Archive for August, 2009
• NFL Preseason Football. Minnesota Vikings at Houston Texans. In what should be a pretty compelling game, Sage Rosenfels makes his triumphant return to Houston as he tries to become the starting QB for the Vikings. [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
• Tennis. Live first round coverage of the U.S. Open. Since it’s early in the tournament, the odds are pretty good a comely female will be competing, so that’s pretty cool. [ESPN2, 7:00 ET]
• Awesome. Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. Episode: “Burning Questions”. Summary: “Tony answers viewers’ top 10 questions based on the results of an online poll.” Of course, they didn’t choose my question for Tony: why can’t I have your job? [The Travel Channel, 10:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. The Devil Wears Prada. I don’t care what anyone says, I’ll watch anything with this hottie in it. You know, Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt ain’t bad either. Neither is Meryl Streep when you think about it. I guess what I’m trying to say is: Stanley Tucci is to die for. [FX, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (August 31st)
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• Erin Andrews will be appear on Oprah on the show set to air September 11th. [Deadspin]
• About the only thing of interest from Denver-Chicago preseason game. This guy’s “Cuntler” t-shirt. [Busted Coverage]
• The five reasons Puck Daddy’s Greg Wyshynski loves hockey. [Puck Daddy]
• Not to be outdone, LeNoc and Hex come up with SIX reasons why they love hockey. [Melt Your Face Off]
• A “disguised” Steve Nash played a game of pick-up basketball with some Chinese people in Beijing. Unfortunately, the disguise didn’t help Nash not be ugly. [Ball Don't Lie]
• The new MLB batting helmets are nice, but a moron can still get hurt while wearing one of them. [Bootlegger Sports]
• RonArtestsTableLeg previews the Miami Dolphins. [Style Points]
Hey TBS, Go F**k Yourself
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2009 TBS MLB Open- Bon Jovi from Turner Sports on Vimeo.
Courtesy of Big League Stew, above you will find the upcoming commercial promoting the MLB playoffs set that are set to air on TBS until your sanity is effectively forced into submission and you’re left begging for Frank TV ads.
As you can see, the hip and happening brain wizards at TBS went with the old standy, Bon Jovi, and their song “We Weren’t Born To Follow” as the theme music for the postseason, and I have one thing to say to you assfucks:
Go fuck yourself with a rusty box cutter. Seriously? Fucking Bon fucking Jovi? When was the last time these fucksticks were relevant? Yeah, I understand, in order for it to be an effective advertisement, these companies have to appeal to a wide spectrum of ages, styles and musical tastes, but Bon Jovi makes about as much sense as me selling my urine for drug tests.
Who out there is still listening to Bon Jovi except some shitheads from Jersey when they can’t find their Springsteen albums?
I am so sick of watching these companies going with the lowest common denominator by partnering up with bands like Bon Jovi. I suppose TBS could have went with U2 except that crap band is already whoring themselves out to Blackberry and sacrificing the little artistic integrity they have left. But really, who cares about U2 anymore anyway? They’re just another example of a piece-of-shit band making millions of dollars by manipulating nostalgic dickhead wannabes who want to believe the music they enjoy is still somehow relevant.
Anyway, fuck TBS and fuck any person who likes Bon Jovi.
BLS premiere: TBS’ new Bon Jovi ad for the MLB postseason [Big League Stew]
Living legends Jack Nickalus and Arnold Palmer will share honorary starting duties at next year’s Masters. Palmer had the duties all to himself last year and was the first honorary starter since Sam Snead in 2002. Nickalus, a five-time Masters champion, last played in the event as a competitor in 2005.
“I have always had great respect for Arnold and his legacy at the Masters, and I did not, in any way, want to infringe on the opportunity for Arnold to have and enjoy this Masters tradition for himself,” Nicklaus said in a statement. “He is so deserving of this honor, and thus I felt it was his time, not mine.”
He added that because Palmer “enthusiastically supported the invitation, it became an easy decision for me.”
If some Hollywood big shot doesn’t come up with a script for a buddy movie for these two, I’m going to be sorely disappointed. Here’s an idea to get them started: two older men travel across the country and compete in arm wrestling tournaments in a desperate attempt to win back the affections of their estranged grandchildren.
Now that’s the kind of idea you don’t see every day. I’m a visionary, folks. If you are left in awe of my genius, that’s okay. It happens all the time.
Nicklaus to join Palmer as 2010 Masters starter [Sporting News/AP]
Congratulations, Beatriz Recari
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A tip of the cap goes out to gorgeous golfer gal Beatriz Recari, who got her first win on the Ladies European Tour at the Finnair Masters. Via Golf Babes:
She struggled a bit in the final round, shooting 73 and giving up a 5-stroke lead. But then Bea held strong in a playoff, defeating veteran Iben Tinning. And what a way to do it: Bea holed-out a 176-yard 4-iron to win the playoff.
• General Tao muses over the current state of the Toronto Maple Leafs. It’ll get better, dude. [Food Court Lunch]
• The fellas over at SP begin their preview of the AP Top 25 in college football. This could get messy. [Style Points]
• Kurt Warner appeared on Disney Channel show called The Suite Life wearing a sparkly uniform. Yes, none of that last sentence makes any sense to me as well. [With Leather]
• Peter King – still a fucking retard. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Alexander Ovechkin got some new tattoos. [Puck Daddy]
• Minda believes Zack Greinke should win the Cy Young. I’m inclined to agree. [The Rookies]
It seems like only yesterday that Martina Hingis was on top of the tennis world, now she has been forced to accept her B-list status after signing on to compete in a second-rate celebrity dancing reality show in England.
A five-time Grand Slam winner currently serving a two-year ban after testing positive for cocaine, the 28-year-old Hingis has signed up to take part in the seventh season of BBC’s reality talent show “Strictly Come Dancing,” which starts Sept. 18.
To say that Hingis dominated women’s tennis during her stellar career would be an understatement. She spent a total of 209 weeks as the number one ranked player. Her career record of 548-133 and 45 career titles illustrate her dominance of her sport.
Unfortunately, injuries derailed her career in 2003, when she retired at the ripe old age of 22. Hingis attempted several comebacks in the years that followed, until she retired again November 2007. At the press conference announcing the retirement, Hingis admitted that she tested positive for cocaine at Wimbledon earlier in the year, but has always maintained her innocence.
Come on, Martina. Who cares if you dabbled a little bit with the coke? The poor girl spent her entire life on the tennis court up to that point and if she wanted to let loose, who are we to judge?
Always the talker (and good photo), after the jump are some of her best and most controversial quotes (culled from Wikipedia) and some photos to remind us what the world has been missing since Hingis took her leave from the grand stage.
Martina Navratilova, never one to sit on the sidelines, has picked up the pieces after a high-profile breakup from former partner Toni Layton and has begun dating 36-year-old former Miss USSR and Miss Universe contestant Julia Lemigova (pictured above in 1991). The pair were recently photographed enjoying the sights in Saint Tropez.
You sly dog, Martina! Not bad for a 52-year-old. It also appears that hooking up with former beauty queens is becoming a habit for Navratilova – Nelson, another one of her former loves, was a former Miss Texas. Who knew lesbianism was running rampant on the beauty pageant circuit? I choose to blame Mario Lopez and Jerry Springer, both former hosts of Miss Universe pageants.
Lemigova, the daughter of a Russian colonel, has dealt with the glare of the spotlight beyond her time as a Russian model. In 2005, her boyfriend, French banker Eduouard Stern was murdered by his mistress during an S&M bondage session gone wrong. Stern was found shot to death wearing a full body latex catsuit. Yowsers.
Bisexual beauty queens, Soviet military connections, S&M murder, sightseeing Saint Tropez – it almost makes you wish you were a butch lesbian tennis great, doesn’t it? Almost. I’m not sure I could ever be entirely comfortable with the whole fisting thing.
Martina Navratilova goes public with her new fiancée – a Soviet beauty queen with a tragic past [Daily Mail]
First reported by NBC, the word on the street is that New England Patriots linebacker Tedy Bruschi will announce his retirement some time this morning after a stellar 13-year-career.
A person familiar with his decision told The Associated Press on Sunday night that the 36-year-old Bruschi will announce his retirement at a news conference Monday morning. The person spoke on condition of anonymity because no announcement had been made.
Bruschi’s career has been nothing short of inspiring, considering returned to play football in the NFL after suffering a mild stroke just weeks after he played in his third Super Bowl with the Patriots.
Yep. That’s all I got on this story. One lame post title making fun of a guy who had a stroke. If you wanted insightful columns with in-depth reporting, you would be over on Fanhouse reading a Jay Mariotti column.
Wait. I must be confused. And why does the entire right side of my body feel numb all of a sudden? Ah. It will go away sooner or later.
Source: Pats LB Bruschi to retire [SI.com/AP]
And that wouldn’t be a bad thing, would it? 38-year-old veteran Mike Redmond is never the speediest guy on the field and that’s why the way he “rumbled, bumbled, stumbled” (kill me now) around the bases for only the third triple of his career during the Twins’ 5-3 over the Texas Rangers on Sunday was so entertaining. Seriously, I was watching it live and as he rounded second base I was concerned he wasn’t going to make it. Twins manager Ron Gardenhire agreed:
“When he rounded second, I saw that parachute open and I’m going, ‘Boy, this ain’t going to make it,’” Gardenhire joked. “That wasn’t a dive into third. That was a fall.”
Video after the jump.
• MLB Roundup. Kansas City Royals starter Zack Greinke continued making his case for Cy Young consideration with a one-hit shutout of the Mariners in a 3-0 Kansas City win. Placido Polanco hit a three-run homer with two outs in the bottom of the eighth to lead the Tigers to a 4-3 victory over the Rays. Manny Ramirez scored the winning run on a sacrifice fly by Matt Kemp in the 12th inning as the Dodgers beat the Reds 3-2 in extra innings. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Little League World Series. The team from Chula Vista, California came from three runs back to defeat Taiwan 6-3 to win the Little League World Series championship. It is the fifth consecutive championship for the United States. [The Associated Press]
• PGA Tour. Heath Slocum made a twenty-foot par putt on the 18th hole Sunday to win the Barclays at Liberty National in Jersey City, holding off charges by Ernie Els, Tiger Woods, Steve Stricker and Padraig Harrington, who finished one shot back. [PGATour.com]
• The worst part was when he was arrested, they had to pry him off the seat with a crowbar. Richard Irby (I’m sure he goes by Dick) was arrested in Tallahassee, Florida and charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct after the 55-year-old was seen riding around town wearing only a thong. “According to the Tallahassee Democrat, an officer who responded to a mobile home park on Aug. 17 was told that a resident saw Irby walking in a thong. The resident said Irby’s genitals were exposed.” Yowsers. Do you want to know what makes this even more disturbing, if that is possible? Pictures, of course! A photo of his mugshot and him in action on his bicycle after the jump.
We finally made it, kids. Another weekend is upon us and I ain’t got shit to do – besides golf – which always makes me perfectly happy.
Let’s see what I accomplished when I should have been working this week, shall we?
• NFL Preseason Football. New England Patriots at Washington Redskins. If this doesn’t scream “It’s Friday Night! Party!”, I have no idea what does. [CBS, 8:00 ET]
• High School Football. Aplington-Parkersburg (Iowa) vs. Dike-New Hartford (Iowa). ESPN is airing this to honor the death of slain high school football coach Ed Thomas, who coached Aplington-Parkersburg before he was tragically murdered. I’m just kidding – they are broadcasting the game to exploit his death, of course. [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• Boxing. Friday Night Fights. Randall Bailey vs. Juan Urango from Hollywood, Florida. When all else fails, watching two guys pound the shit out of each other always does the trick. [ESPN2, 10:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Pretty kick ass movie, but like ESPN, I have the sneaking suspicion that Bravo is airing this to exploit the death of Edward Furlong. Huh? Nah. [Bravo, 7:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (August 28th)
Posted by:• The Notorious MOB discusses what he believes to be an underrated sports movie: Rocky Balboa. [The Phoenix Pub]
• Hex brings us another entertaining edition of “What Are You Thinking?” [Melt Your Face Off]
• More on Jerry Jones and his gosh-darned video boards. Did I just call Jerry Jones a moron? I think I did. [Bootlegger Sports]
• Professional golfer Ian Poultier’s website is just like him. Fancy. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Monchichi Rodriguez brings us his Seattle Seahawks preview. [Style Points]
Sue Paterno Is More Than Just A Pretty Face
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It is often said that behind every good man is a good woman. While I disagree with that theory most of the time, in this case, it fits. Married to Coach Paterno for 47 years, Sue Paterno is not just some meek woman content to hide in her husband’s larger-than-life shadow.
She has served as a tutor to players, a host for recruiting gatherings, a counselor to concerned parents – and as a prodigious fundraiser, though for more than athletics.
“What I know about football,” she said, repeating a question during a recent interview with The Associated Press at the family home, waving her hand over her head. “I know offsides in football, and I think I know pass interference.”
Her lack of football knowledge notwithstanding, JoePa doesn’t know what he would have done without her.
“I think people don’t realize how much she’s done for this place,” the 82-year-old Paterno said in a separate interview at his office. “I’ve said many times that they won’t have any problems replacing me, but if they can find a coach’s wife like Sue, they’ll hit the jackpot.”
Here’s to another 47 wonderful years for the happy couple. However, I read the entire article and they left out one interesting tidbit about Mrs. Paterno:
Best blowjob in University Park. If she isn’t at your frat party, you might as well close up shop. Most people say the key behind her extraordinary and legendary talents is the softness of her gums.
I think I need to take a shower after that joke. Sheesh.
Sue Paterno more than coach’s wife at Penn State [Sporting News/AP]
