Last Call With The Drunk Chick Who Thinks It’s Hilarious Every Time She Pisses Her Pants
By
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking – it looks like she didn’t piss her pants at all – instead, it appears her beer overflowed and it has created the impression that she pissed in her pants.
See, that is where you’re wrong. In actuality, a common practice of the female habitual pants pisser is causing her beer to foam up due to her drunken histrionics due to how hilarious she thinks it is that she soaked herself.
With that said, I give you the Drunk Chick Who Thinks It’s Hilarious Every Time She Pisses Her Pants.”
“Oh my God! I can’t believe I just pissed my pants! Isn’t that hilarious! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! I’m so drunk…and sad! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
Okay, thanks, Drunk Chick Who Thinks It’s Hilarious Every Time She Pisses Her Pants. That’s enough out of you. Why don’t you go and find some corner to pass out in? I can take it from here.
Blogetizers
- Does “The Beckham Experiment” Prove Wahl’s Thesis? [Avoiding the Drop]
- Oh, the sports you can follow! [The Phoenix Pub]
- ESPN and Blurring Lines: This Time, the Blue One [The Rookies]
- You Better Watch Yourself While Matt Schaub Is Playing Golf [Second String Fullback]
The Entree
- Family Guy: “Plywood Cutout Folk Art”
Sorbet
- Zooey Deschanel
Alright, kiddos. Have at it and enjoy yourselves.
Drunk chick who pisses her pants still gets laid by “fuck anything that moves dude”.
@Sex Fabregas, I’m wondering how you know this.
@Sculptor?!?, Heard about it on the internet, of course.
@Sex Fabregas, Why are my ears burning?
@Fuck Anything that Moves Dude, You’re not supposed to admit that, so you know…
@Fuck Anything that Moves Dude, Better your ears than something else, given your, ahem, habits.
@Weed Against Speed, Let’s hope the doctor doesn’t have to pull out the hammer and long Q-tip.
Hello everyone,
I’m currently trying to annoy my sister…. which is worse-Ace of Base or Nelly?
@MarissaExplainsItAll, I’ll let you know as soon as I see the sign that opens up my eyes.
I saw the sign.
@Weed Against Speed, So Ace of Base is more annoying? Because right now I’m playing Coolio…back when he was good
@MarissaExplainsItAll, Nelly. But by only the barest of fractions.
@MarissaExplainsItAll, Ace of Bass, hands down. The Sign is an rare song in that a listener need only hear 3 seconds of the beat, and the song is stuck in his (or her) head for hours.
@MarissaExplainsItAll, Anything but “Shake ye tailfeather” from the Nelly canon should do the trick. SYT is just awesome, though. So don’t play that.
Here’s a tip: don’t drop a 3 pound book on your toe.
@Sculptor?!?, Which 3 pound book did you happen to drop?
@Sculptor?!?, actually, a reference book on disney animation characters and technique
Is there any chance we could order up a “Miracle on Ice” scenario to shake off this incredible run of bad mojo that’s been flying around? It’s beginning to depress the shite out of me.
@twoyellows, aww, i sorry hunny. the story about the german was rather funny though.
@Sculptor?!?, Did you get my email?
@twoyellows, just came through, love.
@twoyellows, Did you just want an opinion, or a full edit?
@Sculptor?!?, Either. Whatever you think, and be brutal. I’m torn on it even being post-worthy.
@twoyellows, okay, just finished a response. check yer mail.
@Sculptor?!?, Yep, got it. Cheers.
@twoyellows, You know what you should do? DANCE…that’s what I do when I’m in a bad mood…I’m kinda swaying as I type this.
@twoyellows, When I am feeling shitty. I go to where ever you people are. Reading the shit that goes on here never fails to make me laugh. Also I read whatever the Ron Artest has written.
@twoyellows, Maybe I’m a terrible person but I always cheer myself by watching “Ginger Kid Faceplant.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjH-nj68-R0
Hey guys, in about two hours, that whole call in thing I promised last night… Well, Sculptor put up the number over at TPP, but…
Phone Number: (724) 444-7444
Call ID: 58079
Show starts at 8:30 EST, and I apologize for not getting to do this last night, but we had fun with the programs, sadly.
@James Brown, That should be 9:30 EDT… Brain is trapped in CDT. So, yes, 9:30 EDT. Everything else is good, though.
Evening all. Ginger Kid Faceplant made my night. Thank you. And how do I hear this program of yours James Brown?
@mekalek, It will be on the phoenix pub later…
@MarissaExplainsItAll,Thanks Marissa.
@mekalek, And you can also go… http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=58079&cmd=tc
I have never peed my pants from a drunkening, but I have lost control of my bowels.
/first nite here
//oversharing
///am I drunk, already?
@Drunk with Lust, Wow. Welcome. I believe you will fit right in.
@Drunk with Lust, Oh, that’s cute, he thinks that is oversharing.
Welcome
@MarissaExplainsItAll, I think poop is pretty high on that list. Granted, it’s not the two females fond of feces, served from a goblet, but a little much.
Plus, grown people should not shit themselves, in a literal sense.
@Drunk with Lust, but that’s what makes it funny!
@Drunk with Lust, finally screwed up the nerve to come to Last Call? I’ve noticed you poking your face in at the Pub during the day. Welcome to the asylum1
@Sculptor?!?, One of my many tubal-series guises, yes. You might know me better as…
I have a musical question for all ya’ll. I know that from time to time ska gets brought up in here so I figured there might be a few punkers out there as well. Has anybody here listened to Tim Barry’s (The singer from Avail) solo stuff? I downloaded an album by him today and it is fantastic yet depressing as hell. Just thought I would share that with everyone/
@FatNakedMoleRat, I have never willingly heard Avail. Nor the singer’s solo work. I am assuming the latter is something in the vein of Damien Jurado/Pedro the Lion, though? I might dig.
@Drunk with Lust, You assume incorrectly. It’s actually has a large bluegrass element added to the regular old acoustic folk/rock. Other than the voice it sounds nothing like Avail (who are pretty much standard punk rock).
@FatNakedMoleRat, Been jamming on some Roy Acuff in my auto, of late, so I should still like.
Ol’ Roy also reminds me of my fifth graders, ’02-3 school year… Who are 18 (!) now.
Fuck, I’m (getting) old.
@FatNakedMoleRat, Too bad Fuse isn’t here. He could probably discuss this with far more knowledge than I (my foray into punk was in the late 80s)
@Sculptor?!?, Ah. That’s when mine began, but it kept on going because I refuse to grow up.
@FatNakedMoleRat, Yeah, i diverged into more suicidal stuff (depeche mode, the smiths, peter murphy…) or more industrial stuff (skinny puppy, severed heads..)
@FatNakedMoleRat, I have his first solo album, Rivanah Junction, and love it. I haven’t gotten around to buying his newer album. If you like Tim Barry, check out Chuck Ragan (Hot Water Music Singer) if you haven’t already. Also, if you like gruff-sounding punk with some country thrown in, do yourself a favor and download some Two Cow Garage. I’ve been listening to their album Speaking in Cursive non-stop since I discovered it about two months ago.
For those who don’t know, working in customer service sucks. and for the most part people are assholes.
@dave, But just be glad you don’t work the complaint line for whatever hotel chain it were where ESPN put up EA, only to see her filmed. You’d have problems, then.
@dave, I’m pretty sure that is a giant understatement.
@dave, yep. which is why i think everyone should be required to work one year in the service industry – perferably at a grocery store deli or bakery, retail clothing sales, or phone customer service.
Once you learn how nasty people are, you make a concerted effort to be nothing like that.
@Sculptor?!?,really all working in customer service has done for me is, teach me that my parents where wrong,bitching and complaining actually gets you everything.
@dave, It doesn’t change once you get out of customer service. I end most days feeling like I need to either drink a bottle of whiskey or stab someone from my office. Fortunately, there’s a really cute brunette assistant that looks like she could use a good stabbing, ifyaknowwhatimean…
Hey Everybody!
So, I know everybody here and their brother has their own blog…but if anybody needs some creative outlet in the coming days, we at Style Points are soliciting posts. We’ve been unable to produce lately at our normal rate (due to various issues) so we’d be glad to take some posts from our fine friends around the interwebs (assuming you’re incredibly insightful, painfully hysterical, or both). Anyways you know who to contact if you have an idea.
Also, to those of you who signed up for our NFL Team previews, we’d like to start running those in August (not very far away) so please keep them in mind.
@ClintonPortishead, Give me a due date for the NFL team preview…I work better w/ schedules.
@ClintonPortishead, any limitations or preferred direction?
@gally82, Yeah, try not to get them sued too badly. Business_Socks will be out of a gimmick if you do…
@James Brown, well I’ll be sure to leave sueable ideas to a minimum, or get my site sued instead
@ClintonPortishead, A little guidance would be nice. I need to know where I should focus my hatchet job I’ll be performing on the Bears.
@ClintonPortishead, Does 6700 words on why Temple football sucks work? Or how about 700?
Just read the “Article of the Week” for this week’s pub-quiz: Neil A. Armstrong. (But, Alden!? Really?) Now have a perfect name for my (solo) team. Space-docking.
Enjoy that mental image.
black
Then
White are
All I see
In my infancy
Red and yellow then came to be
Reaching out to me
Let’s me see
@First-national-dank,
as below, so above and beyond, I imagine
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
Push the envelope. Watch it bend.
Argh. I don’t think I’ve ever been this worked up about how badly the Red Sox are doing when they were in first place before, but doesn’t it seem like that team is completely underachieving and crappy? How in the world have they won any games in the last month? Is anyone on that team hitting over .250 in July? It’s free preview week for the MLB package so I actually get to watch the game and I don’t think I could handle watching this crap all season long.
@FatNakedMoleRat, They haven’t been this bad all season, just since the ASB. Cleveland still sucks though, both before and after. So I’m not a jinx.
@Sculptor?!?, I’m sure I would feel same way if the Indians weren’t terrible for the entire fucking season.
Alright, kids. We’re going on 30 minutes, and then you get to verbally abuse everyone in sports not named Ben Roethlisghaokfjdsafburger.
I believe a civil suit is doing just fine on Ben.
Good evening, meat puppets. Does anyone know the home address of the ump from the Twins/A’s game last night and where I can get 17 tons of pig intestines?
I just love this one. Especially the editing/slo-mo replay:
I just realized these posts are on motherfucking central time. Does that mean we all have to be more polite and deferential? Also, do the chicks now have bigger cans?
@ClintonPortishead, Much bigger, Cornfed cans
@mekalek, In my area, it’s cottage-cheese ass.
America’s Dairyland, pendejos!
@ClintonPortishead, Naw, you don’t need to be polite. We’ll take care of that for you.
@ClintonPortishead, for their sake, i hope not. and mine better not get any bigger, or i’ll fall over.
@ClintonPortishead, Nah, you don’t have to be polite, but you have to bring a hot dish for the potluck.
Speaking of potluck…
Mike Lowell!
gah, what’s with that moustache trim job? bleck.
@Sculptor?!?, I don’t think I want to even know…
@James Brown, it’s pretty awful. the goatee’s fine, no problems there. but he’s got this little line directly above the upper lip (i’d guess about a 1/4 inch), but has shaved the rest of it up to his nose. Sorta like what Errol Flynn wore, except Lowell’s above upper lip area is pretty large. Looks retarded.
@Sculptor?!?, wait, not Errol Flynn. John Waters.
@Sculptor?!?, How dare you, John Waters has an awesome moustache
@MarissaExplainsItAll, as long as he keeps it, sure. no one else should be wearing that style.
@Sculptor?!?, I had nothing with Errol Flynn….but John Waters made me laugh like I haven’t laughed in a while. &1 maam.
@mekalek, hah. yeah, now imagine that, with 5 o’clock shadow, with a goatee, on Mike Lowell.
@Sculptor?!?, I don’t want to imagine that. I personally think Lowell is one of the strangest looking people in baseball.
/not gay
@Sculptor?!?, It reminds me of a girlfriend I had in high school.
/no idea what that means
//haven’t seen the trim job
And now, it’s time to line up, because I’m taking callers now.
The number is 1-724-444-7444, Ext. 50879#
Oh, and let it out nicely. Which means, dick jokes and cursing, oh my!
@James Brown, And having to cancel because the client isn’t working… Oy vey.
@James Brown, Alright now, same number, just call into Extension 57250#
@James Brown, I was wondering what was going on. I was trying to listen in.
@mekalek, The Client was being contrary with me. They’ve had tech issues for most of the day.
So this is mainly for CPH and James Brown. Does anyone know the proper way to do a podcast? I had an interview for an internship today and they told me if i’m offered it then I might be doing this new internship that’s mainly for video and multimedia. I assume their going to tell me how it’s supposed to be done but i just figured it’d try to get some background on it. I know that i could film myself talking then use final cut and get rid of the video component then just convert it to a quicktime file. Any help would be great thanks.
@RonArtestTableLeg: Using some sort of recording software is the easiest way if everyones “in studio” you would need something to get phonecalls over the computer if you wanted to record on the phone. then you can edit it all down.
@Sex Fabregas, Oh nice, so i could basically use final cut pro and just do it the same way i’d do voice-overs.
I think I’m going to take my ancient laptop outside and continue this from there. After all, there’s only like 12 nice days a year in Canada so I might as well enjoy.
@gally82, I was a little ways outside Toronto all last week fishing and drinking. The weather was perfect. Got lucky.
@mekalek, well shit. you got in roughly half the nice weather that we get in a year. Last week here it was only 68F in the middle of the day, and it snowed only 2 months ago.
@gally82, Where are you at?
@mekalek, Edmonton
@gally82, I’ve never made it there. And if it’s 65 F in mid July…I don’t see it happening any time soon!!!
@mekalek, it’s 85 and humid today, but I would recommend a visit here at some point in time.
@gally82, I have heard it is an extremely fun town.
@mekalek, it definitely can be. Where are you and everybody else from?
@gally82, Cleveland
@gally82, I am from the lovely state of Massachusetts. Somewhere between Boston and Providence.
@gally82, Los Angeles
@gally82, South Jersey
@Sculptor?!?, some of those I could guess, but it’s good to know some of you a bit more
@gally82, Orlando… not a ton of southern states around this evening, huh? Your talk of 85 degree days intrigues me- sounds like November here.
@lowercase, it tops out at around 100 here. But when it does, as like the other day, we almost have a tornado
Victor Martinez with 2 RBI to take the lead, and Lee back in to pitch.
@Sculptor?!?, A nice victory. Good to see one of those this year.
@mekalek, yeah. and now i’m back to watching the RedSox bone it. I’m hoping they get their shit together.
@Sculptor?!?, Personally I am hoping for a giant meteor the next time they are playing the Yankees.
@Sculptor?!?, Right now I am glad that I am at work and not watching them piss another one away.
@dave, They aren’t even really being competitive enough tonight to call it “pissing one away”. Ugh.
@FatNakedMoleRat, yeah, what you said. ick.
I’m knee deep in this Yanks/O’s game, but I just wanted to drop in and compliment Weed on bringing the heat with Zooey Deschanel. I had no idea about the bewbage.
@CW, Concur. She and her sister (Emily, from Bones) are easily the most underrated sister act going.
I’m halfway through a month off of drinking. Does this make me a bad blogger/web person?
@gally82: It just makes you a bad person in general.
@Sex Fabregas, Touche. I’m doing it to recharge the liver for a friends wedding if that makes a difference? You’ll be able to read the second part of the article later tonight or tomorrow. It might not be the best edited thing in the world though, I’m not the best self editor.
All right boys and girls, I’m heading out for the night. Have a good one and I’ll catch ya on the flip side.
What’s up people? Been awhile since I’ve hit up a Last Call. How’s everyone doing this evening?
Evening folks. Dropping in as usual to drink a virtual cold one after a long day. Got some bad news for/about good friends, and the news out there generally sucks as noted above and at the Pub’s linkage.
But hey, the Rockies look like they’re gonna make me follow baseball again this fall, so that’s cool, and Wednesdays are always better than Tuesdays, no?
@lowercase, sorry to hear that. be happy you’re not that idiot that stuffed himself in the locker (I’m still laffing at that).
And in my book, any day you wake up alive is a good one. Build from there.
@lowercase: A Rockies fan?!?!
So this is what its like when doves cry
@Sex Fabregas, Yep, lived out there when they expanded into existence. Tough to follow from the east coast when they’re typically out of contention, but I’ll tune in when they’re hanging around.
So the 49ers are the latest team to impose restrictions on tailgating:
http://www.49ers.com/stadium/tailgaiting.html
Hmmm, I never thought this was a problem before. But why now? It’s not like we have some fancy new stadium to go with it.
I would like to know if there are any other fans of campy, b-rated, slasher flicks. I cannot ever turn them off, I love to sit there and watch even though I know exactly what is going to happen. My wife thinks it disturbing that I cheer for people to get hacked up., I think it’s funny.
@dave: My sister and I watch them all the time — in fact, the campier and more b-rated, the better.
@dave, does the evil dead/army of darkness count? if so then fuck and/or yes
@gally82, hell yeah. Ash is the man.
@dave, I prefer my horror films to be either Hitchcock or B movie, nothing in between.
@MarissaExplainsItAll,hitchcock is the master and his stuff is great. But it’s also nice to just get lost in the empty, thoughtless, sex and blood that comes with a b-rated horror movie.
@dave, Definitely! I love that shit. In fact, I love B movies in general for mindless fun.
@DAGOTRON: I’m a little late in replying, but thanks for stopping by, man. Drop in anytime.
Do you know what is the worst? Summer colds. Fuck them.
On that note, I’m off to bed. Take care, everyone. See you on the flip side.
@Weed Against Speed: Great stuff you have here, Weed. I’ll be glad to stop by when I can.
And yes, summer colds are the absolute worst. It’s like your body doesn’t know to feel.
Bacon flavored vodka is pretty horrifying now that I’m drinking it.
@LenBiasCocaineSurplus, lies, all lies
@gally82, OJ and Bakon might be my new breakfast.
@LenBiasCocaineSurplus, when my self imposed hiatus from drinking ends, i think I will have to try that out if I can get it shipped up here.
@LenBiasCocaineSurplus: Is that what it’s called? Bakon?
@DAGOTRON, Yes. It’s really clever naming isn’t it
If procrastination were a marketable skill, I’d be rich
Evening Non-Duan.
I was not successful at BINGO tonight, the old people can live another week.
@PlayoffBeard, why would you let them live if they beat you. Vanquish your enemies
@gally82, I did have the golf umbrella with me. I Could have taken a lot of them out.
Howdy folks. Been gone for a week. Anything newsworthy happen? What’s that? Erin Andrews got nekkid? And all I have is my phone-ternet? Sigh.
Evenin’ assgaskets.
I read earlier how some folks think there should be required retail work for some kiddies. Agreed – if only they can wait tables and learn what it’s like to put up w/BS all night and not have much to show for it.
Anyway big man Jenks blew the save (boo). But otherwise today was a great day. Especially at the restaurant. Wanna guess why??
/no sadly i didn’t burn it down, sorry
@Chicago Sometimes, big tip? got left a number?
@Chicago Sometimes, it was senior day and the restaurant was empty by 5pm?
@Rob in WI,
@Chicago Sometimes, the staff got to eat the food that was destined for the garbage
@gally82, ooooh that was also a fun time.
@Rob in WI, Salmonella FTW!
All good guesses (I wish some of that stuff would happen for a change).
I was off today! Truly the greatest blessing of all.
/wipes tear
@Chicago Sometimes, I feel your pain. It takes me two or three Guiness’ to go into the restaurant that currently pays my bills.
@Chicago Sometimes, well, just remember that when the rent check is short. I don’t miss that aspect of tip related jobs.
I love it that my local station replays The Jim Rome Show on delay in the evenings now, instead of at it’s proper time when I’m at work. Great interview with the “Beckham Experiment” author, and some classic takes from Rome afterwards.
Gally82, in that last storm, were the clouds green? When the 1987 big one hit the trailer park (yes, that even happens in Edmonton), the clouds were green.
@jayhawkmarley, I didn’t see green, a shit load of red though. 60mph winds, hail, sheeting rain. Tractor trailers were blowing over and there’s still fallen trees all over the place 3 days later
Time to go. Drink your Bakon vodka and pass out.