Archive for August, 2009
Yowsers. Seattle Mariners third baseman Adrian Beltre could miss the rest of the season after taking a wicked one-hopper off his ball sack in Wednesday night’s game against the White Sox.
Manager Don Wakamatsu said the Gold Glove third baseman is out indefinitely, and might need surgery because of bleeding in a testicle. Beltre does not wear a protective cup because he says it’s uncomfortable.
If Beltre needs surgery, he could be out for an extended time. If there’s no surgery, he would need 10 days to two weeks to recover.
(shifts uncomfortably in chair)
In a shining example of intesticle fortitude, Beltre stayed in the game, eventually scoring the winning run. According to Beltre, “It hurt pretty bad. It was hurting me pretty much the whole game after that.”
I’m sure it was, Mr. Beltre. I’m sure it was.
Mariner notebook: Injury might end Adrian Beltre’s season [The Seattle Times]
• PGA Championship. Known to sometimes struggle on opening days of tournaments, Tiger came out and played a bogey-free round and shot and five-under 67. Padraig Harrington is one shot back at 4-under and six players are tied for third: Vijay Singh, David Toms, Robert Allenby, Matthew Goggin, Hunter Mahan and Alvaro Quiros. Other notable scores are Stewart Cink at +1 and Kenny Perry and Phil Mickelson at +2. [PGATour.com]
• National Football League. A preseason game suddenly felt even less important when it was announced that Michael Vick has finally found a team to play for and the organization that took the huge risk in signing him was the Philadelphia Eagles. Confirmed during Philadelphia’s preseason game against the New England Patriots by both the team and Vick’s agent, the terms according to Fox Sports are that Vick will be paid $1.6 million this season with an option for a second year where he could make $5.6 million. [The Philadelphia Inquirer]
• MLB Roundup. I guess those supplements work. Bronson Arroyo, engulfed in controversy due to comments he made regarding his supplement intake, pitched a gem, giving up on ly two hits and no runs in a complete game while Jonny Gomes provided the offense by hitting three home runs in Cincinnati’s 7-0 win over Washington. Justin Verlander gave up four hits in eight innings while striking out eight as Detroit beat Boston 2-0. Josh Hamilton had four hits, leading the Rangers to a 4-1 victory over Cleveland. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Only in New York! A performance artist is riling up Brooklyn residents with his fake drug dealing where he shows up at homes between 10:00 p.m. and 2:00 a.m. and delivers candy crack. So, pretty much you can do whatever you want and as long as you call it art you can’t get in trouble? If that’s the case, I guess it’s time to dust off my old performance art piece, “Hey You, Look At My Wiener.” It really didn’t play well in community theater but I’m willing to give it another shot. [Yahoo!/AP]
Love him or hate him, Jason Whitlock is always an entertaining read and frequently provocative, and his latest column, “Pitino ran into the biggest dynasty in sports” does not disappoint.
The column obviously delves into the trouble Rick “Cabaret” Pitino has gotten himself into, and our good man Whitlock believes that Pitino is only the latest (and not the last) sports figure to run into the biggest dynasty of them all in sports: pussy, snatch, cooch, etc.
Read along with me. FJM-style always works well in these situations, so I’m going that well until it runs dry, which should be about halfway through this post.
Read More→
• NFL Preseason Football. Arizona Cardinals at Pittsburgh Steelers. Hey, it’s a rematch of last year’s Super Bowl with absolutely nothing at stake. Experience the boredom. Live! [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
• Little League Baseball. Bridge City (Texas) vs. San Antonio (Texas). It’s Little League World Series time again already? Creepy old men better have saved up enough of their vacation days. [ESPN2, 8:00 ET]
• MLB Baseball. Houston Astros at Florida Marlins. I’ve got nothing. [MLB Network, 7:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Black Hawk Down. I can’t believe there is already a made-for-TV movie about Patrick Kane. Sheesh. [FX, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute (August 13th)
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• Mom who appeared in Playboy has a stalker and is suing her husband’s employer. [Busted Coverage]
• Be sure to head on over to Style Points for Last Call tonight. And help them find the folks who used to hang out at night. I would like to know where they went as well. [Style Points]
• Shut it down. Tiger is already owning the PGA Championship. [The Sporting Blog]
• Adam has a newbie’s guide to soccer. Interesting read. [The Phoenix Pub]
• “11-on-11, Girl-on-Girl Asian-Aussie Action.” Relax, it’s a soccer video, but there is a brawl in it, which is pretty awesome. [With Leather]
• Not sports-related, but real cool nonetheless: Season Seven promos for Curb Your Enthusiasm. [Sharapova's Thigh]
Well, it’s about time – I didn’t think they would do it, considering the backlash they are going to receive from feminists like Gloria Vanderbilt and Jenna Jameson, women’s boxing will be part of 2012 Olympics in London, and I have to say, I’m thrilled with the news.
“It’s a great addition,” IOC president Jacques Rogge said. “The sport of women’s boxing has progressed a lot, a tremendous amount, in the last five years. It was about time to include it in the Olympic Games.”
Ain’t that the truth. Instead of homely women like Tonya Harding and Oscar De La Hoya competing, we have lovely ladies like those pictured above competing.
Female boxers will compete in three weight classes, with 12 competitors each in flyweight, lightweight and middleweight. To make room for the 36 boxers, one of the 11 men’s classes will be dropped.
So it’s going to be just like Olympic men’s boxing, with headgear, scoring and all that crap? What about the big-as-pillow gloves, bikinis and the thrill one experiences whenever there is possibility for gratuitous nudity?
No, this isn’t right. We don’t want to watch women pummel other women in a sporting fashion. If the Bible has taught us nothing else – and it hasn’t – it’s that girls should stick to girls’ sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such.
I couldn’t have said it any better. Here’s to you, Homer Simpson, or more accurately, the struggling comedian they had writing for The Simpsons that season.
Women’s boxing added to 2012 London Olympics [The Seattle Times/AP]
Suhhh-weeeeet!!!
Hey, slackin’ asses, in between frantically refreshing the page here on the Sportress and looking at porn, you should head on over to Yahoo! Sports to watch live coverage of the PGA Championship. From Devil Ball Golf:
Y! Sports and PGA.com will present a live stream of the action from Hazeltine this weekend via a robust video player experience. Fans will be able to follow not only the TNT simulcast but also the Par 3′s and marquee groups.
The player also has DVR functionality, allowing you to rewind and replay highlights and key moments. The player will be showing the action at the following times:
Thursday: 9 a.m. ET – 8 p.m. ET
Friday: 9 a.m. ET – 8 p.m. ET
Saturday: 11 a.m. ET – 7 p.m. ET
Sunday: 11 a.m. ET – 7 p.m. ET
A link to the video player is right here, and let me tell you, the quality is phenomenal, so enjoy. And if they even dare think about it, I hereby authorize you to tell your pain-in-the-ass boss that he can go fuck himself. Or herself. Better yet, to cover all the bases, tell your boss if you wanted any lip out of him/her, you’d pull down their pants.
That one always works. If you want to get fired, that is.
Watch the PGA Championship live on Yahoo! Sports [Devil Ball Golf]
• Bronson Arroyo don’t give a fuck about anything, including making good music. [Deadspin]
• Bobby Big Wheel’s season preview of the New York Giants. [Style Points]
• The Top 10 next states in the relationship between Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson. [Five Tool Tool]
• Speaking of which, here’s a comprehensive look at the whole Quinn-Anderson controversy. [Bootlegger Sports]
• A look at a bunch of wacky baseball hairdos. [More Hardball]
• Not surprising in the least, but Avoiding the Drop has the best recap of the U.S.-Mexico soccer match that I have read. [Avoiding the Drop]
• Versus is debuting a sports business program this month. It better not interfere with rodeo coverage. [Awful Announcing]
I don’t give a shit what my insurance company says, it wasn’t elective surgery.
But enough about me and my improved penis (for now). Now that the PGA Championship is off and running at Hazeltine National in lovely Chaska, Minnesota, much of the talk leading up to the tournament has surrounded how course architect Rees Jones, who assisted in the modification, added 314 yards to the course. Now, Hazeltine National will challenge players with an incredible 7,674 yards, up from 7,360 when it last hosted the PGA Championship in 2002.
Now that it has been confirmed that Pitino did in fact have a sexual relationship with Karen Cunagin Sypher, initial speculation was that Pitino gave Sypher $3000 to get an abortion. Pitino’s attorney, Steve Pence, has come out and stated that Pitino gave the money to her for health insurance, which she did not have at the time, not for an abortion.
Well, not specifically for an abortion, but if she wanted to have one, I’m sure the coach would have been more than fine with that.
“The way this has been reported in the media is not accurate,” Pence told The Associated Press. “The coach has not done anything illegal.”
According to a statement on the IBU’s website, an independent anti-doping panel for the International Biathlon Union has handed down two-year suspensions to Russian biathletes Albina Akhatova, Yekaterina Iourieva and Dmitri Yaroshenko after the three tested positive for rEPO at a World Cup event in Sweden last December.
The panel’s decision means that all three biathletes are ruled out of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, and under new International Olympic Committee rules, will not be eligible for the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi, Russia.
I’m not what you call a biathlon junkie, but I find this news hardly surprising. Obviously these biathletes were taking something pretty powerful if it casused them to develop both male and female genitalia. That’s what a biathlete is, right?
And since when are these kind of people allowed to compete in the Olympics? That’s news to me as well. What a screwy, mixed-up world we’re living in.
3 Russian biathletes suspended for doping at WCup [The Seattle Times]
As he prepares for his 17th (!) PGA Championship, John Daly, pictured above during a practice round at Hazeltine Wednesday, blames his recent weight loss for a back problem that he claims he never had, as he puts it, “when I was fat.”
Daly, who returned from a PGA Tour suspension earlier this season, said an injury suffered earlier this summer in Paris has caused his back to lock up at times. That’s resulted in tee shots hooking wildly to the left.
That’s what happened on the 12th tee Wednesday. His first crack at the longest par-4 (518 yards) sailed over the gallery down the left side of the fairway. “If it doesn’t go good [this week], I’m not worried,” Daly said. “I’m just going to go out and play, work on some things and try and manage the golf course the best I can.”
• MLB Roundup. Pedro Martinez wasn’t dazzling but he was efficient in his first start for Philadelphia, going five innings, giving up three runs and striking out five as the Phillies beat the Cubs 12-5. Francisco Liriano looked like the dominating pitcher he used to be, yielding only three hits and one earned run while striking out eight as the Twins beat the Royals 7-1. Josh Beckett is the first pitcher to fourteen wins after pitching seven strong innings as the Red Sox beat the Tigers 8-2. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Soccer. The U.S. held the lead at Azteca Stadium for the first time ever, but they couldn’t hold on. Miguel Sabah scored in the 82nd minute as Mexico rallied to beat the United States 2-1 in a World Cup qualifying match. Mexico improved to 23-0-1 at home against the U.S. [The Associated Press]
• Boxing. Middleweight Kelly Pavlick (35-1, 31 knockouts) will defend his two title belts against Paul Williams (37-1, 27 knockouts) on October 3rd in Atlantic City. [Bad Left Hook]
• Who hasn’t passed out in a bridal gown in the backseat of a car next to a crate of vodka at least once in their lives? German police had to smash a window to rescue a 30-year-old German bride out of the backseat of a BMW after it overheated. The woman was still in her wedding gown and was sleeping next to a crate of vodka. Nice. Despite having a window shattered next to her, she had to be shaken several times before she regained consciousness and had no idea where she was or the location of her husband. Considering the facts, I would get used to that, sweetie. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
• Major League Baseball. Philadelphia Phillies at Chicago Cubs. Pedro Martinez’s first start for Philly. As an added bonus, you can either watch it on ESPN or follow it with homer coverage on WGN. It’s your choice, dude. [ESPN/WGN, 8:00 ET]
• Big League Softball. Apparently, this is the final and teams are to be announced. They don’t know who’s in the final? This sounds about as organized as a beer league if you ask me. [ESPN2, 8:00 ET]
• Get caught up before new episodes start up. Lie To Me. Tonight’s episode: “Life Is Priceless”: “While investigating a building collapse, Lightman discovers a massive cover-up; a billionaire asks the team to determine if his girlfriend loves him for the right reasons.” It has Tim Roth in it, for crying out loud. Watch it. [FOX, 9:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Batman Begins. This one should hold up well on cable. On a side note: do you think that if someone started up a cable channel that only showed movies Michael Caine appeared in they could broadcast 24 hours a day, 7 days a week without ever having to show a repeat for say, the first 6 months? That guy was and still is prolific, man. [AMC, 10:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (August 12th)
Posted by:• Punte has the breakdown on Saturday’s Gina Carano-Christine “Cyborg” Santos matchup. Also, it turns out that Carano is Punte’s secret MMA girlfriend, which means she has been totally cheating on me. [With Leather]
• James Brown is doing good works as he explains aspects of the game of cricket. Well done, chap. [The Phoenix Pub]
• A Jim Balsillie-Gary Bettman-A Few Good Men mashup. Excellent. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Photoshopped Los Angeles Dodgers baseball cards. [More Hardball]
• Shakey spices up Landon Donovan’s backstory. [Style Points]
• Kevin Youkilis is a sissy. Goddamn right he is. [Sharapova's Thigh]
