Archive for August, 2009
Geoff Ogilvy Is A Whiny Little Bitch
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Everybody should feel sorry for poor little Geoff Ogilvy. Geoffy doesn’t think the course at Hazeltine National was set up fairly (it probably has nothing to do with his 43rd place finish – right) for last weekend’s PGA Championship, and I guess we should all have to listen to his gripes because he’s the eighth-ranked player in the world. Via Fanhouse:
“The last two years the rough has been bad and I don’t think that’s necessary,” “The difficulty of your shot, in my opinion, should be (dictated by) the position it’s in, not the lie it’s in,” he told FOXSports Australia’s Andrew Both. …”I don’t like how you can hit it in the same spot and one guy’s got no chance and the other’s perfect. … Every player in the world comes off and says it’s not the way of forwarding golf yet they keep doing it.”
Here’s an idea, Geoff – hit it in the fucking fairway and stop your goddamn bellyaching. “Oooooh, course is too hard. My shoes get dirty from the grass stains. My chauffeur was five minutes late. The hundred dollar bills I wipe my ass with are too rough.”
Perhaps Ogilvy should withhold any criticism of a course unless he actually competes in the tournament that said course hosted. Otherwise it comes off as sour grapes from a pampered professional golfer who doesn’t quite understand how good he’s got it.
Asshat.
Geoff Ogilvy Criticizes Hazeltine Set Up [Fanhouse]
• Mike Tunison’s book, The Football Fan’s Manifesto, comes out today. Buy it. Read it. Go buy another copy and beat a homeless man with it. [With Leather]
• Some good old fashioned haterade from Big Daddy Drew. I’ll give you one guess what this rant is about. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• I am totally shocked that the Team Canada hockey jersey has a maple leaf on it. Shocked, I tells ya!! [Food Court Lunch]
• That ex-cheerleader that cut off her son’s penis? She got sentenced to 99 years in prison. [Busted Coverage]
• The San Jose Sharks have stripped the captaincy from Patrick Marleau. Poor guy. [Melt Your Face Off]
Courtesy of Busted Coverage
Holy shit and jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick – it’s actually happening. Even when Favre said he wasn’t coming I knew he was going to eventually.
The guys over at Busted Coverage already noticed that there was already a Brett Favre page on the official site of the Minnesota Vikings. Great sleuthing, fellas.
Fuckity fuck fuck. This is just crazy.
Brett Favre Minnesota Vikings Team Web Page Parked For Today’s Arrival & Signing [Busted Coverage]
Brett Favre is currently on his way to Minnesota to sign a contract to play for the Minnesota Vikings this season. From a report on WCCO.com, the CBS affiliate for the Twin Cities:
A high-level source with the Minnesota Vikings tells WCCO-TV’s Mark Rosen that quarterback Brett Favre is expected to sign with the team Tuesday.
WCCO-TV spoke with an official at the Hattiesburg, Miss., airport, who saw an airplane with the Vikings logo leave the airport Tuesday morning. The flight number for that plane has been blocked from tracking systems.
Sweet fucking Christ.
More on this as it develops.
Source: Favre Expected To Sign With Vikings Today [WCCO.com]
Apparently, the World Series of Poker doesn’t have Scott Boras as an agent. Set to expire in 2011, ESPN extended the contract for the rights to televise the World Series of Poker through 2017.
The cable network and private casino operator Harrah’s Entertainment, Inc., which owns the series, were expected to formally announce the deal Tuesday.
ESPN, which produced 32 hours of programming from the series this year, is expected to devote at least that much time in future years under the new contract.
Thank goodness that issue was resolved. Having to deal with the stress if negotiations had gone down to the wire might have been too much for my psyche to handle. I don’t know about anyone else, but coverage of the World Series of Poker is very important in my household. Without it, what would I put on the television while I’m at work to punish my dog when she misbehaves? Even dogs can’t handle having that useless garbage on the TV.
So, ESPN is willing to extend their contract with WSOP but willingly let the television rights to airing NHL games go without a care? Makes sense, given POKER IS NOT A FUCKING SPORT!! Before you know it, ESPN will go the way of MTV and will eventually not broadcast anything remotely related to what put them on the map. Although given the appropriate format, Bakin’ with Berman would have some potential. Somebody get Gordon Elliott on that idea immediately.
World Series of Poker extends ESPN deal to 2017 [SI.com/AP]
Michael Irvin said the reason he joined the Dancing With The Stars cast was so he could avoid the dreaded “mid-life crisis.”
“All I have done my whole life has been about football,” he said. “This is a way I can have my crisis without getting in a race car or going with a 19-year old.”
Wouldn’t that be one of the benefits of being a middle-aged Michael Irvin? Banging 19-year-olds indiscriminately two at a time?
Irvin added that another reason he wanted to take part in the reality show was to overcome a lifelong fear.
“There are two things that I have been positively afraid to do in public all of my life is sing and dance,” Irvin said. “This is one step. They better not ask me to sing.”
I haven’t watched the show but I’m pretty sure they won’t ask Irvin to sing – you know, because it’s a dancing competition and not a singing one.
Obviously, it will be interesting to see how Irvin fares on the show, but I still would have preferred seeing stories about him getting caught nailing teenage girls while driving a race car. That sounds much more interesting.
Irvin on his ‘Dancing’ gig: Call it a ‘midlife crisis’ [Sports Media Blog]
Just wanted to get a quick post up before the whole internet erupts into a chaotic shitstorm: photos from the Erin Andrews shoot and a brief excerpt from an interview for an upcoming issue of GQ appeared last night on the website of the New York Daily News. Here’s their take on the photos:
Surrounded by beefy gridiron grunts in equally muddy attire, Andrews, 31, posed like one of the boys in a sweaty locker room wearing smeared grease paint under her eyes.
Cleaned up for another shot, Andrews, voted “America’s Sexiest Sportscaster” by Playboy Magazine, stands atop a Gatorade cooler in a thigh-high skirt with a mic in her hands.
• MLB Roundup. Vladimir Guerrero hit two homers and had five RBI as the Angels beat the Orioles 8-5. Four Oakland pitchers combined to shut out the Yankees 3-0. Aaron Rowand had four hits, including a homer, as the Giants routed the Mets 10-1. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Major League Baseball. It went down to the wire, but the Washington Nationals signed number one overall pick Stephen Strasburg to a four-year contract worth about $15.1 million. [The Associated Press]
• National Football League. New York Jets defensive end Shaun Ellis has been suspended for one game and fined $100,000 by the NFL for violation of the league’s substance abuse policy related to a traffic stop in November where he was charged with possession of marijuana, speeding and driving without insurance. [The New York Times]
• Do not be surprised if you see a bunch of strung out-looking people licking dollar bills. In a study of paper currency around the globe, a group of scientists have determined that up to 90% of U.S. paper currency has traces of cocaine on it. U.S. and Canadian currency has the highest levels (between 85 and 90 percent) while Chinese and Japanese currency had the lowest levels of contamination (between twelve and twenty percent). [AOL News]
Holy Crap, Jared Allen Has A Twitter Account
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I have a buddy that does some work over at Winter Park, the corporate headquarters/practice facility for the Minnesota Vikings. He was back in an area where the players were hanging out earlier today and he saw Jared Allen getting treated for an ankle injury. He was talking to some Vikings staff member about getting a Twitter account since he heard a lot of other athletes have been doing it. Apparently, the guy said he would help Allen set up the page as long as Allen didn’t tell anyone that he helped him.
Well, lo and behold, I did a search for Jared Allen on Twitter and found Jared Allen’s page. And if his first few tweets are any indication, we’re going to be in for a treat this season. There are only three at time of the publishing of this post, so here they are in their entirety:
Howdy, Jared Allen here don’t know much about computers except folks say you can find pictures of naked ladies on it but i’m a do my best.
hert my damned ankle in practice and it herts like the tarnations! like getting bit by a rattlesnake on your pecker!
nothin like sitten back and puttin on some Oak Ridge Boys and smellin your ball sweat. mine smells like skunkbutt
i told tarvaris that sometimes he acts like a crazy coon after eatin a bucket of fried chicken bones and now hes mad at me but I dont no why
• NFL Preseason Football. Carolina Panthers at New York Giants. All the thrill of regular season football without the excitement. [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
• MLB Baseball. St. Louis Cardinals at Los Angeles Dodgers. What the hell is a Dodger anyway? Is it in reference to some fucking hippie burning his draft card? It better not be. War is hell – you wouldn’t know – you weren’t there. [ESPN2, 10:00 ET]
• See how many times you can rub one out in one evening. Golden Girls marathon. It has already begun and runs until 1:00 a.m. ET. If you happen to go to the store, could you pick me up some baby oil and drop it off at my house? Thank you for being a friend. [WE]
• Methinks I’ll enjoy this series. Clash of the Gods. Episode: “Hades: The mythology behind Hades, ancient Greece’s most feared god, and the Greeks’ belief in life after death.” Kick ass. And no, I don’t think its nerdy to have a healthy interest in Greek Mythology. Bill Moyers and Joseph Campbell were notorious ladykillers in their heyday. [History, 10:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (August 17th)
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• Another highly amusing edition of LOLNFL. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Magnakai Haaskivi thinks that sports should go fuck themselves. Sounds good. [The Phoenix Pub]
• LeNoceur imagines how contract negotiations will go for the New York Rangers now that Mark Messier is on the payroll. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Irish sportsbook Paddy Power’s had an epic fail over the weekend regarding the PGA Championship. [Waggle Room]
• Cheryl Cole is the Thigh of the Week – with sexy pictures!! [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The New York Jets encourage Tweeting. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Phenomenal Swag: Bill Walton’s Total Book of Bicycling. Hilarious. [Ball Don't Lie]
What’s the deal with female pole vaulters? Sure, Yelena Isinbayeva is no Allison Stokke (few are), but there must be something about pole-vaulting that brings out the best in a woman. Maybe it’s the exercise – who knows?
In any event, Isinbayeva failed to clear any height today at the world championships, which apparently isn’t a good thing in pole vaulting.
The Russian had won all major titles since the 2004 Athens Games and saw a difficult year hit an unexpected low when the bar fell down on her at 4.80 meters.
Well, that sucks. Perhaps this will be the beginning of the end for Ms. Isinbayeva or maybe it will get her to recommit herself to a more focused, stricter training regiment.
It would be a shame for that booty to go to waste. Photo evidence after the jump.
Jockey Norberto (Norby!) Arroyo, Jr. was arrested Sunday morning in Saratoga Springs, New York for cocaine possession.
Saratoga Springs police say jockey Norberto Arroyo Jr. has been charged with possessing and intending to sell cocaine after he was found with about 12 grams of the drug during a traffic stop.
They say the 33-year-old from Winthrop, Mass., was pulled over Sunday morning a few blocks from Saratoga Race Course, where he’s been riding during the six-week racing season that began July 29.
Twelve grams? That’s a lot of blow, man. But like I said above, who cares if the jockey is snorting lines – as long as the horse is clean I don’t see how this affects anything as far as racing is concerned. Further, can you imagine how much of a pain in the ass it would be to do coke with a horse? You would totally get screwed over with those big nostrils they have and the fact they would probably use a garden hose or some crazy shit for a snoot tube.
And I don’t see why they arrested him – it’s not like cocaine is illegal or anything. That’s what one cop told me years ago. Well, I don’t know if he was a cop, but he looked a lot like Ponch from CHiPs and was wearing a uniform and that’s usually good enough for me.
He totally screwed me over on the deal, too. Said his name was Erik but I think that was just an alias or something.
Jockey facing cocaine charges in Saratoga Springs [The Boston Herald/AP]
How could someone who looks so normal and put together do something so crazy? Unfortunately, it is true: Lisa Mayfield was arrested Saturday night and charged with four counts of second degree trespassing and simple assault relating to an incident outside NASCAR’s favorite meth head’s home.
• No one wins: Gina Carano lost to a shaved female Sasquatch on Saturday night. [With Leather]
• Rick Pitino probably doesn’t appreciate this Google Ad showing up on his website. [The Dagger]
• Skating Tomato’s Buffalo Bills preview is hot off the presses, or whatever terminology you’re supposed to use when referring to a new post. [Style Points]
• ailanthus altissima finds schadenfreude via the Rick Pitino story. [The Phoenix Pub]
• Alyssa Milano got married. The incidence of STDs in baseball players automatically dropped 35%.[Sharapova's Thigh]
• Ex-cheerleader cut off her own son’s penis in a drug-addled craze, blames the family dog. [Busted Coverage]
• No surprise: Peter King is still a retard. And that’s a good thing since it means we get another of BDD’s critique of his column. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
