Archive for August, 2009
Gah!! Kill it! Kill it!
Cristal Taylor, the former fiancée of Dirk Nowitzki, was sentenced earlier today in circuit court in St. Charles, Missouri to five years in prison for violating her probation.
Cristal A. Taylor, 38, a St. Louis-area native, appeared this morning in circuit court in St. Charles. She admitted that she failed to check in with her probation officer and that she was arrested twice in Texas in 2000 for misdemeanors.
The arrest brought to light her criminal record, including a St. Charles County case from 1997 in which Taylor was accused of forgery and stealing. She pleaded guilty in 1999 and was placed on probation. She also has an outstanding warrant for violating probation in a St. Louis County bad check case. Police have tied Taylor to a string of aliases.
What I would like to know is what did Nowitzki ever see in her, other than she was an uglier man than he was, which is saying something. Sweet mamma jamma that is one homely woman.
Nevertheless, I’m not giving up on these two star-crossed lovers making a go of it again someday. Taylor was given credit for one year probation and with time served, she could be out in less than four years. Dirk will more than likely be out of the NBA after Mark Cuban realizes two years too late that Nowitzki is washed up. and will be looking for someone to help him open his David Hasselhoff museum. If you build it, they will come.
NBA star’s ex-fiancee gets prison time [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
I can think of one fictional person who isn’t pleased with the following news:
No doubt as a result of posting a photo on Twitter with what appeared to be some sacks of weed in the background, Miami Heat forward Michael Beasley has checked himself into an unnamed rehab facility in Houston. From Yahoo! (via The Sporting Blog):
Sources said the Heat encouraged Beasley to check into the facility to address possible substance and psychological issues. He is expected to spend time with former NBA player and coach John Lucas, who is renown for his success in working with troubled players.
When reached Monday morning, Miami Heat spokesman Tim Donovan declined comment. An NBA spokesman also declined comment.
• Nope, some of them fancy themselves poets – I think. [Melt Your Face Off]
• The Frat Boy is back and he’s doing what he does best (except for date rape): he’s recapping the weekend. [Style Points]
• Michelle Wie is now a winner. Suck on that. [Devil Ball Golf]
• ailanthus altissima is sick and tired of being sick and tired of the SEC. [The Phoenix Pub]
• Saved by the Bell had been around for 20 years? Jesus. Here’s an interesting retrospective. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Big Daddy Drew deconstructs Peter King’s latest column. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Horse racing ain’t good for horses? What the fuck? [Bootlegger Sports]
Alright, that’s not exactly what Dungy said, but he did have a stern warning for the quarterback, saying, “Michael, you can’t do that,” after it was reported that Vick was spotted drinking a Grey Goose and pineapple juice when he went out the night after his first practice with the Eagles.
Although the consumption of alcohol is not a violation of Vick’s probation, Dungy is concerned (via Peter King) that drinking may show that Vick is not doing everything he can to “live a clean life and devote himself totally to football.”
While true, I wonder if Dungy is more concerned about the choice of alcoholic beverage as opposed to the actual drinking. Pineapple juice and Grey Goose? Granted, a vokda pineapple juice isn’t technically a classic chick drink, but given Dungy’s attitude towards “alternative lifestyles”, he may have a little more of a conservative view of what constitutes a “manly” drink versus a “fancy” boy drink.
Usain Bolt, who broke the world records in the 100 and 200 meter races at the world championships, was honored Sunday by his German hosts when the city of Berlin awarded him with a nearly three-ton chunk of the Berlin Wall.
The piece of the wall, which divided communist East Berlin from West Berlin between 1961 and 1989, is decorated with a life-size painting of Bolt running on the blue track of the Olympic stadium and the words “NEW WR”—new world record. Bolt set a world record in the 100 at 9.58 seconds and 19.19 in the 200.
This is all well and good for Bolt, and you could even argue that he deserved it. But how do you think David Hasselhoff will feel if and when he catches wind of what Berlin did? It’s not like Bolt brought communism to its knees simply through his gift of song, like the Hoff did.
Nope, this isn’t fair – not fair at all. Which once again confirms my theory: Germans love disrespecting David Hasselhoff.
Bolt gets piece of Berlin Wall-huge piece [Yahoo!/AP]
Renaldo Balkman was arrested on Saturday for suspicion of driving under the influence in Florida according to a police report on the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office website.
The 25-year-old Balkman was arrested by Temple Terrace, Fla., police at 4 a.m. Saturday, after he refused a blood-alcohol content test. Balkman was booked at 5:30 a.m. and released on a $500 bond at 12:30 p.m.
“We are aware of a traffic violation involving Renaldo Balkman early Saturday morning in Tampa. As is team policy and out of respect for the legal process, we will have no further comment,” Nuggets vice president of basketball operations Mark Warkentien said in a statement released by the team.
I guess that’s one way to put your name out there, because to be honest with you, I’ve never heard of the guy before this morning. For his sake, at least Balkman didn’t run over a pedestrian in the process. Otherwise, Balkman could have been looking at doing some hard time – like a couple of weeks or something. Remember, this is Florida.
Nuggets’ Balkman arrested in Florida [The Denver Post]
• MLB Roundup. For only the second time in Major League history, an unassisted triple play (this one by Eric Bruntlett) ended the game in the Phillies’ 9-7 win over the Mets. Michael Cuddyer hit two home runs in the seventh inning, the first Minnesota Twin to ever accomplish that feat, as the Twins beat the Royals 10-3 to complete the three-game sweep. Jake Fox helped the Cubs avoid a four-game sweep at the hands of the Dodgers, going 4-4 as Chicago beat Los Angeles 3-1. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Women’s Golf. The U.S. Women’s team defeated Europe 16-12 to win th Solheim Cup. [LPGA.com]
• PGA Tour. Ryan Moore shot a final round 65, including five consecutive birdies on the back nine to win his first career PGA Tour tournament, defeating Kevin Stadler on the third hole of a playoff at the Wyndham Championship. [PGATour.com]
• It’s a shame, really, as the guy was well on his way to doing absolutely nothing with his life by working at Wal-Mart. A 26-year-old employee is still on the loose after he allegedly took an aluminum bat off a shelf to hit 29-year-old assistant manager George Freibott approximately 12 times after Freibott wrote him up for poor job performance. It’s for reasons like this I refuse to enter a Wal-Mart. Just driving through the parking lot of one of their stores makes me feel like I need to take a shower. [Yahoo!/AP]
Alright, kids. It’s a pretty exciting night in the Weed household. Less than 2 hours from the time of this post, Brett Favre will be taking the field for the first time as a member of the Minnesota Vikings. Granted, he will only be playing a series or two, but the tension and excitement in the Land of 10,000 Lakes is palatable. I have to admit despite hating myself for it that this development has made the upcoming season that much more intriguing.
So, here’s what old Weed accomplished at the Sportress this week when he should have been working.
•NFL Preseason Football. Tennessee Titans at Dallas Cowboys. I guess a national audience will be getting a good look at the new stadium. I bet Jerry Jones has a raging mental erection right now. [FOX, 8:00 ET]
• Little League Baseball. World Series, Pool Play: Peabody (Mass.) vs. San Antonio. I can here the ping already. [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
• Tennis. U.S. Open Series – A replay (originally aired earlier today) of the Western and Southern Financial Group Masters Quarterfinal. I bet the Eastern and Northern Financial Group feels like a bunch of chumps right now. [ESPN2, 10:30 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Ghostbusters. Murray. Akroyd. That other guy. Can’t miss. [AMC, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (August 21st)
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• You can insure your fantasy football team? And yet everybody mocked and ridiculed me when I tried to get insurance on my Level 49 Paladin Dungeons & Dragons character. [With Leather]
• The guys on the Raiders coaching staff are a bunch of woodheads. [Bootlegger Sports]
• The Winnipeg Blue Bombers have added Tarvaris Jackson’s name to their exclusive negotiations list. What am I going to do with my authentic Vikings jersey. [FanIQ]
• MarissaExplainsItAll explains gender issues in sports. [The Phoenix Pub]
• Alex Ovechkin is a bona fide rock star. [Puck Daddy]
• Hex delivers another edition of “What Are You Thinking?” Well done, as always. [Melt Your Face Off]
In what appears to be turning into a developing trend, I am left simultaneously attracted to while completely terrified of SI‘s “Cheerleader of the Week.” If I may, allow me to introduce Cambria Kattau, a senior from Northern Arizona University majoring in Elementary Education.
As you can plainly see, like all Cheerleaders of the Week, she is quite fetching: cute as a button, nice smile, great body, the works. However, the photographer didn’t do Ms. Kattau any favors by the way he or she shot her. In fact, it almost seems like the photographer went out of his or her way to accentuate a minor flaw in Cambria’s appearance. You see, Cambria has what they refer to in some circles as – shoot, how can I put this nicely – well, she kind of has a “wonk eye.”
What would you do if someone you loved was crushed and killed by a collapsing wall near Wrigley Field during a horrible storm? If you’re as litigious as the mother of one Alec Drews, the 21-year-old man who was unfortunately killed, you sue the ass off the party that has the deepest pockets, of course!
The suit claims the wall was slated for demolition but the Cubs failed to cordon off the area.
Drews took shelter by the wall after a powerful storm struck. Workers came across the badly injured man while clearing the rubble.
Drews died a week later of head and neck injuries. The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages.
While it is tragic that the kid died, sometimes, bad shit happens. Is it the plaintiff’s contention that the Cubs should have thought, “Well, this wall is going to be demolished, and even though it’s fairly in tact structurally, could it withstand straight-line winds if a terrible storm were to blow through?”
Now, I’m not an attorney and maybe I’m looking at this from the wrong perspective – which is far better than looking at it from underneath a huge pile of rubble – but unless the goddamn wall was crumbling and bricks and debris were breaking off it, I don’t see how this isn’t yet another frivolous lawsuit and an example of someone attempting to abuse the legal process to make a quick buck two years after a tragic yet unforeseeable act of nature.
Either way, the guy was probably a Cubs fan, so it’s not like he will be missing out on a World Series championship anytime soon. Plus I heard that when a Cubs fan goes to heaven, Harry Caray greets you at the pearly gates and serves you an ice cold Budweiser, so that’s pretty cool.
Woman sues Cubs over collapsed wall in son’s death [CBS Sports]
Jaw-flapping knee-jerk reactionary Jemele Hill was at it again this week. You may recall that Hill has a history of being unable to self-censor her thoughts, including in 2008 when she suggested that cheering for the Celtics was akin to claiming that Hitler was a victim, an offense that got her suspended by the tWWL.
Probably wearing Bad Idea Jeans, Hill suggested on First Take that Packers fans should throw batteries at Brett Favre when he returns to Lambeau Field on November 1st when Minnesota visits. Via Game On!:
Hill suggested that Packers fans shower Favre with something other than love, saying:
When Hill’s on-air colleagues asked what “Duracell treatment” meant, she said:
• I bet that title got your attention. Now that you are alert, head on over for photos documenting said boobies. [Busted Coverage]
• Randy Cross likes drawing cocks with his telestrator. Offscreen, he likes to makepapier-mâché molds of Hall of Fame players. Hey, it’s a hobby. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Minnesota Wild fans don’t appreciate Brett Favre coming to town and causing a ruckus. [Melt Your Face Off]
• One of my favorite commenters from back in the day, Hustler of Culture, wrote a preview for the Dallas Cowboys. Read it. [Style Points]
• Maria Sharapova ain’t retiring. Whew. Thank goodness. [Sharapova's Thigh]
The reference, of course, is from a 1988 interview Knight did with Connie Chung where he stated that “I think that if rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it.”
You have to love Bobby Knight, the moronic above quote notwithstanding. Between his acerbic personality and wacky antics, the guy is like your pissed-off grandpa that will say or do anything he damn well pleases because no one is going to call him on it.
This photo is as old and irrelevant as Coach Knight’s balls, but that doesn’t take away from its inherent awesomeness. It looks like Knight is either passed-out drunk or simply taking a snooze while he waits for the Matlock program to come on.
The point? Nothing, really. But it’s Friday, and everyone deserves a chuckle after a long week.
Additionally, for no other reason than it’s Bobby Knight-related, a classic video of outtakes from a Bobby Knight instructional golf video. If you have never seen it before, you’re going to laugh your ass off. Enjoy.
