Archive for July, 2009
Good day, everyone. Those of you who regularly read this site may have noticed that I mentioned last Friday it would be a light week here on the Sportress, as I will be going out of town tonight as well as on Thursday night for a long weekend (I have to use up these vacation days or lose them). I originally intended to post today and Thursday but with missing so much time at my job this week there was virtually no chance I could take care of my responsibilities at work as well as post here on SOB. You need a job in order to slack from it, so I unfortunately have to hunker down get some shit done today and Thursday.
Long story short – I might post something here and there if I’m able to, but for all intents and purposes, the Sportress will be shut down until next Tuesday morning.
Have a great week, everyone, and thanks for all of your support. Of course, you will find excellent content at all of the sites listed over on the Weedroll, so please peruse and enjoy. Just don’t forget me when I’m gone.
Man, that song is Liberace-rollerblading gay. I guess that’s Canadian rock for you. I’m looking at you, Nickelback.
Take care. See you in a week.
And no, it had absolutely nothing to do with two greased-up ham hocks and a prostate massager, although that is quite common for Whitlock as well.
Now, while you let that mental image soak in and rot your brain, contemplate this quote from Jeff George from IlliniHQ.com (via Fanhouse):
“I feel like I can still play, and if there’s someone out there to give me a shot, that would be wonderful,” George said last week on his way back home to Indianapolis from one of his frequent trips to Champaign, where he tutors Atkins and a couple of other young area quarterbacks. …
“You look throughout the league, you see 20 teams that need quarterbacks – 20 teams need starters – and probably everybody needs a backup,” George said. “In my opinion, there’s just not a lot of quality quarterbacks out there these days.”
Ain’t that the truth, Jeff. But just because there’s not a lot of quality quarterbacks out there doesn’t mean you are one.
Just a thought. You know what, if Brett Favre ends up not playing with the Vikings (fat chance), Jeff and Brett should get an apartment together or something. Maybe start a business or a traveling comedy show. Something.
Jeff George open to NFL return [IlliniHQ]
Jeff George Still Wants to Play in NFL [Fanhouse]
• MLB Baseball. Los Angeles Dodgers at St. Louis Cardinals. An epic matchup between two legendary managers: Tommy Lasorda and Whitey Herzog. This is 1985, right? [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• A sign you might need counseling. 2008 World Series of Poker. Seriously, if you’re planning on watching this, get help. [ESPN2, 9:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Double Feature of the Night. Underworld: Evolution at 8:00 ET, V for Vendetta at 10:30. Not too shabby. [FX]
• This will be interesting. Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. Tonight’s episode: “Rust Belt” – “Tony travels to America’s Rust Belt during the bleak mid-winter, with stops in Baltimore, Detroit and Buffalo.” No way he’s going to be in a good mood for this one. Definite must-watch. [Travel Channel, 10:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (July 27th)
Posted by:
• Michael Vick has been reinstated by the NFL, sort of. [With Leather]
• When the title of a post is “Peter King Pays A Visit To The Pee Pee Doctor,” it’s a must read. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Royals are trying to turn shitty-hitting Tony Pena, Jr. into a pitcher. Makes sense. [The Rookies]
• Sweet Jesus. Apparently, members of Nickelback played hockey with the Islanders. If that organization wasn’t already in complete shambles, it is now. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Be sure to check out the Hockey Jersey Generator. [Puck Daddy]
• Stephon Marbury Valentine’s Day cards? Get me a box of those bastards! [Ball Don't Lie]
Rick Fox was apprehended by Imperial Stormtroopers at Comic-Con last Thursday which he was attending with new girlfriend/fanboy-nerd-masturbatory-altar-girl Eliza Dushku. The Stormtroopers were reportedly scared off by Fox’s Chewbacca imitation, which I guess isn’t so much an imitation as it is his normal speaking voice.
Clearly, Fox was having a good time at Comic-Con, and why wouldn’t he? The guy is living the high life, dating Eliza Dushku and undoubtedly making a nice living doing absolutely nothing except living off the millions of dollars he made in the NBA.
But one question: why is this guy always sweating so much? As I pointed out in a previous post, the guy sweats like a whore in church. Maybe shaving off all of his Wookie fur was a bad idea after all.
Rick Fox arrested by Imperial Stormtroopers [Ball Don't Lie]
• Ron Artest rapping in China. Yep. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• The Frat Guy recaps the weekend. I’m beginning to like this dude. [Style Points]
• A Phillies fan got killed in a brawl over the weekend. [With Leather]
• Shaun Phillips tweets about the Erin Andrews video: EPIC FAIL. [The Rookies]
• But what if I still really want to break Colt McCoy’s leg? [Bootlegger Sports]
• Texas Rangers pitcher Vicente Padilla has the Swine Flu. Wha? [More Hardball]
Although you would think he would have more pressing issues to occupy his time, Brett Favre has teamed up with Sears and will be appearing in a commercial that will begin airing in September that will poke fun at Brett Favre’s inability to make a goddamn decision about anything. In the commercial, Brett is hemming and hawing about purchasing a high definition television. From prnewswire:
The TV spot, scheduled to air in early September, launches the Sears Blue Electronics Crew campaign, which includes print, events marketing, social media and public relations. The TV commercial features Favre agonizing over selecting a new LED television. The scene unfolds through a discussion between Favre and a member of the Sears Blue Electronics Crew (actor Brad Morris from “The Second City” comedy club in Chicago). The two banter as Favre is undecided on his decision about a Samsung LED TV. In one scene, Morris describes Sears “real time price checks – no regrets”(SM) – as a way to help guys who have a tough time making decisions. “You know the type, right?” Morris says. “Yeah, I hate those guys,” Favre quips.
If there’s one NFL player you want speaking out in support of you, it’s Terrell Owens. The guy brings instant credibility to anything he gets involved in: just ask the producers of The Superstars.
Well, T.O. thinks it’s high time for Michael Vick to be allowed back in the National Football League and he went about spreading the word like any sensible person does these days: he Tweeted about it.
Who’s w/me on the Vick situation? All n favor, lemme get a tweet 2 support Mike Vick! He did the time 4 the crime! Let the guy play!!
This video has obviously been making its way around the tubes over the weekend and this morning, but it is so impressive it’s worthy of a second look.
Leif Olson’s hole-in-one on the par 3 15th at the RBC Canadian Open on Saturday is unlike any shot you will likely ever see again. Olson’s shot flew over the pin, backed up and caromed off his playing partner’s ball into the hole.
Olson, a fringe Tour player, won a BMW Z4 Roadster for pulling off the amazing shot. I just wonder if he had time to pull the horseshoe out of his ass before he took a seat in it.
Bank shot! The most amazing hole-in-one you’ll ever see [Devil Ball Golf]
• MLB Roundup. Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Jimmy Rollins and Raul Ibanez all hit two-run homers in Philadelphia’s 9-2 win over St. Louis. Grady Sizemore hit a leadoff homer, Jhonny Peralta hit a grand slam and Travis Hafner and Ben Fracisco hit back-to-back homers as Cleveland demolished Seattle 12-3 to complete the weekend sweep. Austin Kearns delivered the game-winning single in the 10th inning for the Nationals, who beat the Padres 3-2. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Tour de France. Alberto Contador won the 2,141 mile race. Andy Schleck came in second at 4 minutes, 11 seconds behind Contador, while Lance Armstrong was on the podium in third place, 5 minutes, 24 seconds back. [Yahoo!]
• Soccer. Mexico destroyed an inexperienced U.S. squad 5-0 for its fifth CONCA-CAF soccer regional championship at Giants Stadium. It was the worst American home loss since losing 5-0 to England in 1985. [New York Daily News]
• I wonder if a bunch of gold rings went flying after the pepper spray was used. Police in Boonton, New Jersey needed to use pepper spray to subdue a hostile hedgehog after it chased resident Alex Scott into his garage in an all-out attack. Unfortunately the hedgehog was euthanized. I assume Tails feels partially responsible for this tragedy – he was always egging Sonic on to do irresponsible things. [Yahoo!/AP]
And Isn’t It Ironic? Don’t You Think?
Posted by:
A little too ironic. Yeah I really do think.
Wait. By posting a screenshot from a blog and posting it on the very same blog, is it possible that I opened up some sort of metaphysical internet wormhole that caused the Sportress to become the most popular site in the blogosphere?
We can only hope.
Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like one of those marijuana booklets. Should I clean it and load it into my dugout or just avoid the hassle and simply twist it up and smoke it?
Decisions, decisions.
Man, it sure was a grueling week here on the Sportress. In fact, I think it was the first full week my slacking ass has posted all five days in a few weeks. Imagine if I got paid for this! But don’t feel too bad for me, I’ll only be working three days next week and four days the following week. Unfortunately, I must leave. Why, I cannot say. Where I am going, you cannot know. How I will get there — I haven’t decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name… Sportress.
Alright, enough of that goofy talk. Let’s get to the highlights from the week.
• Soccer. World Football Challenge: AC Milan vs. Chelsea. The entire AC Milan team is taking on one broad named Chelsea? I gotta start watching more soccer! [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
• Classic MLB. Game 6 of the 1986 World Series: Boston Red Sox at New York Mets. For some reason, I think something strange happened in this game. [ESPN Classic, 10:00 ET]
• A good show if you have the munchies. Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. On second thought, it might not be the greatest show to watch if you have the munchies and have nothing to eat in the house. Ah, it’s still a good show. Still a good show, though. [The Food Network, 9:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Newman. Redford. If you haven’t seen it, watch it or I’ll send someone to your home to castrate you. Wow, that was a bit harsh, wasn’t it? [AMC, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (July 24th)
Posted by:• Japanese baseball robots and you. [Deadspin]
• LeNoceur Hextall454 (sorry dude!) takes blog SportsCentral to task. [Melt Your Face Off]
• samerochocinco has the upcoming season’s Arizona Cardinals. [Second String Fullback]
• PoorlyAcquitted does not mince words when discussing Lamar Odom. [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson at an IHOP? Awesome. [Sports Crackle Pop!]
• The Notorious MOB goes to the movies with the NBA. No word on whether he used the old trick of cutting a hole in the popcorn bucket. Instant lube, people! [The Phoenix Pub]
For some reason only known to him, Mike Francesa decided it was his job, in light of the Erin Andrews Situation, to enlighten the masses about how videos make there way on to the internet and let me just say that I think I might have suffered two or three strokes watching the video.
Perhaps I’ll try watching it again after I drink a liter of vodka and do a few whippits – it might just make sense then.
