Johnson’s® Baby Oil. I’m willing to share the baby oil, but the M&M’s are all mine, though.
Wozniacki Overcomes Leg Cramps at WTA Final [The New York Times/AP]
• That might be a bit harsh, but they don’t cater to the fans of the fairer sex very well. [Puck Daddy]
• What are your favorite athletes planning on dressing up as for Halloween? Chris Hanson’s Axe has the answers. [Style Points]
• When Jay-Z Met Buddy. Selig, that is. [Big League Stew]
• About all of those empty seats at Yankee Stadium… [Walkoff Walk]
• SI is back at it, pitting hockey player against hockey player in something Hex likes to refer to as “Douche War.” [Melt Your Face Off]
• Lovie Smith is officially on the Hot Seat in Chicago. I bet that’s nice this time of year. [Rumors and Rants]
In that they both have penises and their shared gender is the cause of all that is wrong in the world.
Just kidding (although I suspect that may be how she truly feels), but Navratilova did have some harsh words for Agassi regarding his admission that he took crystal meth and then lied about it to the ATP when his use turned up on a drug test.
“Shocking,” Navratilova said Thursday from Sarasota, Fla., in a phone interview. “Not as much shock that he did it as shock he lied about it and didn’t own up to it. He’s up there with Roger Clemens, as far as I’m concerned. He owned up to it (in the book), but it doesn’t help now.”
“Andre lied and got away with it,” Navratilova said. “You can’t correct that now. Do you take away a title he wouldn’t have won if he had been suspended? He beat some people when he should have been suspended.”
Despite Martina’s speculation, Agassi is likely to escape retroactive punishment by the ATP for his drug use, so what we’re left with are a bunch of outspoken tennis players condemning Agassi’s behavior, but despite their protests, little to nothing is going to come of it besides Agassi selling an assload more books than he otherwise would have. There’s no such thing as bad publicity, especially when you’re trying to move product.
Still, Navratilova isn’t sure how this all is going to affect Agassi’s legacy.
“How is it going to play out for him? I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t know why he would come out now.”
Wait, “why he would come out now”? Slow down there, sister. No one, including Agassi, has said anything about Agassi being gay. Maybe he’s saving that bombshell for his next book. He did marry Steffi Graf, for crying out loud. Ooooh, that’s a bit mean. I have never claimed I had a “large, protruding nose” for tasteful humor, you know what I mean?
Navratilova reaction to Agassi: ‘He lied’ [Yahoo!/AP]
Andre Agassi to escape punisment despite crystal meth confession [Daily Mirror]
I’m not sure what sort of issues the city of Green Bay faces other than all the empty cans of paint thinner that pollute its streets, but I can tell you that Mayor Jim Schmitt is obviously too obsessed with the upcoming Vikings-Packers game to get any actual work done.
You may recall that Schmitt has been soliciting suggestions from area residents regarding how to best welcome Brett Favre back to Green Bay. Now he’s kicking his manic dedication to all things Packers-related another notch: he’s changing street names, eating waffle fries and encouraging citizens to wear flip flops.
Unsexiest Women’s Jail Lesbian Fantasy Ever
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Phoenix Mercury (it’s a real team, trust me) player Diana Taurasi pleaded guilty to DUI charges and just spent a day in jail after the judge suspended nine days of her sentence.
Taurasi’s blood-alcohol level was 0.17 percent when she was pulled over on July 2 following a 93-81 victory over the Seattle Storm. That’s more than twice Arizona’s legal limit of 0.08 percent.
A police officer who stopped Taurasi’s vehicle after seeing it drift outside a traffic lane near downtown Phoenix claims she was driving nearly 20 mph over the 35 mph limit.
Her BAC was 0.17? Isn’t that a typical ratings share for a WNBA Finals game?
Don’t worry, I have a lot more of that kind of hilarity stored away where that came from. I call it my “Funny Box” which incidentally is the name Taurasi gave to her snizz.
Taurasi pleads guilty to DUI, serves day in jail [The Associated Press]
Sweet fancy Moses, whoever compiled this delightfully painful-to-watch video of skateboarders wiping out deserves a Peabody award, or whatever the comparable award you would give out to those who make YouTube compilation videos of people doing stupid shit and getting horribly injured…a Depictions of Darwinsism at Work in the Documentary Field Award?
Nah. That’s too wordy. How about we just give them a Grammy? Nobody wants those worthless trinkets anyway.
[H/T With Leather]
• World Series. New York Yankees 3, Philadelphia Phillies 1. A.J. Burnett outdueled Pedro Martinez, pitching seven strong innings (4 H, 1E R, 9 K) as Mark Teixeira and Hideki Matsui each hit solo shots of Martinez. Mariano Rivera came in and closed out the game with a two-inning save and now the series is tied 1-1. [MLB.com]
• NHL. Edmonton Oilers 6, Detroit Red Wings 5 (SO). Patrick O’Sullivan scored the lone goal of the shootout for Edmonton after Detroit stormed all the way back from a 5-1 defecit to still lose. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA. Chicago Bulls 92, San Antonio Spurs 85. Derrick Rose paced Chicago with 13 points and 7 assists as the Bulls overcame Tim Duncan’s 28 points and 16 rebounds to win their opening game. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• In a way, their a perfect match: both have the same attention spans. A 112-year-old Somali man has married his sixth bride, a 17-year-old girl he hopes will bear children so his 80-year-old son will have a new playmate. No, really. He has an 80-year-old son. Ahmed Muhamed Dore, who grew up in the same village and waited for the girl to “grow up,” stated that “I didn’t force her, but used my experience to convince her of my love, and then we agreed to marry.” Yep. Experience. Does experience involve stealing her out of her bed in the middle of the night and placing her in a burlap sack? Surprisingly, the bride, Safia Abdulleh, had no comment, but is reportedly “happy with her new husband.” This story is a comedy treasure trove, but I’m going to let it go. For now. [AOL]
Great find by the fine blog Total Pro Sports chronicling one man’s passion for the New York Yankees combined with his inability to get around by walking.
Hey, no matter what, gotta support the team, right?
Wait. That’s two Seinfeld references in one post. Do I now have to resign my position in the Bloggers Alliance?
Wait. Another subtle TV show reference. You know what? I think I’ll just stop now before I go America all over everybody’s ass.
Shit.
Yankees Fan Expresses Loyalty Through Crazy Motorized Wheelchair [Total Pro Sports]
• World Series. Game 2, Philadelphia Phillies at New York Yankees. If the Yankees don’t win tonight, my guess is that they will be down 2 games to 0. Just a hunch. [FOX, 7:30 ET]
• College Football. North Carolina at Virginia Tech. I give the Hokies the edge in this game. I believe they will win on a technicality. [ESPN, 7:30 ET]
• NBA Basketball Doubleheader. First up, San Antonio Spurs at Chicago Bulls, followed by Denver Nuggets at Portland Trail Blazers. The last time I was this excited about a doubleheader was when I went to that freak show on the outskirts of town. One of us! One of us! [TNT, 8:00 ET]
• Must-See TV. Catch all the shows on NBC (call me crazy, but I see big things coming for this 30 Rock show), then switch over to FX to catch a new episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia followed by the premiere of The League. At least I think it’s the premiere. [NBC, 8:00 ET/FX, 10:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (October 29th)
Posted by:• Play Match Game with SP. Winner gets a free lapdance from ClintonPortishead! [Style Points]
• Spud spotlights an unnecessary, creepy product and he does not disappoint. [Food Court Lunch]
• A comprehensive breakdown of Game 1 of the World Series. [More Hardball]
• I didn’t think it possible, but the singing chops of the New York Knicks are as bad as their play on the court. Yikes. [The Legend of Cecilio Guante]
• Soccer hooligan makes like Mike Tyson, bites off chunk of rival’s ear. [Last Angry Fan]
• Bill Simmons’ new book can stop a bullet? Get outta here! [First Cuts]
Various St. Louis media types were recently asked to provide their thoughts for a column in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch about the future of Rick Ankiel as a Cardinal, since the emergence of rookie Colby Rasmus likely means that the free agent will not be re-signed by the team.
Honestly I could not care less about what happens to Rick Ankiel. Personally, I think the whole story about his redemption from disgraced pitcher to servicable outfielder was a tad overblown, to say the least.
I do care, however, about the sensitivity of one Will Leitch. He would have been a worthy addition to any discussion regarding Rick Ankiel, given his obsessive, unhealthy man-crush on the centerfielder.
Shame on you, St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The legacy of Rick Ankiel in St. Louis [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
