Archive for September, 2009
Steve Blass has had a good life. Currently a broadcaster for the Pittsburgh Pirates, Blass was the hero of the 1971 World Series for the Buccos (although he did finish second to teammate Roberto Clemente in the MVP voting), pitching two complete game victories (including Game 7) against the Baltimore Orioles, where he yielded only seven hits and two runs in 18 innings.
The current version of the Pirates probably wish some of his good fortune would rub off on them, because Blass just hit two hole-in-ones in the same round.
Former Pittsburgh Pirates World Series star Steve Blass made two holes-in-one in a span of 11 holes during the team’s annual alumni golf outing.
Blass’s first hole-in-one Thursday at Greensburg County Club came with an 8-iron at the 154-yard, par-3 15th hole – because of the format, his fivesome started on the back nine.
His second ace came with a 7-iron on the 175-yard, par-3 seventh hole.
What a lucky son of a bitch. I often wonder how people are able to swing a club so well with their lucky horseshoe crammed up their ass.
Because of this accomplishment, I imagine Rick Reilly now hates this bastard with the heat of a thousand suns. But that’s probably still not as much as he hates himself.
Pitching ace(s): Blass has 2 holes-in-1 [Golf.com]
In light of Jeff Reed’s heroic achievements last night, which included the primo party dude/kicker nailing a 33-yard field goal to lift the Steelers to a dramatic 13-10 overtime victory over the Titans, I am pleased to introduce the first of what should be several Jeff Reed Kicks Game-Winning Field Goal Commemorative Post, where we not only honor his achievements on the field, but also pay homage to how he lives his life off the field.
And that’s as a grade-A, certifiably awesome, bitchin’ bro-man. Man.
• Breaking news: the “Girls of the ACC” issue of Playboy hits newsstands today. Here’s the inside scoop. [Busted Coverage]
• The triumphant return of “Always Be Covering.” [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Peter Vecsey delivered a speech last night at some event involving the Basketball Hall of Fame festivities that was “hilariously awkward.” And that might be an understatement. Sheesh. [Ball Don't Lie]
• Never let a University of Michigan student use MS Paint. [EDSBS]
• Saberhagendaaz previews the Kansas City Chiefs with the assistance of Brian Jeff, Corporate Magician. [Style Points]
• Hex previews the New York Islanders with the assistance of Islanders general manager Garth Snow. [Melt Your Face Off]
• A video about a fat southern kid and his love for bacon. [Tirico Suave]
God bless Waggle Room for finding this little nugget: Michelle Wie’s brand spanking new blog. It is hard to believe, considering who she is and her life, but Michelle Wie just became that much more interesting.
Wie describes her new blog, Black Flamingo, as “a mindless blog about life…and the stuff that doesn’t quite fit in,” and I have to say, it is quite intriguing. The above photo is from her post, “wanna show some skin?” where not only does she model this little number but she shows those who are interested how to make this outfit, including this important step:
the top part of the dress…i just cut out a strip that was wide enough to cover my boobies. and then i folded the corners to make the shape…pretty easy stuff
Awesome.
One would think that an organization like the AIBA would have at least one person associated with it that would have seen how inappropriate their actions were regarding such a sensitive issue, let alone how foolish they were to get into this mess in the first place. I guess situations like these should hardly be surprising anymore, but that doesn’t take away the fact that they should be soundly condemned.
Four officials of the Mongolia team were expelled from the world boxing championships on Thursday for allegedly trying to bribe a referee with a watch.
The Mongolian boxers, their coaches and team doctor were allowed to stay on in Milan to the end of the championships on Saturday, the International Amateur Boxing Association said on its Web site.
I cannot believe the level of political incorrectness displayed here by a normally well-respected governing body. Mongolian? I believe the preferred nomenclature is Down Syndrome. People stopped referring to them as Mongolians years ago. Shame on you, AIBA.
First of all, you cannot expect them to understand all of the rules and regulations that go along with international competition. Perhaps the officials with Down Syndrome, in their innocence, simply wanted to give the referee a watch as a friendly gesture and were not aware that it would be a violation.
And why is AIBA allowing these courageous individuals to compete against boxers who don’t have special needs themselves? That is what the Special Olympics were specifically designed for, not the world boxing championships, for Pete’s sake!
Eunice Kennedy Shriver would be spinning in her grave right now if she weren’t dead.
Mongolia officials kicked out of boxing worlds for bribing referee [SI.com/AP]
As you can see, Iowa State tight end Kurt Hammerschmidt has been suspended indefinitely by the team in connection with his arrest for DUI last Monday.
(Wait for it, wait for it…)
Hammerschmidt? More like Hammeredschmidt, amirite?
Booyah!!!
That’s why you read the Sportress, baby! Wit like that doesn’t just fall from the sky, my friends!
What’s that? Not clever? I beg to differ.
In any event, it’s time to face front, true believer! It’s only going to get better from here!
So, did my Stan Lee “true believer” impression do anything for ya? No? Well, it does sound better out loud.
Hammerschmidt suspended after arrest [Go Cyclones]
• MLB Roundup. The last-place Royals completed the three-game sweep of the first-place Detroit Tigers, winning 7-4. John Lackey pitched a five-hit shutout for his first complete game of the season as the Angels blanked the Mariners 3-0. The Rockies wrapped up a 9-1 homestand by beating the Reds 5-1 while increasing their lead in the wild card race to 4 1/2 games over San Francisco. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• National Football League. The Pittsburgh Steelers won their season opener 13-10 in overtime over the Tennessee Titans on Jeff Reed’s 33-yard field goal. Ben Roethlisberger struggled early but finished strong, going 33-43 for 363 yards and Santonio Holmes making nine catches for 131 yards. [NFL.com]
• U.S. Open. Sixth seed Juan Martin del Potro beat sixteenth seed Marin Cilic 4-6, 6-3, 6-2, 6-1 to reach the semifinals. The quarterfinal match between Rafael Nadal (No. 2) and Fernando Gonzalez (No. 11) was suspended due to rain in the second set during the tiebreaker. Nadal won the first set 7-6. [USOpen.org]
• Wasn’t there a Perry Mason episode called “The Case Of The Re-Attached Penis”? A Turkish court will delay making a verdict for 18 months in a case where a woman is charged with cutting off her lover’s penis. The delay is in part to deterimine whether the man’s re-attached penis is functional. According to a source, “To determine which crime was committed, we first need the report. We’ll continue holding hearings in the trial from time to time until we receive the report.” I’m pretty sure I know what crime was committed – she cut off the dude’s penis. Who cares whether it works again or not? Well, besides the guy with the re-attached penis, that is. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
Need I say more? Just make sure your ass is planted in front of an HD television at 8:30 eastern (or 8:00 if you want to be irritated by the fanfare of “NFL Opening Kickoff 2009″ and be prepared to give thanks to the Football Gods for bestowing upon us our beloved game for another season. You will only need a few things to make this an out-of-sight evening:
- Beer
- Friends
- Friends with beer
- Ample seating
- Did I mention beer?
Enjoy everyone. As a wise young chap named Garry Wallace once said in a classic ’80s film, “See you guys in the emergency room.”
Well, not really. Just have fun tonight. Go ahead and Wang Chung tonight.
• Caged camel that makes fake football picks boycotts Michael Vick and the Eagles. [With Leather]
• Clinton Portis is already in midseason form when it comes to providing good quotes. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• Another strange erotic journey through the KSK Fantasy Sex/Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Be sure to head over to SP and vote in their “Worst Starting RB in the NFL” poll. [Style Points]
• MJD’s envisions what John Madden’s first seven suggestions will be to Roger Goodell. [Shutdown Corner]
• Alex Ovechkin drives a zamboni in Manattan. Not as good as when the Muppets took Manhattan, but not bad. [Puck Daddy]
• These guys are damn proud they aren’t responsible for writing the worst sports column ever. [Bootlegger Sports]
Alright, if you haven’t been able to tell yet, today I a serious case of NFL football on the brain and haven’t been able to focus as much attention on the Sportress as I usually act like I do. And for that, I would like to apologize.
With that said (or typed), here are a few photos that the cheerleaders for the New York Jets a/k/a The Jets Flight Crew did for a Maxim photo shoot. Enjoy.
Additional photos are available for ogling over at Epic Carnival if you need more material in order to make deposit in the spank bank, you perverts.
According to something called the Team Marketing Report, the average price for a beer in an NFL stadium this season will be $6.80. Some example of prices, via Game On!:
In the home city of Anheuser-Busch, the St. Louis Rams will charge $8.75 for their lowest-priced offering: a 20-ounce beer.
The Cincinnati Bengals will offer a 14-ounce beer for $5.
The Detroit Lions, who finished 0-16 last season, will charge $8.50 for their beers. Which means Lions fans “should avoid crying” in their suds, notes TMR.
What a steal! But when you think about it, there are many reasons why this is a good deal. For instance, the beer is already served to you at the temperature of urine so your body has to do far less work processing it, which is nice. Further, on some occasions, you can actually have it delivered to you right in your seat, forcing you to get to know everyone you are sharing a row with as they pass the sweet, sweet elixir down to you. Sure, they now know that you suffer from a debilitating case of alcoholism, but it’s always good to share.
NFL beers will cost nearly $7 this season [Game On!]
Off-Topic: Fun With Random Internet Ads
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If you are lucky enough to have become a regular reader of the Sportress, you are well aware of the fact that I am easily amused by some of the most trivial things I come across while making my way around the internets.
Great news! The NFL has decided to somewhat alter its blackout policy, where home games are blacked out in television markets when all tickets are not sold prior to 72 hours before kickoff, but with a catch.
Facing the prospect of an increased number of television blackouts this season because of sluggish ticket sales in some cities, the NFL announced Thursday that games that are blacked out on TV in the local market of the home team will be shown on a delayed basis online in their entirety on the league’s Web site.
The games will be free in the affected markets, according to the NFL’s announcement, and will be available for 72 hours beginning at midnight on the day of the game. They won’t be available during “Monday Night Football” telecasts, the league announced.
• These guys got mentioned by gorgeous gal Malin Akerman in an interview with Esquire. Well done, gents. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Brady Quinn: starter for the Cleveland Browns. [With Leather]
• Classy story (really): Dick Vitale is going to pay for the funeral of a teenager who was tragically murdered that he never met. Despite all the ribbing we give him, the guy is a class act. [The Dagger]
• Business_Socks busts out his Atlanta Falcons preview. [Style Points]
• Christmas Ape breaks down the latest twists and turns in the Roethlisberger case in a way only he can. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Absolutely fantastic piece by First Derivative about how ways in which the NHL can improve. If you’re a hockey fan, definitely take the time to read this post. Excellent. [The Phoenix Pub]
• The inside scoop on the theft of the stealing of the Cal Ripken monument. I can’t wait until they trace this one all the way back to Kevin Costner – you just know he as behind it all. [Busted Coverage]
Now, I’m not a lawyer and I do not intend to imply that I could possibly understand all of the ins-and-outs of a very complicated case, but this decision strikes me as bizarre. In a legal filing presented to the court on Tuesday, Calvin Dunlap, attorney for Andrea McNulty, would like Ben Roethlisberger to answer the following question:
“Who’s Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?”
From a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review report (via The Huddle):
A lawyer for a Nevada casino worker accusing Ben Roethlisberger of sexually assaulting her last year at a Lake Tahoe resort wants a list of every woman the Steelers quarterback has slept with and any who have claimed sexual misconduct on his part.
…Dunlap also requested, among other things, Roethlisberger’s telephone and e-mail records and for him to undergo psychiatric and physical examinations.
