Archive for September, 2009
• San Francisco 49ers malcontent Michael Crabtree is simply getting a leg-up on postseason fun preparation, fools! [Style Points]
• Some real funny Philadelphia Phillies photoshops. [More Hardball]
• Police officers enjoy playing with other people’s Wiis. [With Leather]
• Positively terrifying screengrab of Jerry Jones on Joe Buck Live last night. [The Sports Hernia]
• The Edmonton Eskimos have cheerleaders? WTF? [The World Of Isaac]
• How off the presses! Get your Atlanta Thrashers season preview! [Melt Your Face Off]
Gahhh!!! Kill it!!!
Hoo boy, that is one scary photo I found there – which has absolutely nothing to do with this post – but I couldn’t pass it up.
Chris Berman was honored last night at the Dallas All Sports Association banquet, when he was presented with the Pat Summerall Award, which goes to “a deserving recipient who through their career has demonstrated the character, integrity and leadership both on and off the job.”
Wait, leadership both on and off the job? Don’t the folks at the Dallas All Sports Association have access to YouTube on their computers?
Is that…is that Hypocritical Bitch’s music I’m hearing???
When I heard the news that Linda McMahon, wife of WWE mastermind Vince McMahon, would be seeking the Republican nomination for U.S. Senate in Connecticut, I have to admit that I was bit skeptical. Living in Minnesota, I have already endured Jesse Ventura running for, and miraculously becoming (yes, I voted for him – I was young), Governor of my fine state, so I have had my fill of people associated with professional wrestling assuming prestigious roles within our government.
Nevertheless, something wasn’t quite right about Linda McMahon’s quest – that is, until I learned that she didn’t vote in the 2008 Republican presidential primary after John McCain was deemed the likely GOP nominee, then I was sure she would be a perfect fit in Washington.
Overheard during the unveiling of the Tommy Lasorda painting at the Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery on Tuesday…
Jamie McCourt: I sense great vulnerability. A land child crying out for love, an innocent orphan in the post-modern world.
Frank McCourt: I see a parasite.
Jamie McCourt: A sexually-depraved miscreant, who is seeking to gratify only his most basic and immediate urges….
Later…
Jamie McCourt: He is struggled, he is man-struggled. He lifts my spirit!
Frank McCourt: He is a loathsome, offensive brute, yet I can’t look away.
Jamie McCourt: He transcends time and space.
Frank McCourt: He sickens me.
Jamie McCourt: I love it.
Frank McCourt: Me too.
[H/T "The Letter"]
Happy birthday, Tommy Lasorda. Here’s a museum portrait for you [Los Angeles Times]
You have to give the Minnesota Twins credit. They have now lost both corner infielders, Justin Morneau and Joe Crede, to season-ending injuries, their starting rotation has been plagued by injuries and inconsistency, yet they have kept on fighting, still hanging around at 2 1/2 games behind the AL Central-leading Detroit Tigers.
But I think they may have gone too far this time. Are they trying to prove a point? Making light of a person’s handicap? I’m not sure, but plugging in Special Olympian Matt Tolbert at third base (pictured here from his childhood days at the Special Olympics) may have crossed the line of good taste. Although it should be pointed out that Tolbert went 1-4 last night against non-special needs players – well, it was the White Sox, so that could be argued to the contrary – including hitting a home run in the sixth inning which ended up as the game-winning run in Minnesota’s 8-6 win over the White Sox.
I admire the courage displayed by Tolbert (and you have to be touched by the child-like look of joy on his face in the above photo) – it kind of had a Jason McElwain vibe to it – but in the end, this may cause more harm than any good that could come out of it.
Four homers stung Chicago after it got into the Twins bullpen early [Star Tribune]
• MLB Roundup. In the AL Central race, the Twins beat the White Sox 8-6 while the Tigers beat the Indians 3-1, keeping Detroit’s lead over Minnesota at 2 1/2 games. Zack Greinke continued to make his case for the Cy Young award, going into Boston and pitching six scoreless innings. Greinke is 3-0 with a 0.26 ERA over his past five games. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• NCAA. James Isch was appointed as the interim president of the NCAA, replacing Myles Brand, who died last week after a battle with pancreatic cancer. [The Associated Press]
• Boxing. Floyd Mayweather, Jr. has agreed to pay the IRS $5.6 million in back taxes out of his $10 million in winnings from his fight Saturday against Juan Manuel Marquez. [Los Angeles Times]
• At least the guy wasn’t shooting his co-workers. Myles Weathers, a postal worker in western Massachusetts, has pleaded guilty to stealing over 30,000 DVDs that were shipped through US Mail by Netflix. Federal prosecutors were alerted by Netflix after more than 100 DVDs a week were disappearing. By the way, I checked and Crash is the most rented movie through Netflix. Seriously? I thought it would be a fine piece of cinema, like Failure to Launch. [AOL News]
Due to The Phoneix Pub and the Sportress pulling the old switcheroo last week due to technical difficulties on my part, the fact that I was on Last Call detail this evening really snuck up on me. Here I am, going about my day without realizing I was on the hook and therefore not even giving it a moments thought what the theme would be for tonight.
So, I’m flying by the seat of my pants today, folks. I did an image search for last call and the above image appeared. Doritos Late Night Last Call Jalepeno Popper. First of all, I had no idea that such a product existed and second, what sort of moron would willingly injest said snack chip? All I can think is that after way too many beers, the last thing you would want to do is eat these things. I imagine that the next morning your asshole would feel like the inside of one of those old cigarette car lighters. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you woke up in the middle of the night, all you would have to do is take off your underwear and walk backwards while looking over your shoulder and you would have an ample glow emanating from your butthole to light the way.
With that mental image firmly burned into your brain, let’s move on the usual routine. But first, can you guys think of any other snacks/meals that you happily feast upon after a night of drinking only to regret it with every inch of your digestive system the following day?
• Major League Baseball. New York Yankees at Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. It’s just like the postseason, only less important. [MLB Network, 10:00 ET]
• Minor League Baseball. Bricktown Showdown: Durham Bulls vs. Memphis Redbirds. They are naming minor league teams after movies now? Weird. [ESPN2, 7:00 ET]
• Probably better than their original idea, Daughters of Pacifism. Sons of Anarchy. Tonight’s episode: “Fix”: “The League takes bold new steps in the quest to undermine Samcro, forcing the club to take explosive measures; Clay and Gemma struggle to communicate; Tara receives a crash course in how to lay claim to her man.” I really have to start watching this show. Does that make me a hypocrite for recommending it? Like I care. [FX, 10:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Bloodsport. I don’t remember the film all that well, but I’m pretty sure Jean-Claude Van Damme fights people…and wins! [Versus, 8:00 ET]
• Some guy drained a putt from 200 feet. Meh. I do it all the time – sure it takes me 4 strokes, but I do it. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Cheerleaders being cheerleader-y [With Leather]
• Tim Tebow, Baby-Heisman posing. [Busted Coverage]
• NASCAR just went from bad to worse. Find out how. [Bootlegger Sports]
Now that the NFL season has two weeks in the books, it’s time for two things to occur, which happen every year like clockwork:
- People discussing which 0-2 teams can come back and make the playoffs (backed up by statistics about which teams have done it in the past) and
- Which 2-0- teams are going to face each other in the Super Bowl.
Which brings us to Pete Prisco. Apparently, this guy does the NFL Power Rankings for CBS.com and he feels that with both the Jets and the Giants sitting at 2-0, it’s time to start talking a New York-New York (or New Jersey-New Jersey) Super Bowl.
Damn, just when you think Versus is going to drop the ball with their coverage of sporting events no one seems to care about, they go ahead and pull something like this…
And totally redeem themselves!
That’s right, fans of second tier football leagues: if you thought Versus was just going to half-ass it, you will be surprised to learn that the beleaguered network is going all out for its UFL coverage.
Kordell Stewart and Doug Flutie (One’s Gay, One’s a Midget!) have joined the UFL announcing crew. Via Awful Announcing:
The United Football League announced today that four highly talented broadcasters will lead the television coverage of the UFL on VERSUS. Veteran play-play announcer Dave Sims joins the broadcast booth with color analyst and former NFL standout Doug Flutie. Former Steelers Quarterback Kordell Stewart and radio and television host Anita Marks will serve as sideline and features reporters.
“We have assembled a top-notch team to lead our inaugural telecasts on VERSUS,” said Frank Vuono, COO of the UFL. “The combined football experience and knowledge of Dave, Doug, Kordell and Anita will help us provide unprecedented access to professional football while allowing the home viewer prime viewing position that will truly make them feel like they are part of the action.”
Top notch, indeed. And when Doug Flutie cannot see the field from the booth, he can get right up on Kordell’s shoulders and get a great view of the action going on below.
Just a piece of advice, Mr. Flutie – insist than when you are on his shoulders, Kordell is facing the field as well. He’s sneaky, that guy.
Versus Announces Their UFL Broadcast Team [Awful Announcing]
• Video of Clemson fans being babies and ESPN guys making fun of them. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Detroit Lions fans cheer when someone gets ejected from the game. That’s solidarity. [With Leather]
• More photos showing why BC loves college football. [Busted Coverage]
• MYFO is rolling out season previews like nobody’s business. Get caught up, fools! [Melt Your Face Off]
• Business_Socks has the inside info on how the player-coach meeting for the Pittsburgh Steelers went. [Style Points]
• Oh, Wade Phillips and Jerry Jones…will you guys ever work it out? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Fresh Fish! Burress Sentenced To Two Years
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Showing up at Court with his pregnant wife, son, father, stepmother and grandmother, Plaxico Burress began to cry as he was sentenced to two years in prison for accidentally shooting himself in the leg at a New York City nightclub last year.
Burress had originally faced a minimum sentence of 3 1/2 years on those charges if convicted at trial.
He will spend the night at Rikers Island before being moved to Downstate Correctional facility for evaluation. It is not known where Burress will serve his prison term.
I don’t care whether you believe Burress is getting what he deserves or if you think this is a miscarriage of justice, that sounds harsh. I believe New York Post commenter Tincan Louie’s thoughts, which he posted regarding the article, sum up this situation quite well:
Tincan Louie
09/22/2009 11:09 AM
People named Plaxico and guns are a recipe for bad things. He should stick with playing football
Indeed, Tincan Louie. How very, very true.
Plax sheds tears; judge gives him 2 years [New York Post]
Nick Swisher, in his first season with the New York Yankees, couldn’t have asked for things to turn out better. He’s playing some of the best baseball of his career, batting .252 with 27 home runs and 79 RBI on a first place team and has used his heightened social status to land attractive actress Joanna Garcia.
In a sitdown with Jimmy Traina of SI.com’s Extra Mustard, Swisher dished on how great it is to be Nick Swisher, how Garcia is “his lady” and his favorite television shows, among other things.
Traina comes right out and presses Swisher for the status of his relationship with the lovely Garcia.
SI.com: You were a big part of Hot Clicks last Wednesday, because we featured your rumored girlfriend, actress Joanna Garcia. Can you confirm or deny?
Swisher: She is my lady. Joanna is my lady.
Now, I’m not very good at word math, but something ain’t right with the above equation. But once again, showing the no one in Hollywood has a good idea ever anymore, above is the movie poster for Disney’s upcoming cinematic afterbirth, The Tooth Fairy. A synopsis, via Rotten Tomatoes:
After the success of THE GAME PLAN, Dwayne Johnson returns to family comedy with this film that has the brawny ex-wrestler forced to be a tooth fairy. Kids and parents alike will surely giggle at the thought of The Rock in a tutu. Ashley Judd costars, with Michael Lembeck (THE SANTA CLAUSE 2) at the helm.
