Archive for September, 2009
It doesn’t sound as if those 80 suspected dead (and the body count still rising) are going to be able to see the NFL season opener tonight when the Pittsburgh Steelers square off against the Tennessee Titans.
Highlights will not available to the mostly children who likely drowned off the coast of Sierra Leone.
They will never see the live performance by the Black Eyed Peas. Never get to see Tim McGraw get his honky tonk on. Probably won’t hear Berman say “the Raiiiiiiiiiderrrrrrrs” ever again.
They will never be allowed to record a game with out the expressed written consent of the National Football League. Or hear Joe Buck at his smug best. Or see Jimmy Johnson’s hair helmet. Or run to the store at halftime for more beer.
Now, that’s deprivation.
Alan Rich, a documentary filmmaker from Brooklyn has filed a lawsuit against the United States Tennis Association which contends that the organization discriminates against wheelchair tennis players due to the fact the USTA does not sell broadcasting rights to air their matches. Unbeknownst to me (and most people, I imagine), there is a wheelchair division at the U.S. Open which features the top 20 players.
Rich, a lawyer who is representing himself and seven handicapped players in the case, has been filming a documentary about the players called “Fire in the Belly.” He said his immediate goal is to be permitted to film the competition and later argue in court over whether the footage can be used in his documentary.
He contends that because the major networks covering the tournament — CBS, ESPN and the Tennis Channel — do not cover the wheelchair events, he should be given the rights.
I’m not trying to cause a racket here, but I don’t see the big deal. Let the guy wheel in his cameras and record the matches. Unfortunately, as is often the case when the little guy rolls up against a powerful organization like the USTA, Rich has a steep incline ahead of him and I wonder if he has the intestinal fortitude to make it up the hill. You know, metaphorically speaking.
Yeah, that’s all I got. I thought I could come up with more wheelchair references, but it looks like my battery needs recharging.
Filmmaker says USTA discriminates against wheelchair players [SI.com/AP]
• MLB Roundup. Adam Wainwright became the first pitcher in the majors to reach 18 wins, throwing seven shutout innings as the Cardinals beat the Brewers 5-1. With three hits, Derek Jeter tied Lou Gehrig’s career mark for most hits as a Yankee as New York completed the sweep against Tampa Bay by winning 4-2. AJ Pierzynski hit a game-ending RBI double in the 13th inning as the White Sox edged the A’s 4-3. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• U.S. Open. The magical run has ended for 17-year-old American, who seemed overwhelmed as she lost in straight sets to Caroline Wozniacki 6-2, 6-2. Roger Federer extended his own record and reached his 22nd consecutive Grand Slam semifinal by beating Robin Soderline 6-0, 6-3, 6-7 (6), 7-6 (6) and will face Novak Djokovic in the semifinals after Djokovic defeated Fernando Verdasco 7-6 (2), 1-6, 7-5, 6-2. [USOpen.org]
• College Football. Nick Saban has received a three-year extension on his contract as head coach of Alabama. His overall contract could be worth $42.35 million if he remains at the school for nine years, which comes out to a little more than $4.7 million per year. [The Associated Press]
• Just like the Cheech & Chong movie, Things Are Tough All Over. A dude on a motorcycle has been accused of offering pot to clerks in exchange for gasoline at a gas station in Maryland. After he was reported to authorities, police searched his bike and found marijuana, cocaine and Oxycodone pills. Sounds like he was planning one hell of a ride, man. [MSNBC]
• MLB Doubleheader. Tampa Bay Rays at New York Yankees followed up Los Angeles Dodgers at Arizona Diamondbacks. Both coasts are covered! What an amazing time to be alive! [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• U.S. Open. Live coverage of the men’s and women’s quarterfinals. Featured match: Melanie “the Homeless” Oudin vs. Caroline “the Hottie” Wozniacki. Should be a doozy, no matter who wins. [ESPN2, 7:00 ET]
• Heavy Stuff. Nostradamus Effect. Episode: “The Third Antichrist?” “Believers in the writings of Nostradamus think Napoleon Bonaparte and Adolf Hitler were two of the antichrists predicted by the prophet, and they are searching for evidence that the third is already here.” Whoa. [HISTORY, 9:00 ET]
• Speaking of antichrists… The President is speaking tonight. You shouldn’t have any trouble finding it. But more importantly, I cannot believe this guy thinks he has the right to speak to the American public and spew his leftist, neo-socialist agenda. What kind of country is America turning into? We’re all going to be communists before you know it. Might as well get used to calling each other comrade.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (September 9th)
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• S.O.B. favorite White Speed Receiver takes off his commenting clogs and straps on his blogging boots. Do read. By the way, awesome blog name, sir. [Frozen Balls]
• Favre might not play every game this season? You mean like every other player? Oh, the humanity! [With Leather]
• Here’s a preview of the Jacksonville Jaguars by a mystery writer. [Style Points]
• LeNoc titillates us with another edition of NSFWednesdays. Better bring a poncho. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Swine flu and college football! [Bootlegger Sports]
• James Brown brings us news and notes for the NFC. I’m really looking forward to this feature. [The Phoenix Pub]
Dwight Gooden has been hired as the senior vice president of the independent league Newark Bears. I’m not trying to tell the Newark Bears how to go about doing their business, but I have to question their vetting process.
I know, shocking, right? But I never realized how HUGE of a whiny little bitch this fucktard is until I actually wasted a few minutes of my life reading his latest column, “693 reasons why it’s tough to get an ace,” which will appear in the September 21st issue of ESPN the Magazine.
In this back-alley abortion of the written word, Reilly pouts about the fact he has never had a hole-in-one while golfing. Join the fucking club, fuckhead. According to About.com, the odds of a amateur scoring a hole-in-one is 1 in 12,750 with the odds steadily increasing depending on numerous factors.
But for the great Rick Reilly to be forced to suffer the indignity of not having a hole-in-one while others far less deserving of accomplishing the feat get to enjoy it? Blasphemy. In his column, Reilly takes 830 nauseatingly aggravating words to describe how he will have no more of it and detail how he went about righting the wrong that was so unfairly put upon him.
Chris Cooley Is Crazy About Pot(tery)
Posted by:I really have nothing to add here except Chris Cooley is making a pottery beer mug for charity. Yeah, try to wrap your brain around that one.
I suppose it could be worse. At least he isn’t fashioning a replica of his wang. You just know he wanted to, though, that cheeky monkey.
[H/T for video to Mr. Irrelevant]
Cooley Exposed More Than His Playbook [Deadspin]
• Awesome photo of a lingerie football team attempting to run the “Naked Bootleg.” Heh. Well played, Punte. [With Leather]
• Details on Erin Andrews’ security detail, in detail. Did I mention it’s about Erin Andrews’ security detail? Erin Andrews. [Busted Coverage]
• It’s almost fucking time for football! Yearrrghhh! Captain Caveman gets up pumped up. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• More controversy for the President. This time, it’s about a speech he intends to give to college football players. Oh yeah, and some yahoo has a Vikings preview over there – trust me, it’s terrible. [Style Points]
• Notre Dame is coming out with some live-streaming football iPhone app. But Notre Dame? Blech. [Bootlegger Sports]
• The beginning of the NHL season is closer than you think. Get up to speed with MYFO’s previews. Today, the Chicago Blackhawks. [Melt Your Face Off]
In a surprising legal maneuver that can only be politely described as “completely fucking retarded,” Andrea McNulty’s counsel proposed the following settlement terms to Ben Roethlisberger:
The woman wants Roethlisberger to admit to the allegations, apologize and donate $100,000 to the Committee to Aid Abused Women, a Reno nonprofit organization that offers support to domestic violence victims.
Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense. I’ll have two of whatever they were having when they came up with this offer.
Of course, sanity prevailed, and Roethlisberger’s attorney, David Cornwell, vehemently rejected the offer, referring to it as “bizarre.” Below is Cornwell’s full statement on the matter, courtesy of Pro Football Talk (via The Huddle):
“Ms. McNulty’s contemporaneous statements and conduct prove her allegations are false. Against this backdrop, her proposal is bizarre and it insults women who have legitimately suffered from sexual misconduct. We will not participate in a destructive farce.
“We offered Ms. McNulty a graceful exit. Apparently, Mr. Dunlap convinced her that they can dig themselves out of this rancid hole. The ‘settlement’ offer is rejected. We will continue to press our defenses and claims and pursue our application for sanctions.”
Hoo boy, the tension is reaching a fever pitch in this case, and methinks it’s only going to get more acrimonious and dirty from this point forward.
But any reason to make a J. Wellington Wimpy reference is good enough for me, even if it has to come at the expense of a moronic attorney and what by all accounts appears to be a very ill-informed woman as far as legal matters are concerned. Strange days, indeed – most peculiar, mama.
Roethlisberger’s attorney rejects settlement offer [CBS Sports]
Roethlisberger attorney: Offer to settle is ‘bizarre,’ insulting to women [The Huddle]
Roethlisberger again pulls no punches [Pro Football Talk]
Rarely concerned about using sex to sell their sport, the LPGA has announced that three of its players will appear partially nude in next month’s “Bodies” issue of the ESPN the Magazine. According to Golf Digest (via Waggle Room):
The women’s tour will no doubt get a triple-whammy of attention — both wanted and unwanted — next month when three of its players appear in ESPN the Magazine in tastefully covered states of undress. An LPGA executive said Sunday that Sandra Gal, a second year player from Germany by way of the University of Florida, Anna Grzebien, a second year player from Duke, and Christina Kim, who is in her seventh year on tour, will appear in the Oct. 19 “Bodies” issue of ESPN the Magazine.
In his article, Golf Digest writer Ron Sirak examines the risk the LPGA runs promoting the women’s golf in this manner, but is that really what’s most important? Go ahead and read it if you like (it is a compelling and well-written article, to be honest), but here at the Sportress we try not to think too hard about stuff like that and bog down you, our dear readers, with such matters. Instead, how about we just do what we do around here and take a gander at these three ladies and see what we have in store for us next month.
But What Kind Of Rib Was It?
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No, seriously, it’s an important and relevant question. Were they baby back ribs? Short ribs? Spare ribs? Were they pork or beef? And please don’t tell me he somehow injured himself feasting on some of those country-style boneless variety of ribs.
Was it the barbecue sauce? Or were they a Memphis-style dry rub? Did he bite his tongue or burn his mouth or did he choke on a bone?
Did he have an aneurysm trying to use one of those annoying Wet-Naps packets they always provide with ribs? No kidding, those things can be impossible to tear open.
So many questions, so few answers. All I know is I’m starving now and it’s three hours until lunch. Lame.
Thanks a lot, John Daly and Yahoo! Sports headline writers, you jerks.
Rib injury forces Daly to cancel Australia trip [Yahoo!/AP]
Not that there’s anything wrong with it. A crazed male fan managed to gain access to the court last night (video after the jump) during Rafael Nadal’s victory over Frenchman Gael Monfils at the U.S. Open and had enough time to sneak a kiss on the cheek from the Spanish heartthrob before being escorted off the court by security.
The Spaniard was returning to his chair having removed his shirt when the male fan put his arms around the former world number one and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“The man has been arrested and it is now in the hands of the NYPD and we will be reviewing the footage to see whether security needs to be strengthened,” USTA official Tim Curry said.
• MLB Roundup. The Rays lost their season-high seventh straight after Nick Swisher hit his second home run of the game in the 9th inning to lead the Yankees to a 3-2 win. Phillies closer Brad Lidge once again struggled, but Ryan Madson came in and struck out Ryan Zimmerman and getting Adam Dunn out with the bases loaded as Philadelphia beat Washington 5-3. Matt Holliday’s two-run homer lifted the Cardinals to a 4-3 win over the Brewers. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• U.S. Open. No. 2 seed Andy Murray lost in straight sets 7-5, 6-2, 6-2 to no. 16 seed Marin Cilic. No. 3 seed Rafael Nadal held on to defeat Gael Monfils 6-7 (3), 6-3, 6-1, 6-3. Kim Clijsters beat no. 18 Li Na in straight sets 6-2, 6-4 and no. 2 Serena Williams survived a shaky start and beat no. 10 Flavia Pennetta 6-4, 6-3 as both players advanced and will face each other in the semifinals. [USOpen.org]
• National Hockey League. William “Boots” Del Biaggio III was sentenced to eight years in prison after pleading guilty earlier this year to forging financial documents to obtain $110 million in loans, including money from two NHL owners, in an attempt to purchase controlling interest in the Nashville Predators franchise. [The Associated Press]
• Why do these goats keep getting loose? Crank it up, fuckers. An emaciated Nubian goat wandered into a nursing home in the Bronx, where two other goats were discovered in July. I’ve already used two Adam Sandler jokes in this post and a couple in the “Wake N’ Blog” post from the July story, so what’s the point? Fuck me in the goat ass. [Yahoo!/AP]
Last Call: Sebadoh Edition
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Busy day here at the office, so I figured I’d crank out a quick intro for tonight’s Last Call.
I received an e-mail last week with the following message: “Weed Against Speed. I don’t get it.”
I just assumed everyone understood the reference, if they ever even bothered to take the time to consider it. Long story short: “Weed Against Speed” is a song by the band Sebadoh off their 1996 album Harmacy. I love the song and dug how the name could be construed. For those of you who are not aware of the band, Sebadoh was formed by Lou Barlow after he he got kicked out of Dinosaur Jr. in 1989 (although he is now back with J Mascis playing gigs again). Lou is also one of the founding members of The Folk Implosion. If you are not familiar with their work, check them out. You know, because they are good and stuff.
So there’s your history lesson for the day, kids. I’m sure all of you can now sleep easier at night knowing a little bit more about my made-up internet handle. Such heady times.
