Archive for July, 2009
Ahh, the Beer Cart Girl. One of the most revered and admired employees of a golf course. It is true there is not a more welcome sight out on the course than seeing that cart appear on the horizon, as the lovely young lady behind the wheel clumsily and erratically navigates her way through the rough, tearing across tee boxes and nearly rolling into bunkers – especially when the eight beers you smuggled onto the course in your golf bag are cashed before the 4th hole.
And leave it to the Great State of Wisconsin to pay homage to these under-appreciated and comely lasses who take care of us parched golfers so well with their Miss Beer Cart Pageant & Golf Tournament. Here’s the lowdown on the pageant:
The Miss Beer Cart Pageant is a competition designed to find the Best Beer Cart Driver in the State of Wisconsin. Drivers are nominated to compete in the competition. Once entered, drivers compete against one another in different events that involve speed and neatness on the beer cart, driving tests that include speed, agility and accuracy and also a question and answer session with our selected judges. Before the event begins, a long drive competition is held between the beer cart drivers. This is done on an amphitheater like setting on the first tee. Once the event begins, each driver gets her turn on the beverage cart. Votes are tallied during dinner based upon pre-round competitions, long drive challenge and service during the event. The day’s work is capped with the presentation of Miss Beer Cart Wisconsin.
• MLB Roundup. The Phillies scored 10 runs in the first inning, a franchise record, and went on to destroy the Reds 22-1. Said Reds manager Dusty Baker, “We got slaughtered, as they used to say.” Used to? We don’t say that anymore? Jarrod Washburn threw a one-hit shutout, leading Seattle to a 5-0 victory over Baltimore. Brett Anderson outpitched John Smoltz, throwing a two-hit shutout as Oakland blanked Boston 6-0. Pablo Sandoval hit his first career grand slam in San Francisco’s 5-4 win over Florida. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Tennis. Roger Federer is back at No. 1 in the ATP rankings for the first time since losing to Rafael Nadal in the finals at Wimbledon last year, which halted Federer’s streak of 237 consecutive days at number one. [Yahoo!]
• Tour de France. Mark Cavendish won the stage but the news was that Lance Armstrong moved up to third place overall after the third stage, which featured blustery winds that frustrated most of the riders. Armstrong is now 40 seconds behind race leader Fabian Cancellara of Switzerland. [The Associated Press]
• “Oh, this is the biggest one I ever had. You hear that Elizabeth? I’m coming to join you honey!!” Yeah, maybe two people will get that reference, but that just means the rest of you are all a bunch of big dummies. The father and son duo of John W. Mallgren and John R. Mallgren, respectively, are facing nearly $20,000 in fees after New York authorities removed 10 garbage truck worth of garbage, 42 tons (85,000 pounds) in all, from their single-family residence in Brookhaven Town, New York. Aside from the fees, the Mallgrens will have to pay $8,742 just for the remvoal of the garbage. No word on whether Shirley Manson was found at the scene. Seriously, what happened to her? [Yahoo!/AP]
Tiger Woods has agreed to appear at the Turning Stone Casino and Resort to appear in close friend (and former college roommate) Notah Begay III’s charity skins game in August.
Notah Begay III, Woods’ college roommate at Stanford and the only full-blooded Native American on the PGA Tour, says that Woods, Mike Weir, and Camilo Villegas would compete Aug. 24 at the resort’s Atunyote (uh-DUNE’-yote) Golf Club course, which also hosts the Turning Stone Resort Championship on the tour.
The purse for the tournament is $500K and proceeds benefit the Notah Begay III Foundation, “which seeks to reduce diabetes and obesity among Native American youth.”
Unfortunately, due to security concrerns, only 3,000 tickets will be made available, more than likely leading to a lot of reactions like this:
• Major League Baseball. Atlanta Braves at Chicago Cubs. Seeing this matchup causes me to look back fondly on the days the Braves games were on TBS and the Cubs games were always on WGN. Yes, I’m old, wanna fight about it? [ESPN, 7:00ET]
• Something to watch that will make you hate the fact you had ramen for dinnner. Good Eats. Tonight’s episode features culinary know-it-all Alton Brown discussing the steps necessary in making a delicious steak. Be prepared to be informed – and made incredibly hungry. [Food Network, 8:30 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. The Amityville Horror. I read this book the summer in between 5th and 6th grade and I’ll be honest: it scared the ever-loving shit out of me. Yet reading it didn’t help alleviate my terror when I watched the movie for the first time shortly after finishing the book. Seeing Jodie the Demonic Pig’s eyes dart back in forth through the bedroom window still gives me the heebie-jeebies. Surprisingly, the movie holds up remarkably well, despite the fact we all know now that Margot Kidder is an absolute nut job and James Brolin’s acting ability pales in comparison to his son’s. [AMC, 8:00 ET]
• The old standby. Family Guy reruns. Four episodes in a row, followed by a couple episodes of My Name Is Earl. I never was a huge fan of the Earl, but I have watched a few episodes recently and I have to say it’s better than Two and Half Men. But I guess given the choice between watching Two and Half Men and botched vasectomy surgeries, I would reluctantly choose the latter. [TBS, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute (July 6th)
Posted by:
• Xmas Ape takes an in-depth look at Kurt Warner’s home life. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The FBI has recently released a file which documents one deranged man’s unsuccessful quest to blow up the Delta Center during the 1997 NBA Finals. [Sports Rubbish]
• Allen Iverson hangs out at T.G.I.Fridays? WTF? [The700Level]
• Business_Socks has the exclusive press release from Rasheed Wallace announcing his signing with the Celtics. [Style Points]
• First Derviative and I must have been on the same wavelength earlier today, at least as far as Nazi lover Bernie Ecclestone is concerned. [The Phoenix Pub]
Bernie Ecclestone, billionaire/Formula One President and CEO/closet Holocaust denier has gone on record as saying his comments relating to Hitler and the shitstorm of negative publicity and outrage worldwide are simply the result of a “misunderstanding.”
Misunderstandings and Hitler? Someone get Marge Schott. No, go ahead, dig her up. No one is going to care.
For those of you unaware of the controversy, either because you don’t follow Formula One or could give a rat’s ass what the opinion is from someone who walks into a hair salon and says, “Give me the Andy Warhol”, here’s what Ecclestone said that got him into such hot water:
ABC And TNT, You Ignorant Bastards
Posted by:
In one of the dumbest moves in the history of humankind, ABC and TNT have elected not to broadcast the upcoming British Open in high definition, opting instead to stick with shitty standard definition coverage of the tournament which begins July 16th at the Turnberry links course in Scotland. From an article on HDSportsGuide.com via Fanhouse:
After good news about the Tour de France and Wimbeldon being in HD, one of our favourite sporting events will once again be given as an SD up-conversion. The British Open Golf Tournament, scheduled to begin Thursday the 16th will not be in High Definition on TNT or ABC. . . again.
Last year we had high hopes that ABC/TNT would upgrade for this year. But after emailing our contacts at ABC and TNT both stations have confirmed that it will be an SD up-conversion. The golf coverage may still be good but it is disappointing to see that no steps were taken to get the British Open in HD this year.
• Joey Chestnut wins Nathan’s Hot Dog-eating contest on Coney Island for the third straight year. /shits pants [With Leather]
• A look back at the archives of Peter King columns. The consistency this guy brings to retardery is truly amazing. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Keith Olbermann thinks America is disgusting. Tell me something I don’t know. [The Sporting Blog]
• A look at some of the standout rookie performances from the first half of the MLB season. [More Hardball]
•Business_Socks does his part to flesh out the backstories of bland athletes with his “Blank Slate” feature. Today: Albert Pujols. [Style Points]
Rusty Hardin, the attorney for Roger Clemens, is now claiming that the pitcher was not one of the 100 players who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003.
Rusty Hardin told the New York Times that Clemens obtained the results from the drug-testing company and provided them to Congress before his 2008 testimony by waiving his right to keep them private.
Players were anonymously tested in 2003 with no penalties. Hardin said he was revealing the results now because other players recently have been linked to the list.
Well, as long as Rusty Hardin says so, I guess we can put this baby to bed, right? Since Clemens allegedly didn’t get caught using steroids in 2003 must mean he never used steroids period. At least that’s what Mr. Hardin would like you to be led to believe.
And why wouldn’t you believe him? Look at the guy. He has that trustworthy appearance about him that you can’t quite put your finger on why you believe it to be so but you are certain must be the case. To me, he resembles a cross between Regis Phiblin and Liberace and if I were forced to choose, those are two people I would have always allowed to have my back.
Well, maybe not Liberace. First of all, he’s been dead for years so what good would it do to allow him to have my back? Second, I just don’t go that way – especially when it comes to a flaming homosexual zombie whose sole desire is to eat my brain. I’m sorry, but that has trouble written all over it.
Lawyer: Roger Clemens didn’t test positive in 2003 [USA Today/AP]
“Have you ever wondered, like, what happens to your body after an MRI? And why do they call those things joints if you can’t smoke them? Far out, man. And does anybody have any Funyuns? I’m starvin’, dude.”
/weaksauce (hey I’m fried after the long holiday weekend, what’s your excuse?)
Stoner to undergo medical tests [BBC]
Tiger Woods held off the hard-charging Hunter Mahan on Sunday to win the AT&T National and secure his 68th Tour victory by shooting a 13-under 267 for the tournament. As the host of the tournament, Tiger had the unique opportunity of presenting the trophy to himself. The care-free and loose jokester that he is, Tiger seized the opportunity to display his relatively unknown comedic chops and decided to have some fun with the situation as he interviewed himself.
As the tournament host, Woods then got to present the Capitol dome replica trophy to himself and interview himself on the 18th green — “So Tiger, how did you play today?” he said as thousands of fans laughed — and complete an unusual trifecta of winning all three PGA Tour player-hosted events in the same year, having taken the Arnold Palmer Invitational in March and Jack Nicklaus’ Memorial last month.
Ha! That Tiger. I must say, however, that it must be nice to do such offbeat things and have it be laughed off. Whenever I decide to interview myself in the shower at the gym, all I get is cold stares and hostile attitudes. But to be honest, that’s mostly due to jealousy on the part of those around me. Hey, if you’re large and in charge, why be afraid to let the world see it? Just don’t do it on the bus – apparently, most users of mass transit don’t appreciate the exquisite beauty of the human form. Close-minded ignoramuses, I say.
** video courtesy of Ryan Ballengee and his fantastic site, Waggle Room **
Host has most: Woods wins own event for 1st time [The Associated Press]
• Wimbledon. Roger Federer won his 15th Grand Slam title, breaking Pete Sampras’ record, by beating Andy Roddick in an epic 5-set, four hour and eighteen minute match, 5-7, 7-6 (8-6), 7-6 (7-5), 3-6, 16-14. It was the longest set in Wimbledon history. [The Official Site of Wimbledon]
• PGA Tour. Tiger Woods secured his 68th career victory by winning his own tournament, the AT&T National at Congressional. Tiger held off Hunter Mahan, who hit a course record-tying 62 in his final round, as Woods shot a 3-under 67 for a one-shot victory. [PGATour.com]
• MLB Roundup. Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley each hit a home run off of starter Johan Santana as the Phillies beat the Mets 2-0 to complete the sweep. Boston scored five runs with two outs in the seventh inning, rallying to beat Seattle 8-4 to avoid a series sweep. James Loney hit a lead-off homer in the 13th inning, giving the Dodgers a 7-6 win over San Diego. [MLB.com]
• You know what it’s like when you get into a cab and the cabbie looks at you with that smell? It ain’t pleasant, that’s for sure. Not having any mace handy, an unnamed cab driver in Chicago used a can of aerosol deodorant. After the passenger put a knife to his throat demanding money, the cab driver sprayed the robber with the deodorant, causing the assailant to drop his knife. Good job, anonymous stinky cabbie. [MSNBC]
I have some bad news for the thousands hundreds tens the couple of people who visit the Sportress of Blogitude on a daily basis: due to the holiday weekend, the Sportress will be shut down tomorrow and will reopen on Monday morning. I know, I know, that means there was only three days of content this week – what a letdown, huh? I feel bad about it, too. Imagine how horrible I would feel if I actually got paid to do this.
Anyhoo, let’s recap what was covered during this short week on S.O.B.
• Major League Baseball. Milwaukee Brewers at Chicago Cubs. The city of Milwaukee is only a couple of an hour drive from Chicago, so I imagine quite a few Brewers fans will show up. Tune in and see if you can figure out which fanbase is more intoxicated. [MLB Network, 8:00 ET]
•Tennis. The Complete Wimbledon. Watch highlights from today’s action. It’s not like you know what happened today – you have been hard at work and not pissing away time on the internets, right? [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
•It’s like a comedy sandwich! Two episodes of the 30 Rock are the slices of bread and two episodes of The Office make the meat. Lather on any condiments you like, but close the windows, for your neighbor’s sake. [NBC, 8:00 ET]
• I doubt this movie is a documentary about how to go about ordering one correctly. Mail Order Bride. I imagine this is absolutely nothing like what happens to a guy after he registers for an account on a “Brides of the Far East” website. Far less stabbings, heartbreak and issues with the INS, I reckon. [The Hallmark Channel, 9:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (July 2nd)
Posted by:
• This is so bad it’s hilarious. According to a new book, everybody hates Kurt Warner, even his kids. [With Leather]
• Another hero from my childhood lets me down: Rowdy Roddy Piper arrested for DUI. [Total Pro Sports]
• Be sure to take Shakey’s poll about what Yao Ming’s next career should be. [Style Points]
• Have some Photoshop Phun with the Phillies. [More Hardball]
• First Derivative does a teriffic job of breaking down why the Marian Hossa signing may have not been the best move for the Blackhawks, other than the fact he is Stanley Cup repellant. [The Phoenix Pub]
• Finally, for all other NHL free agency analysis, insight and expertise, head on over to Puck Daddy. They’ll take good care of you. [Puck Daddy]
