Archive for September, 2009
Fun With Headlines: Ugh
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The writers at the New York Post are renowned for their puntastic headlines, but this one is total weaksauce.
“Pey-dirt”? Come on, man. Whoever came up with that one should get a week’s suspension without pey. Talk about overpeying a person for marginal effort. He’s probably the type of guy who lets his female cat out to roam the streets without getting her speyed. No sir, it is time for you to pey the piper.
Pey.
Colts hit Pey-dirt in Miami [New York Post]
I Didn’t Know Hasselbeck Was An Italian Name
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“Fra-gee-lay? That must be Italian.”
That must also be what Seahawks fans are beginning to think about their starting quarterback. After missing nine games last season with an injured back, Matt Hasselbeck might miss Seattle’s upcoming game against the Bears due to a fractured rib suffered when he attempted to dive into the endzone and was hit hard by 49ers linebacker Patrick Willis, although Hasselbeck insists he will do his best to give it a go next Sunday.
I got the wind knocked out of me,” Hasselbeck said. “I couldn’t breathe.”
And at that point, there was a gasp among anyone concerned with the potential of this Seahawks’ season. On Monday, Hasselbeck disarmed the severity of the situation with a joke.
“My face turned red, maybe even purple,” Hasselbeck said.
Ha! I’m sure Seahawks fans love that Hasselbeck can make light of his injuries. Considering that it seems the guy gets hurt every other game, by the end of the season Hasselbeck might have enough material for Open Mic Night at the hospital.
Despite fractured rib, Matt Hasselbeck says he might play Sunday [The Seattle Times]
Seahawks QB Hasselbeck has fractured rib [Yahoo!/AP]
• NFL. Indianapolis got whipped in time of possession, having the ball for only 14:53, but made the most of it, beating Miami 27-23. Manning finished 14-23 for 303 yards as the Colts improved to 2-0. [Yahoo!]
• MLB Roundup. Three Twins pitchers combined to shut out the White Sox 7-0 as Minnesota climbed to only 2 1/2 games back of Detroit in the AL Central. Chipper Jones homered and drove in four runs as Atlanta kept its playoff hopes alive by beating the Mets 11-3. Chase Headely had five hits, including one that scored the go-ahead run in the 11th as the Padres defeated the Pirates 11-6. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• MMA. Forty-seven year old Herschel Walker has signed a multi-fight deal with promoter Strikeforce. Great idea. [Reuters]
• Note to self: don’t point guns at own head. Aptly-named James Looney, 40, of Imperial, Mo., insisted on teaching his girlfriend gun safety before their trip to a shooting range. He was demonstrating various safety mechanisms on several guns by pointing them at his head and pulling the trigger. I guess the third time was the charm as the third gun went off, fatally wounding him. Police suspect alcohol may have been involved. You think? [AOL News]
Productive at work, at least.
Most people would agree that to most effectively use the internet, you need, you know, the internet. Such was the conundrum I found myself in when I reported to the place that gives me paychecks (I avoid use of the word “job” since one can hardly call what I do there “work”).
You see, internet access was unavailable at my place of employment today. It appears that our crappy modem crapped out over the weekend. As a consequence, as I’m sure most of you noticed, there was no tremendously entertaining content here at the Sportress today.
Have no fear. The internet access at work issue should be resolved tomorrow and I will also take the necessary precautions to make sure some regularly scheduled content gets posted tomorrow. Usually, I have a few posts good to go before I leave for work, but one of the consequences of my participation in last night’s incredibly enjoyable live blog was it caused me to oversleep. And believe me, I do not envision keeping such late hours again this evening.
See you tomorrow, folks, and enjoy Monday Night Football.
Site News: I Heard The Sportress Sucks Live
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Whether you are celebrating your favorite team’s big win or collossal loss, be sure to stop on by the Sportress tonight for a live blog of the Giants-Cowboys game tonight. Believe me, you will want something to take your mind off Chris Collinsworth’s inane ramblings, and sometimes, booze can’t do it all on its own. Festivities will begin approximately 8:15 eastern. I reckon I’ll be pretty loosey-goosey by that point, so it should be interesting.
That’s right. Last Call is at the Sportress tonight. The Phoenix Pub and I engaged in a little swapping – it’s just our way of keeping things fresh and interesting.
Shakey from Style Points is co-hosting the event with me and I am sure there will be tons lots dozens several a few of your favorite characters from the internets hanging out. Be there or be square.
So, stop! Have a beer, it’s on me.
What a friggin’ week, folks. The Sportress got a huge link from Hot Clicks on a post about Michelle Wie’s new blog only for the good fortune to ultimately cause the blog to crash. Ugh.
But through the kindness of others, we were able to get it back online and try to make a decent week out of it. Whether I accomplished that or not I suppose is up to you guys.
• College Football. Boise State at Fresno State. Neither Boise nor Fresno are states. What gives? [ESPN, 9:00 ET]
• Boxing. Friday Night Fights. Giovanni Andrade (52-11, 41 KOs) vs. Guillermo Rigondeaux (2-0, 2 KOs). Would be more interesting of a fight if it was Giovanni Ribisi taking on Guillermo del Toro. [ESPN2, 9:00 ET]
• I been reading this book, on Leonardo de Vinci. See, that means ‘from Vinci’, did you know that? Nostradamus Effect: Da Vinci’s Armageddon. “A secret code in Leonardo Da Vinci’s writings, sketches and artistic masterpieces may predict a great deluge that will wipe out mankind.” If Dan Brown didn’t write about it, I ain’t believing it. [History, 9:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Troy. This movie was somewhat panned by critics, but I thought it was half-decent. Although I think Troy is kind of lame name for a city. I would have went with something a little more masculine, like Frank, or Testicles. [FX, 7:30 ET]
• Chad Ochocinco. Still a douchebag. [With Leather]
• Another informative edition of Unsilent Majority’s “Always Be Covering.” [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Today’s Chick-A-Click is chock-full of chicks to click, which is nice. [Busted Coverage]
• I missed it, but the Week Two Pammy Winners were announced yesterday. Good stuff. [Awful Announcing]
• Another entertaining edition of “What Were You Thinking.” Excellent as always, Hex. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Antonio Bryant is a little girl. [The Phoenix Pub]
John Echeverria, attorney for Ben Roethlisberger, is now requesting that the court punish opposing counsel in the case, Calvin Dunlap, for bringing a frivolous lawsuit against his client on behalf of the accuser.
Sweet fancy Moses.
God bless your wonderful institution of higher learning, Arizona State University. And God bless Sports Illustrated, too. The Lord’s work is truly being accomplished through both of you.
Jesus Christ, with all of this God-blessing, I beginning to feel like I’m turning into Tiny Tim – except in my pants. That’s a different story altogether.
I am pleased as punch to present Lisa Charisse Blanco, a buxom sophomore currently enrolled at ASU majoring in broadcasting/journalism.
Other than that, I really have nothing much to add.
You have to give credit to YouTube guy mknobbe for recreating Brandon Stokley’s amazing “Immaculate Deflection” touchdown from last Sunday on Tecmo Bowl. If I had that kind of time, this blog might actually be readable.
And for those of you either too young to get the 10-Yard Fight reference or weren’t allowed to play video games because your overly-religious parents believed video games were the work of the Devil and interfered with snake-handling lessons, here’s a link to what we poor souls used to call a football video game.
The horror…the horror.
[H/T With Leather]
• Need I say more? [Don Chavez via Epic Carnival]
• G’day, inanimate object. Australian footballer fined for dry-humping a parking meter. [Busted Coverage]
• Some holier-than-thou organization wants to deprive out nation’s children of seeing ads for beer and boner pills during sports broadcasts. What happened to our country? [Bootlegger Sports]
• The new Twins stadium, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and you. A bang-up job done by Chuck Knoblockhead. A must read. [Style Points]
• An unbelievably informative and thorough breakdown of week 2 in fantasy football. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Linda McMahon, wife of WWE’s Vince McMahon, is running for the Senate. What happened to our country? [With Leather]
According to Dictionary.com, the definition of the word incognito can be one the following:
in⋅cog⋅ni⋅to
-adjective
1. having one’s identity concealed, as under an assumed name, esp. to avoid notice or formal attentions.
–adverb
2. with the real identity concealed: to travel incognito.
–noun
3. a person who is incognito.
4. the state of being incognito.
5. the disguise or character assumed by an incognito.
Therefore, how in the hell can Richie Incognito be a marked man? Hello? This does not make sense to me at all, but at the same time, few things do.
Rams’ Richie Incognito: “I’m a marked man” [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
“Hey, I’ll tell you what. You can get a good look at a second baseman’s ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn’t you rather to take his word for it?”
“What? I’m failing to make the connection here.”
“No, I mean is, you can get a good look at his VORP by sticking your head up a player’s ass… No, wait. It’s gotta be your VORP.”
Hey, I know it’s weak, but come on, it’s Friday. Leave me alone.
Incidentally, I heard Evan Rachel Wood did the same thing once to Brian Dennehy. It’s how she got her start in the business. Don’t feel too bad for her, though. Word on the street is that Dennehy has the cleanest colon in Tinseltown.
[H/T Big League Stew]
