Archive for August, 2009
Hey, it worked for the Vikings, didn’t it?
If you live in the Jacksonville area (sorry about that) and want to see home games of the Jaguars, you better buy tickets now (I guess you have some time) because it looks like every home game will be blacked out this season.
The Jaguars play the first of 10 home games this year Saturday night — two in the preseason and eight in the regular season — and the team has already announced all 10 will be blacked out on TV because of a lack of ticket sales.
This will be the first time in their 15-year history that they’ve blacked out all 10 games and the stadium might be only, about half-filled Saturday night. Crowd noise probably won’t be a problem for the Bucs.
Isn’t it a bit premature to assume that every game will be blacked out? Are the Jaguars already admitting defeat this season? Unless they have only sold something like 50 tickets to each game, isn’t it possible the team could get on a roll, fan interest would boom and voilà! Sold out stadium!
(looks at Jags roster)
Oh. Nevermind. At least there is a good chance the Jags might have a new coaching staff next season. Change can be good.
Jaguars ready for string of blackouts [The Florida Times-Union]
Patrick Kane became emotional after his court appearance yesterday in Buffalo where he (and his cousin James Kane) pleaded not guilty to charges stemming from an alleged attack on cabbie Jan Radecki. On the walk back to his attorney’s office, Kane couldn’t hold back the waterworks.
Flanked by his parents, Patrick Sr. and Donna Kane, and attorney Paul Cambria, Kane became teary-eyed as a reporter asked about the emotional toll he’s under while facing misdemeanor assault, theft and harassment charges that he and his cousin beat up a cabdriver over a fare.
Dude, come on, don’t be that guy. I know you’re still a kid, but you’re twenty years old – time to start acting like a man.
For those of you too young to know, movies with animals participating in human sports did not begin in the nineties with atrocious films like Air Bud and MVP: Most Valuable Primate. Nope, in the late seventies, movie studios could attract major talent to star in ill-conceived films. For instance, Disney managed to bring in acting legends Don Knotts (he played Mr. Firley on Three’s Company!), Ed Asner and Tim Conway for Gus, which was about a field goal-kicking mule. Knotts played Coach Venner, head coach of the inept California Atoms, who bring in the ass to be the team’s kicker. Of course, hilarity ensues.
Which brings me to Chad Ochocinco. With regular kicker Shawn Graham sidelined with a groin injury, kicked the game-winning extra point in the Bengals’ 6-3 meaningless preseason victory over the Patriots. Via The Huddle:
“‘Esteban’ Ochocinco is back,” Ochocinco (whose day job is as a receiver) told reporters. “The most interesting footballer in the world. Everyone has to remember, I’ve always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now.”
• MLB Roundup. Drew Stubbs’ first career home run was a walkoff in the 10th inning of the Reds’ 2-1 victory over the Giants. Jayson Werth hit his fourth homer in three games and Ryan Howard added a three-run blast as the Phillies pounded the Diamondbacks 12-3. Brian Roberts hit a grand slam, the fourth of his career, leading the Orioles to a 8-7 win over the Rays. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Tennis. Serena Williams beat Alona Bondarenko 6-1, 6-4 and Maria Sharapova beat Vera Zvonareva 6-2, 7-6 (3) as both advanced to the quarterfinals of the Rogers Cup in Toronto. [The Associated Press]
• NFL Preseason. With regular kicker Shayne Graham dealing with an injured groin, Chad Ochocinco kicked the game-winning extra point late in the first half as the Bengals beat the Patriots in a preseason matchup. [NFL.com]
• And now, the severe beating of a parish school bus driver. A 29-year-old mother in Richmond, Louisiana has been booked on charges that she allegedly beat the snot out of her daughter’s bus driver. She is facing chrages of battery of a schoolteacher and simple battery of the infirm. According to a report, “…a Ouachita Parish School bus driver said the woman showed up at her house Tuesday evening and struck her in the mouth, causing bleeding, because she thought the bus driver was mean to her daughter.” Smart thinking. I’m sure her daughter is really going to appreciate being referred to as the “girl with the crazy mom that beats up bus drivers” for the rest of her years in school, because kids forget about things like that all the time. Good job, Mom of the Year. [Yahoo!/AP]
Plenty Of Good Seats Still Available
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Courtesy of Tirico Suave
Day games at the Great American Ballpark – they should have told people there was going to be a town hall meeting at the stadium and at least 5,000 lowbred half-witted morons would have shown up to scream and be disruptive. Unfortunately, they would have been quickly escorted out of the park since that sort of behavior is only tolerated at Fenway Park and Wrigley Field.
My favorite part is the extreme caution people display when finding their seat in a near-empty stadium. You see them walking down the stairs, reading the aisle rows and then carefully making sure they sit in the right one. Hey, I don’t think anyone is going to care if you’re a row off. Relax a little.
But don’t even think of sitting near me, mother fucker – I need my space.
[H/T Tirico Suave]
• Major League Baseball. Arizona Diamondbacks at Philadelphia Phillies. Don’t you think if would have been nice of Philadelphia to meet them halfway in St. Louis or something? I thought they were the City of Brotherly Love. [MLB Network, 7:00 ET]
• More Major League Baseball. Chicago Cubs at Los Angeles Dodgers. Watch the new Cubs closer, whoever he is, blow a save and then watch Lou Piniella’s brain explode out of his skull. [WGN, 10:00 ET]
• NFL Preseason Football. Philadelphia Eagles at Indianapolis Colts. I can hardly contain my excitement. (yawn) [FOX, 8:00 ET]
• It’s almost time for the new fall season, thank goodness. Two episodes of 30 Rock bookend an episode of Parks and Recreation and The Office. If people think I’m lazy now, just wait until football and new shows start up. [NBC, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (August 20th)
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• A scientific study on Babermetrics, “to quantify and standardize the sexual experiences of men.” Intriguing. [Style Points]
• Butter Chicken pens an open letter to Ben Roethlisberger. [Food Court Lunch]
• David Stern talks hoops in a barbershop in Harlem. Makes sense. [With Leather]
• Here’s the NBC NHL schedule for the upcoming season, unless something more important comes up, which could be pretty much anything. [Awful Announcing]
• Ramzee Robinson, the Detroit Lions and crapulence. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Annika Sorenstam is going to let internet trolls like us name her baby. [Devil Ball Golf]
With seven of the ten events now having been completed, American Trey Hardee remains in the lead of the decathlon at the world championships.
Hardee, who led after three events, topped the standings after running the fastest time Thursday in the 110-meter hurdles. His time of 13.86 seconds was also his fastest of the year.
The American followed with a personal-best throw in the discus to collect 6,334 points.
That’s great and everything and my heart is swelling with patriotism – or possibly a blood clot – I enjoy a big old greasy Thickburger from time to time myself – but talk about a strange name for someone that excels in one of the most physically grueling events in sport?
What’s next? Somebody named Anthony Whitecastle winning a marathon?
All I know if there were such a thing as a Hardee’s Decathlon, all the events would revolve around racing to the nearest bathroom.
Hardee leads decathlon after 7 events [The Seattle Times/AP]
Cincinnati Reds first baseman Joey Votto has been experiencing blurred vision recently and it had been speculated that it was due to the return of anxiety problems that have plagued Votto since his father’s death last summer. Thankfully (I guess), according to an eye doctor Votto visited, the cause of the blurred vision is believed to be something called a “retinal migraine,” which doesn’t sound pleasant at all. From Fanhouse:
The official line from Dusty Baker and the Reds is that this issue is unrelated to Votto’s previous anxiety problems, but when asked directly about it Votto didn’t rule that out. Doctors have told him it’s a stress-related issue and Votto admitted that it could be indirectly related to the anxiety issues stemming from his father’s death last August. The fact that he’s back in the lineup so quickly is a good sign for both him and for the Reds, though, so it seems unlikely there’s much to worry about right now.
Votto has been having a great season thus far for the Reds, batting .316 with 18 home runs and 59 RBI.
Here’s hoping for the best for Votto. Get well soon.
And for those of you young whippersnappers out there who do not get the reference to “Earache My Eye,” a video of the Cheech & Chong classic is conveniently located after the jump.
Decker? I Hardly Know Her!
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As far as I’m concerned, any reason is good enough to post photos of the luscious Brooklyn Decker. You know, because she’s pretty good looking and stuff. I imagine most of you would agree.
Decker, the wife of tennis player Andy Roddick (duh), is featured in an interview and photo spread in this month’s issue of GQ (the same one as Erin Andrews!!1!!1!). Writer Will Welch describes seeing Decker make her appearance thusly:
Brooklyn Decker walks into New York’s Jane Hotel straight from a flight from Texas, where she’s been swimming in Austin Lake and spoiling her bulldog, Billie Jean. She’s double-take tall with a perfect mess of blond hair, ripped jeans, and a loose pink tank top draped over her nearly six-foot frame. The only jewelry she wears is a wedding band, some tiny skull earrings, and a thin gold necklace I ask her about. “Oh,” the 22-year-old Charlotte native says, checking the hardware. “It has an A on it. How cheesy.”
Hummina hummina hummina.
Well, No S**t, Sherlock
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Really? You think? Granted, the headline was thought up by someone at ESPN.com, but the fact that someone took the time to write the article for The Associate Press is ludicrous as well. To wit:
It’s unclear, however, what kind of a hit Pitino’s brand will take following his very public apology last week for an “indiscretion” at a Louisville restaurant six years ago with a woman later accused of trying to extort millions from him.
His job appears safe after his employers at the university backed him in the days since. His reputation, though, could be a harder sell.
A harder sell? Rick Pitino has something hard for you to sell! Ha!
No, but in all seriousness, he does. For some reason, Pitino purchased a buttload of Cavemen: The First (And Only) Season DVDs and he’d like to dump them. Pitino really thought that show was going somewhere.
Pitino image to suffer [ESPN/AP]
Note: been having internet connection issues at work. Hence, the delay…Grr.
• Plaxico Burress is heading to the pokey for two years, where he will get pokeyed. [With Leather]
• Rob in WI has his Indianapolis Colts preview up. Wait, Indianapolis is in Wisconsin? My fucking Geography teacher lied to me. He also touched me inappropriately, but that’s a story for another time. [Style Points]
• lowercase profiles football in the MWC – that’s Mountain West Conference for the layperson. [The Phoenix Pub]
• The real reason Tony Dungy is so nice to Michael Vick and it ain’t pretty. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Newly single: superhottie Krystal Forscutt. (insert foreskin joke). [Sharapova's Thigh]
YouTube co-founder Chad Hurley (pictured left) has money to burn and he ain’t afraid to spend it. Hurley will be the primary investor in a new U.S. Formula One racing team and hopes to have the team in place for next season.
“I am thrilled to be a part of America’s first Formula One team in more than 40 years,” the multi-millionaire told the autosport.com website.
“Getting in on the ground floor of a project of this size and scope is a tremendous opportunity, and I look forward to helping shape the US F1 vision and corporate strategy for years to come.”
As you can probably guess, Hurley is one rich mofo. Hurley is the CEO of YouTube, which was sold to Google in 2006 for $1.6 billion dollars.
It’s amazing how much money you can make off the stupidity of others and their willingness to put it out there for the world to see. Meanwhile, I can’t even find investors for my get-rich-quick scheme: Blogger Sunlamp. I’m still in the design stage, but it is my intent that the product somehow run solely on wasted time and crusts of Bagel Bites.
YouTube co-founder backing new U.S. F1 team [Reuters]
You see what I did there? And just think, I’m only on my first cup of coffee – I mean Irish Coffee.
The folks at Dick’s Sporting Goods are not planning on stocking Michael Vick jerseys at least until they gauge the response of Eagles fans regarding Philadelphia signing the disgraced quarterback.
“Right now we don’t know how much of a demand there is for” the jersey, Dick’s chief marketing officer, Jeff Hennion, said in a prepared statement. “If there is a demand for it, we’ll sell it.”
That statement had to be prepared? How could you screw that one up? It’s probably not a good thing that the guy in charge of marketing for your company cannot remember twenty-some words.
• MLB Roundup. The Twins rallied for four runs in the sixth and held the Rangers scoreless from that point forward as Minnesota beat Texas 5-4. Cliff Lee carried a bid for a no-hitter into the sixth inning, ultimately yielding only an unearned run on two hits in a dominant complete game performance as the Phillies beat the Diamondbacks 8-1. Jered Weaver of the Angels pitched his second career shutout, blanking the Indians 3-0. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Major League Baseball. After clearing waivers since being released by the Red Sox John Smoltz agreed to a deal with the St. Louis Cardinals. Smoltz will either be a fifth starter or work out of the bullpen. During his time with the Red Sox, Smoltz was 2-5 with an 8.33 ERA. [The Associated Press]
• Track and Field. Usain Bolt won in the 200-meter semifinals with ease at the world championships. He will run in the finals today. [Bloomberg]
• The Man always has to come in and take away a penguin’s free spirit, man. Ralph, a ten-year old Humboldt penguin living at the Marwell Wildlife Center in Winchester, England, isn’t like other penguins. First of all, he’s a strict vegetarian (not true). Secondly, he sheds his feathers all at once, “leaving his pale pink skin vulnerable to the hot sun and cold air.” How embarassing. I wonder if he gets made fun of by the other penguins – they can be so cruel and uppity. [MSNBC]
