Archive for September, 2009
Submitted for your approval is this week’s SI Cheerleader of the Week, Danielle Hilliard. She is a junior majoring in Criminology at the University of…
Western Ontario?? What the fuck? A Canadian college? First of all, I didn’t even know they had colleges in Canada – you know, way up there – but they have cheerleaders too? And from the looks of it, they breed ‘em pretty nice up there.
Good job, Canada.
Wayne Gretzky has announced that he will step down as head coach of the Phoenix Coyotes, putting to an end of controversy surrounding the clusterfuck of a franchise. Gretzky’s coaching record for the Coyotes was an abysmal 143-161-24 with no playoff appearances.
From Gretzky.com (via a very informative post on Puck Daddy):
“This was a difficult decision that I’ve thought long and hard about,” said Gretzky. “We all hoped there would be a resolution earlier this month to the Coyotes ownership situation, but the decision is taking longer than expected. Since both remaining bidders have made it clear that I don’t fit into their future plans, I approached General Manger Don Maloney and suggested he begin looking for someone to replace me as coach. Don has worked hard and explored many options. I think he has made an excellent choice, and so now it’s time for me to step aside.
“The Coyotes scouting staff has put together a great group of young and talented players who are going to improve tremendously over the next few years,” continued Gretzky. “I’m proud of the team we’ve assembled, the organization with which I’ve been associated and the thousands of dedicated fans who have never wavered in their support of this young team. I’m confident that the best is yet to come for hockey in Phoenix.”
“I want to thank every staff member of the Phoenix Coyotes, past and present. It was a real pleasure to work with each and every one of you. I’ve always said that Phoenix is a great sports city and deserves nothing but the best. I still believe that. As a young boy, I learned to play hockey in Southern Ontario, and I know what great fans they have there. It’s my hope they too will have an NHL franchise in the not too distant future.”
As Wysh points out, this is exactly why great players should never become coaches. They simply cannot and refuse to understand why one of their players can’t do it the same way they did. My guess is this is the last time we will ever see Gretzky behind the bench.
For those of you who are interested in this sort of stuff, Janet Gretzky is laying the odds that Gretzky will ever coach again at 400-1. That’s some sweet action!
Gretzky finally puts himself, Coyotes out of coaching misery [Puck Daddy]
Gretzky, wife address gambling ring allegations [ESPN]
Evander Holyfield, who apparently is still boxing, will have a new nickname the next time he steps into the ring: The Lean Green Fighting Machine.
It appears that during periods of cognitive awareness, Holyfield has realized that something needs to be done about the environment, and who better than a washed-up, well-past-his-prime boxer to take up the cause?
“I guess I’m lean and green,” Holyfield said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. “I’m pretty much going to do all I can to fight against global warming. I’ll see what I can do to help and try to help other people who want to do the same thing.”
Holyfield, who now is to boxing what Al Gore is to boring documentaries, is coming out against global warming with fists flying. He is building a 40-acre solar energy farm at his home in Atlanta as well as setting an acre aside for organic agriculture.
“A mission as big as this needs someone who is recognized through the whole world,” Holyfield said. “We as a people have to come together to save this planet.”
Very true. And when a person who is as known for getting his ear bitten off by Mike Tyson than anything else comes up and tells you to help clean up the environment, you damn well better listen.
Hopefully, Holyfield’s vision of a better environment is less deluded than his vision of where his boxing career is headed.
“I will be the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world,” he said, repeating a familiar pledge. “I’m sure I will be champion next year sometime.”
Next year sometime? Hey, that’s about when Holyfield will give up this whole saving-the-environment endeavor and move on to his next cause: figuring out how to not drool when he tries to remember his name.
I know I’ll be pulling for him.
Holyfield now lean, green [ESPN, AP]
• 10,000 tickets remain for the Lions game against the Redskins this Sunday. I’m sure one of the successful corporations based in Detroit will snatch them up. [Style Points]
• lowercase explains why USC and BYU prove that the BCS sucks. [The Phoenix Pub]
• Why can’t we all get along? Kansas football and basketball players duke it out. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Why can’t we all get along, part II. Red Sox fans and Yankees fans fighting? What sort of crazy world are we living in? [Busted Coverage]
• KSK comes up with yet another outstanding recurring character – Rex Ryan. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Ohio State head coach Jim Tressel is worried about the flu. [With Leather]
Larry Fitzgerald is certainly not the first successful person to go through this (Sly Stallone, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Michael Vick come to mind – well maybe not Michael Vick anymore, but…), but there he was, forced into the uncomfortable position of defending the actions of his less talented and less intelligent brother.
As most you know, Marcus Fitzgerald, Larry’s younger brother, stirred up a little controversy last weekend when he made his critical opinions regarding Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner known via Twitter, including referring to Warner as an “OLD ASS MAN.”
Both Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald quickly dismissed any rift between them on Wednesday.
“I kind of chuckled about it because everyone in here (the locker room) knows about me and Kurt’s relationship,” Larry Fitzgerald said. “That’s never going to be affected by anything outlandish like that. That’s what being friends is about.”
“I gave him a little grief on it,” Warner said, smiling. “It’s obviously no big deal, but as close as Larry and I are, I couldn’t let it go without jabbing him a little bit.”
So there you go. Crisis averted. Larry had a talk with brother and we shouldn’t expect any emotional and ill-conceived tweets coming from Marcus from this point forward.
Just a piece of advice, Larry. If your brother ever comes and asks you for a little help jump-starting his recording career, just say no. It’s for the best. For everyone.
Fitzgerald, Warner dismiss rift as receiver’s brother admits ‘gaffe’ [USA Today]
Somebody Get Larry Fitzgerald’s Brother A Clipboard [Deadspin]
Apparently, Kings Island Halloween Haunt in Ohio likes to stuff the envelope, as it was revealed it intended to display a reenactment of the Steve McNair murder/Sahel Kazemi suicide using skeletons for its Halloween festivities. Via The Huddle:
The McNair display portrayed a skeleton with a blue shirt marked with a No. 9, McNair’s uniform number, and holding a Titans helmet. Another skeleton wearing a red lingerie was draped over its waist.
Yikes. Clearly, when it comes to finding new and inventive exhibits, Kings Island leaves no stone unturned or any grave not spit upon. Yet it appears depictions such as these are par for the course for Kings Island Halloween Haunt, as the park continually strives for “authenticity.” In fact, the park also plans to feature several other dead celebrities among this year’s exhibits, including Ted Kennedy, Ed McMahon and Heath Ledger.
Heath Ledger? That’s a bit dated. I suppose they couldn’t find a little marker board for a Tim Russert exhibit.
Don Helbig, the spokesman for Kings Island, originally denied to AOL FanHouse that a McNair display would be included, but after FanHouse indicated there were photos of the exhibit, Helbig stated that “[o]ur event does not open until Friday. We meant him no disrespect.”
Of course they didn’t. Kings Island probably feels that we have all become far too concerned with political correctness these days. No one raised a peep in 2001 when they unveiled their “Bobbin’ for Andrea Yates’ Babies” Halloween game.
Halloween park display mocks deaths of Steve McNair, Sahel Kazemi [The Huddle]
Heh. Arreola. That must be Spanish for nipple.
In his fight Saturday night against a favored and more talented fighter, Vitali Klitschko, Arreola hopes to score one for all of the unfortunately-named boxers that came before him: Sammy Testeez, Boris Vasdeferens, Hugh Scrote, Ted Fallopian, Tommy Foreskin and most importantly, the strangely named Eric Ejaculatorygland. Seriously, what kind of name is that? French?
Arreola finally takes fighting seriously [The Associated Press]
• MLB Roundup. A.J. Burnett struck out 11 as the Yankees beat the Angels 3-2 to complete the sweep. The Twins beat the White Sox 8-6 and the Tigers throttled the Indians 11-3, keeping Detroit’s lead at 2 1/2 games. Prince Fielder hit his 42nd homer, giving him a league-leading 131 RBI as the Brewers edged the Cubs 3-2. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Major League Baseball. Booby Cox will call it a career after the 2010 season when he will retire as manager of the Atlanta Braves. Cox is a four-time Manager of the Year and led the Braves to 14 consecutive postseason appearances, including a World Series title in 1995. [The Washington Post]
• National Hockey League. After 14 NHL seasons, Olaf Kolzig – nicknamed “Ollie the Goalie” – is retiring. His 303 victories rank 21st in NHL history. [Reuters]
• Now left-handed men won’t look like the sick, twisted perverts we all know they are. A store in Britian is marketing a pair of underwear specifically designed for left-handed men. The vertical slit is much easier to access for right handed men, and “[a]s a result,” Debenhams said, “left-handed men have to reach much further into their pants, performing a Z shaped maneuver through two 180 degree angles before achieving the result that right handed men perform with ease.” What a great time to be alive. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
First Deadspin. Then…the WORLD!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHA!!
Sean Salisbury, clearly unhinged and not thinking clearly, was firing off e-mails to Deadspin’s AJ Daluerio at a feverish pace yesterday regarding a post on Deadspin which alleged that Salisbury was fired from his job at a Dallas radio station due to some cell phone shenanigans – a story which sounds astonishingly similar to the stories that circulated as to why he was shitcanned from ESPN. This did not make Salisbury happy and now he is threatening to sue Deadspin, ESPN and anybody else who gets in his way as he clears his name, rights the wrongs and sends photos of his dong.
Here’s but a sampling of the insanity:
This is salisbury and I just want u to know ur guys lies and carelessness about CBS and espn stories has not only ruined my reputation but has cost me jobs so prepare urself for a lawsuit so big I will own deadspin u will be asked to give up ur sources so since u guys have cost me more than alot of money my only goal in my career is to ruin u like u have me. Sadly I tried to be honest with you and you have continually written lies. So you and a few major media networks arebeing sued. And put this on ur careless website. I kept a journal for 13 years at espn and a tell all book will be released in months to come. Book title: espn exposed. The truth inside the r rated company. So ur lies about a cell phone incident that is a lie and the reason I left CBS radio that u guys lied about. The time has come and I won’t stop until the truth is told and deadspin is exposed.
Sent from my iPhone
Yowsers. But you really should take a moment and head over to Deadspin in order to truly appreciate the textspeak ravings of a deranged and broken man. It’s almost sad, but then you laugh at the freak and it’s hilarious again.
Sean Salisbury Has A Few Things To Get Off His Chest [Deadspin]
• MLB Doubleheader. Philadelphia Phillies at Florida Marlins at 7:00 ET followed by the San Francisco Giants at Arizona Diamondbacks at 10:00 ET. Thankfully, the regular season is almost over. [ESPN]
• WNBA Doublefister. Conference Finals, baby! Feel the excitement! Indiana Fever at Detroit Toxic Shock at 8:00 ET and Phoenix Mercury at Los Angeles Sparks at 10:00 ET. This guy is pumped! [ESPN2]
• Let me take you to Cougar Town, let me take you to Cougar Town. Courtney Cox stars in her next failed show. Hey Courtney, take it from Julia Louis-Dreyfus, you have a lot more cocksucking to do before you make it back to the A-List. [ABC, 9:30 ET]
• Supposed to mean? SUPPOSED TO MEAN? I think everybody here knows what it’s supposed to mean. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. Still one of my favorite movies of all-time. Go ahead, go over to a friend’s house and watch it. Tell ‘em Large Marge sent ya. [WGN, 8:00 ET]
• Ty Cobb drops by for a celebrity editorial about gay marriage. [Style Points]
• There is now one less reason to go to South Bend, Indiana. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Sweet Jesus, LeNoc is really on a roll with these NSFWednesday posts. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Ron Artest is awesome. [The Big Lead]
• California Hooters waitresses support Tim Tebow. [Busted Coverage]
• Introducing Jenn Brown, or as Punte refers to her, Erin Andrews 2.0. [With Leather]
• Andy Rooney explains Week 2 of the NFL season. The guy has still got it! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Brett Favre’s Big Mouth, speaking on the condition that everyone will hear what it says, claims that it was unfair that the NFL fined the Jets for what it said regarding Brett Favre’s injuries last season during Brett Favre’s time with the team. The Jets organization was fined $75,000, Jets general manager Mike Tannenbaum was fined $25,000 and former Jets coach Eric Mangini was fined $25,00 by the NFL for their failure to include Favre on the injury report. From Brett Favre’s Big Mouth’s mouth:
“I think it’s very unfair. I just think it’s wrong,” Favre said today at Winter Park. “They did everything that I felt like they were supposed to. I practiced like half a day on the Wednesday after we knew that I had a torn biceps. The only reason I brought that up was I wanted to address to them that I felt like maybe there were some throws, or I could have played better and because of this injury … I just wanted to let them know that. I never asked them to put me on the injury report.
“I can’t tell you how many times I probably should have been on the injury report and was not. I practiced, I played, I knew I was going to play. But I wanted them to know that I wasn’t too proud to play just to play. I’ve talked with Mike and just spoke briefly with Eric when we played those guys but [the fine] hadn’t come out yet. Just expressed that I was sorry that it led to that. It meant nothing. But I think it was unfair the way they were treated.”
I bet you a dollar to a donut that if Brett Favre’s Big Mouth could have done something to avoid this, Brett Favre’s Big Mouth would have. Except for not saying anything about what happened, especially considering that what occurred was at this point irrelevant. For Brett Favre’ Big Mouth not to open its big mouth is something Brett Favre’s Big Mouth cannot do and it would have been way too much to ask of Brett Favre’s Big Mouth.
Favre calls NFL ruling “unfair” [Star Tribune]
Finally, a coach had the guts to buck tradition and say that not only does abstaining from sex not help a player’s performance, it may actually hinder it.
Enter Gary Kirsten and Paddy Upton, the coach and mental conditioning expert, respectively, of the Indian cricket team. The squad is currently preparing for a match in the Champions Trophy tournament against hated rival Pakistan on Saturday and the South African coach has encouraged his players to make sure their “stumps” are getting plenty of action in the “crease,” so to speak. In fact, Kirsten is so gung-ho on the theory that he has distributed pamphlets to his players educating them on the benefits of a little prematch “dibbly dobbly.”
The document, according to the daily, said sex increases testosterone levels, which cause an increase in strength, energy, aggression and competitiveness.
“Conversely, not having sex for a period of a few months causes a significant drop in testosterone levels in both males and females, with the corresponding passiveness and decrease in aggression,” it said.
So, India cricket players, don’t be a “mullygrubber”, do a “full toss,” and before you know it, you will be the “Man of the Match.” Just be sure to wrap your “nurdle.”
Is that enough cricket references for you? Yes?
India coach tells cricketers that sex improves performance [SI.com/AP]
It’s usually not a good sign when a situation has reached a point when a person’s mother becomes their child’s spokesperson to the media.
But that seems to be the predicament that Milton Bradley has found himself in after getting suspended for the rest of the season by the Chicago Cubs for, well, being Milton Bradley.
Charlena Rector, Bradley’s mother, went on the offensive Tuesday when she agreed to an interview with the Chicago Sun-Times. Rector proclaims that her son “eats, sleeps and drinks baseball,” and that his recent behavior stems from racism his son was experiencing at school.
“When racism hit his 3-year-old baby in school, he couldn’t take that,” Rector said in a radio interview earlier this week, according to the Sun-Times. “Parents, teachers and their kids called him the n-word. He didn’t even know it was a bad word until his mom told him.”
If that is the case and he was all torn up about what his little boy was going through, perhaps we should cut Bradley some slack here. I’m not defending his behavior, nor am I implying that Bradley isn’t crazier than a shithouse rat to begin with, but concern over his son’s well-being does lend credence to the possibility that Bradley’s mind might not have been focused solely on baseball.
Mom: Bradley’s travails affected focus [ESPN]
Kenny Perry has been honored with the 2009 Payne Stewart Award, awarded annually “to a player sharing Stewart’s respect for the traditions of the game and his commitment to uphold golf’s heritage of charitable support.” The award, named after the three-time major winner who died in a plane crash in 1999, has been given in previous years to Byron Nelson, Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer, Ben Crenshaw, Nick Price, Tom Watson, Jay Haas, Brad Faxon, Gary Player, Hal Sutton and Davis Love III.
“There is no greater honor for a professional golfer than to receive the Payne Stewart Award,” said Perry, 49.
“Payne personified all the virtues the game of golf can teach us so being recognized as a person who is worthy of an award created in his memory is incredibly humbling. This award is and will always be one of my greatest accomplishments.”
But I thought all of those guys in the FedEx Cup commercials say that winning the Cup is what every professional golfer aspires to. Liars!
