Archive for August, 2009
I have to start off by saying I am a huge Mandy Moore fan. Between her bubble gum teen pop and acting in a Nicholas Sparks film – she was a preacher’s daughter that was terminally ill, dammit! (sobs)
Okay, now that I have composed myself, here’s the scoop. This has been making its away around the tubes but I would be remiss if I didn’t make sure everyone sees it. Certainly not sports related technically, but Mandy Moore is dating After the jump is a video of a commercial spoof done by the fine folks at Funny or Die where Mandy Moore sings the praises of Red Bull Douche (“It gives your vagina wings!”).
• MLB Baseball. Boston Red Sox at Toronto Blue Jays. I wonder if ESPN is aware of the fact that there are actual baseball teams all over the country and not just on the East Coast. [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• MLS Soccer. Los Angeles Galaxy at Chicago Fire. I have never understood why the MLS didn’t go with American League Soccer. It has a nice ring to it. [ESPN2, 9:00 ET]
• This would be worth watching if the unseen footage was of her hanging herself. Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage. Boy, even I thought that was in poor taste. [FOX, 8:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Double Feature of the Night. Kill Bill, Volumes 1 & 2. You know what would have been cool? Watching this with David Carradine and you know, just hang. Jeebus, what’s up with me and the hanging jokes? [SPIKE TV, 7:30 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (August 19th)
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• What’s the deal with the management of Chicago baseball teams? Lou Piniella got a warning for jaywalking. [Mouthpiece Blog]
• Dash breaks down new ESPN ombudsman Don Ohlmeyer first column. [Deadspin]
• Brad Childress in a wig gets interrogated by that one guy from Oz and that sexy gal from Law & Order: SVU about a rape allegation. Wait. What? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• ESPN even hates Favre now. [With Leather]
• The ten biggest attention whores in sports. [The World of Isaac]
• Be sure to head on over and take the JSF Pop Quiz. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Jay Glazer be talking smack to ESPN – again. [The Big Lead]
• Goddamn, there are a lot of sets of brothers playing in the Majors. [More Hardball]
Fran Tarkenton is once again back on his crusade to save the world from Favresanity. You might recall in May when the former Minnesota Vikings quarterback laid into Brett Favre for his dalliances with the Vikings and called Favre’s behavior “despicable”.
Courtesy of Busted Coverage
Booyah!! Stuart Scott took some time at the Jimmy V Golf Classic last weekend to autograph a – well, I don’t know what it is – something held by a comely Hooters lass. Look at the determination Stu is showing, not even turning one of his eyes to take in the sight of the luscious beauty. He’s as cool as the other side of the pillow, people, even if he is a bit myopic for not taking advantage of the opportunity.
Sweet Merciful Crap What The Hell Is This?
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Courtesy of Don Chavez
I almost feel guilty posting this photo – it’s obvious this poor gal has enough on her plate already – but Jebus, that’s nightmare fuel if I have ever seen it.
She seriously looks like one of those computer-generated mutant offspring from Conan O’Brien’s “If They Mated” bit on Late Night.
Poor girl. You know, on second thought, a little orthodontic work and an eyebrow and lip-waxing, she might not be half bad. For a Sasquatch.
God, I’m a terrible, terrible person.
[H/T Don Chavez]
• I guess this screws up Erika David’s guest appearance on Don’t Forget The Lyrics. [Busted Coverage]
• MJD has his five favorite quotes from the Brett Favre press conference. [Shutdown Corner]
• A new Brett Favre nickname: Mr. Pump Fake. [Sports Crackle Pop!]
• More Favre: the top 15 unreported FavreGate stories. [Five Tool Tool]
• John Daly and Boo Weekley dressed up like a clown. Somehow, it makes sense. [Waggle Room]
• The boys over at MYFO keep cranking awesome new features: NSFWednesdays. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Brilliant. The Professional Athlete’s Public Apology Generator. [Food Court Lunch]
• Tom Cable: Coachfighter. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
St. Louis Rams quarterback Marc Bulger has a boo-boo on his wittle pinky and has decided he will seek guidance from former Rams quarterback and drawer of notoriously bad pictures of Jesus Kurt Warner. You see, Warner once injured his pinky while playing with the Rams, so I guess he would no better than anyone how to deal with it. You know, been there, done that sort of thing.
“I may talk to Kurt,” Bulger said Tuesday. “I tried to get in contact with him (Monday). Just to see how I can get back quicker, or something like that. … I know he did this in 2000.”
I can already guarantee what Warner will say: “Pray, Marc. Let the Lord heal thy wounds. Seek guidance from Jesus. He will lead the way.”
Or possibly, “Why in the fuck would I tell you how to handle your injury? Last I checked, the Rams and the Cardinals are in the same division – why on God’s green earth would I do anything to help you? If I did, the Rams might get 6 wins this year and I don’t need that bullshit. Now leave me alone and stop calling me – I’m trying to bang this 14-year-old Thai prostitute before Brenda gets home.”
Yeah, one of those two for sure. That Kurt Warner, though. Always shepherding the flock.
Bulger will seek advice from Warner on pinky injury [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
“That’s good, but I asked you to draw Godzilla.” [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Every once in a while, we poor saps living in flyover country receive a gift from the gods that you folks on the coasts are unfortunately deprived of due to your go go corporate takeover lifestyles. And usually, we like to keep these wonderful bounties a secret, as we don’t like to brag.
However, I cannot keep one thing a secret any longer. It would be far too selfish of me to deprive the world of her. Ladies and germs, may I introduce to you Laura Schara, an absolutely stunning young lady who also happens to have a deep love of the outdoors.
White on white translucent black capes
Back on the rack
Bela Lugosi’s dead
The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Red velvet lines the black box
Bela Lugosi’s dead
Undead undead undead
The virginal brides file past his tomb
Strewn with time’s dead flowers
Bereft in deathly bloom
Alone in a darkened room
The count
Bela Logosi’s dead
Undead undead undead
• MLB Roundup. Jamie Moyer replaced Pedro Martinez, the guy who replaced him the rotation after a rain delay and pitched six scoreless innings as the Phillies beat Diamondbacks 5-1. Gabe Cross hit a two-run homer and Pat Burrell and B.J. Upton added solo shots in Tampa Bay’s 5-4 victory over Baltimore. The Mets scored eight runs in the fourth inning, chasing starter Derek Lowe on the way to routing the Braves 9-4. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• National Football League. Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre [Star Tribune]
• National Hockey League. 34-year-old felon Todd Bertuzzi signed a one-year, $1.5 million contract with the Detroit Red Wings. Okay, he’s not a felon – but he should be. [Detroit Free Press]
• Now is this truly ironic or Alanis Morissette ironic? The entire Nippon Ham Fighters baseball team has been quarantined after three of its players contracted the H1N1 virus. Japan has over 5,000 confirmed cases of the swine flu. I blame Godzilla. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
Last Call: Crazy Day Edition
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Sorry, ladies and germs. Tonight will be an abbreviated version of a Last Call intro (hold your applause, please), so it will not be its usual witty and absolutely piss-your-pants hilarious that the five of you who routinely frequent Last Call on the Sportress have grown accustomed to. Brett Favre drama, my feed reader got all fucked up after an update, people expected me to work AT work – you name it. Yeah, I know – it’s a hard-knock life for Weed.
Apologies. Somehow, try and deal with it.
So, without further ado, on to the usual features.
• MLB Baseball. Chicago Cubs at San Diego Padres. I wish I knew some jokes about San Diego. You would think there would be some or at least a movie I could reference. [WGN, 10:00 ET]
• National Football League. NFL Live. I’m sure there will be something interesting to discuss on tonight’s episode. I have no idea what, but I’m sure they’ll come up with something. [ESPN2, 9:00 ET]
• I hope no one gets sexually assaulted. Shaq Vs. Tonight, “Shaquille O’Neal visits NFL quarterback Ben Roethlisberger for a football challenge, training at the Pittsburgh Steelers practice facility and playing a 7-on-7 game at a Pennsylvania high school.” Kinky. [ABC, 9:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. I, Robot. After I went and saw this movie in the theater, I spent the next few days referring to myself as “Me, Moron.” [FX, 7:30 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute (August 18th)
Posted by:• If you don’t check out Busted Coverage’s Click-A-Chick post every day, you’re really missing out. Today’s features “Nok Usanee, Dukai Regina, Jessica Leigh, Helen Christensen, And Friends.” Nice. [Busted Coverage]
• John David Booty is a humanitarian. You think he ain’t? [Bootlegger Sports]
• Chris Carter has an interesting conversation with Bonita Favre. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Some guy claims that Shaq stole his idea for the show Shaq Vs. Good luck with all that. [With Leather]
• Drew writes the definitive Vikings fan-Brett Favre post. Kudos and well said, good sir. [Deadspin]
There are few plays more exciting in professional football than a touchdown, other than the squib kick, of course (hey, look at that football – it’s bouncing all funny and stuff!). So if you are one of those fans that can’t get enough of highlights of touchdowns being scored (or if you happen to be a Cleveland Browns fan), the NFL has a new channel just for you: NFL RedZone.
NFL RedZone, produced by NFL Network, whips around every NFL game on Sunday afternoons delivering the touchdowns and most exciting moments live and in high definition. When a team goes inside the 20-yard line, fans see the crucial plays as they happen. The channel keeps fans up-to-date in real time, switching from game to game with live look-ins, highlights and a chance to see every important play.
