Archive for June, 2009
• Major League Baseball. Chicago Cubs at Detroit Tigers. Watch Jim Leyland get crabbier and older right before your very eyes! [WGN, 7:00 ET]
• College Baseball. Game 2, LSU vs. Texas. LSU can put the Longhorns away with a win tonight. I can feel the ping of excitement in the air. Woo-hoo! [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• Enjoy the awkwardness one more time. For those who missed it or for those of you who enjoy watching people’s lives fall apart right before your very eyes (like me), there will be an encore broadcast of last night’s controversial Jon & Kate Plus 8. You know you want to watch it. [TLC, 8:00 ET]
• For simple-minded and easily amused folks like myself. A marathon of Family Guy episodes, followed by two episodes of The Office. Sounds good enough to me. [TBS, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (June 23rd)
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• Will Leitch writes about Twitter in his weekly “Ten Humans” post. [Deadspin]
• Florian Busch, a German hockey player, has been suspended from playing for two years because he decided to hang out with his girlfriend instead of taking a drug test. [Puck Daddy]
• Greg Oden attracts bitches that are thick in the britches when he hits the club scene. [Epic Carnival]
• A review of EA Sports Fight Night, Round 4. [The Big Lead]
• Gina Carona chokes a man. Sexy. [With Leather]
• ClintonPortishead makes a mix tape for Dirk Nowitki. That was awfully nice. The guy is going through some stuff right now. [Style Points]
Yeah, Joe Mauer Is Screwed Now
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Here is how I envision a meeting at Sports Illustrated corporate headquarters goes when deciding who to put on the cover:
Executive A: Say, are there any good stories not getting much exposure right now in the world of sports?
Executive B: Yeah, [insert player name] is playing real well. They say he might be able to [insert record-breaking/impressive feat].
Executive A: Oh really? Well, we can’t allow that to happen. Put [insert player name] on next week’s cover. That’ll learn the prick.
If you have any ability to comprehend what you are looking at, you may have guessed by looking at the photo above that Joe Mauer is the coverboy on next week’s Sports Illustrated, thereby ruining any chance of his quest to hit .400 this season, let alone finishing the season with either of his ACLs intact.
Additionally, if you can read, you may have noticed that Joe Mauer is also featured in the cover story, “The Case For Joe Mauer And Baseball History”, which I’m sure is a total fluff piece about how great Mauer is, his quest to bat .400 (which shouldn’t even be a point of discussion at this point – it’s June, for Chrisssakes) and how he puts on a nipple vest to nurse abandoned kittens, among other great acts of kindness.
As you all know, the Sports Illustrated cover jinx is well-known phenomena, which in all honesty, has absolutely no effect on the outcome of anything, but goddamn, can’t they leave shit alone for once?
More nuggets from the Mauer interview can be found in the story from the Star Tribune.
Mauer, still above .400, grabs SI cover [Star Tribune]
Free Reign, a “metal” band comprised of Dallas Cowboys linemen Leonard Davis, Marc Colombo and Cory Procter (and I guess one other dude – say, is he a missing Giambi brother?) signed a record deal with Riot Entertainment, an Australian record label – and if there’s one thing Australian record labels know, it’s American metal music played by professional football players.
Now, I’m not saying they suck, but you be the judge after watching a live version of their song called – well, I don’t know what it’s called, but I believe the guy keeps screaming, “we are the chowderheads”:
The fine baseball blog Bugs & Cranks has recently published a very interesting story detailing a recent blog post by Major League Baseball fan/groupie/cumcatcher Alyssa Milano regarding her All-Star ballot selections. From the Bugs & Cranks post:
Her NL All-Star picks were those of a Dodgers homer, with one very notable exception — while voting Dodgers for the other 7 positions, she chose the Mets Carlos Beltran over one of the greatest Dodgers ever, beloved hero Manny Ramirez.
It’s almost unthinkable, but she tries to defend her All-Star snub: “I could not vote for Manny, because it is a bad message to send to our kids.”
But Embrace of the Vampire and Poison Ivy II: Lily were good messages to send to our kids? I suppose if they were, the message would be, “Girls, whether you’re an actress, a secretary or a bartender, if you see your career going down the shitter, there’s nothing wrong with whoring it up a bit. You’ll be amazed what good it can do. Look at me, I am a no talent hack that parlayed a role in a 1980s sitcom and an eventual great set of tits into a middling acting career that has allowed me to become road beef for several high-profile ballplayers.”
Live your dream, kids: just stay off the performance-enhancing drugs. Nevertheless, I would just like to say that I am a huge fan of her work.
Big time.
Alyssa Milano: Hypocrite, Traitor [Bugs & Cranks]
*touch* ‘em all [MLBblogs.com]
• Ooh la la, I don’t know who she is, but Sarah Carbonero has some pouty and purty lips. [Busted Coverage]
• Yanno, Business_Socks is right. U.S. Open winner Lucas Glover is an asshole. A selfish prick is what he is. [Style Points]
• A Mystery Science Theater-looking photo from a Minnesota Vikings press conference. [The Sports Hernia]
• A report from Chilltown at Bethpage Black. [The Rookies]
• Robert DeNiro, Dale Earnhardt and Mel Kiper, Jr. discuss the NHL draft. [Melt Your Face Off]
Yeah, this isn’t going to end well.
Brock Lesnar, the current Ultimate Fighting heavyweight champion, in an interview with fightline.com, stuck his well-muscled, God-given, steroid-free foot in his mouth when he claimed that genetics, not steroids, are the reason for his gargantuan size and musculature:
“I got the genetics of–not to get into racism or anything–but I’m built like a black man. Would you say so?”
Hoo boy.
Thanks to Busted Coverage for finding this video of an Asian man saving his ladyfriend from certain injury by catching a line drive foul ball with something that resembles a pizza box right before it drills her. (Video after the jump)
Dirk Nowitzki (without the go-ahead from his publicist, I imagine) opened up a vein for the German publication, Bild Magazine, and discussed his innermost feelings regarding his rocky relationship with the mother of his unborn child, Cristal Taylor. What we learn is Dirk is a very deep and emotionally vulnerable man at the moment.
Sorry, that Gloria Estefan reference was the best I could do – MJD over at Shutdown Corner already beat me to the “rhythm is going to get you.” You have to get up pretty early to best MJD – heck, he even admitted to attending one of her concerts.
Oh yeah, I should probably mention that seven-time Grammy Award winner Gloria Estefan and her producer husband, Emilio (it must really burn him up that he’s only the second most famous Emilio in the world) Estefan are reportedly buying a small ownership stake in the Miami Dolphins. How very exciting!
When you consider that the Dolphins already have formed a partnership with Jimmy Buffett and his Landmark beer company in the naming of the stadium and this development, the Dolphins have no cornered the baby boomers and the latin market in Miami. All that is needed is to have Cher be the halftime entertainment at every home game and there will not be one part of the Miami population not spoken for at Dolphins games.
Well played, Miami Dolphins. Well played.
One piece of advice, though – whatever the organization plans to do to use Gloria to promote the franchise, don’t let Gloria ever ride on the team bus. Yeah, that wouldn’t be good.
The rhythm got the Miami Dolphins. Hey, we were all warned. [Shutdown Corner]
Source: Estefan buying into Fins [SI.com/AP]
The Back And the Bus [Entertainment Weekly]
• MLB Roundup. The Rockies won their sixth straight game, demolishing the Angels 11-1, with Brian Hawpe going 2-4 with a three-run homer. Javier Vazquez scattered nine hits in 6 2/3 innings but somehow kept the Cubs scoreless as Atlanta defeated the Cubs 2-0. Oakland pitchers surrendered only 4 hits, one a solo home run, in their 5-1 victory over the Giants. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• College World Series. Mike Mahtook had the game-winning single in the top of the 11th inning as LSU survived five home runs by the Longhorns, winning 7-6. LSU now leads the best of three series 1-0. [College World Series Official Site]
• Wimbledon. Roger Federer had no problem in his first round match, defeating Yen-Hsun Lu 7-5, 6-3, 6-2 and Maria Sharapova defeated Viktoria Kutuzova 7-5, 6-4. [Yahoo!]
• She loves her peeps. Carol Burdick of Colorado is going to court to battle her eviction from her apartment after her landlord kicked her out for leaving up her Easter decorations too long. Her genius attorney claimed that “”[a]n Easter decoration is a religious statement and should be protected — even if it is just bunnies.” Good call, counselor. Enough is enough with lazy assholes who leave up decorations too long. I’m not kidding – there is one house in my neighborhood with Christmas lights still up – their wreath would probably still be hanging above their garage door if it had not spontaneously combusted a few weeks ago. [MSNBC]
The Sportress is going to be shut down today – well, not technically “shut down” – if it were, how would you be reading this? I just have some business to attend to which will prevent me from parking myself in front of a computer monitor all day.
Have a good day, everyone. Enjoy the U.S. Open. See you tomorrow.
- Weed
This week is finally over – at some points it felt like it was never going to end. Oh well, I guess that means we are just that much closer to Monday. Yay. Since that is the case, let’s get out there and enjoy the weekend – but first, how about we take a look at the Week on Sportress of Blogitude?
• PGA Tour. U.S. Open Championship. It says that it’s the best of the second round, but it will be live coverage of the second round. Between the online streaming and the rain delays, I’m getting to see a lot more of the Open that I thought I would. Very nice. [ESPN, 8:00 ET] – Note: I’d tune in to ESPN as soon as you get home – live golf will probably be on.
• College Baseball. NCAA World Series. Arizona State vs. Texas. How long does this thing go on? It seems like it’s been on every night since late May. [ESPN2, 7:00 ET]
• Boxing. Friday Night Fights: Fernando Beltran (32-3-1, 18 KOs) battles Monty Meza Clay (28-2, 19 KOs) for the IBF Latino Featherweight Title. It would have been a more interesting fight had Fernando Valenzuela fought Monty Hall. [ESPN2, 10:00 ET]
• Yet another movie that should never be shown on basic cable. Fight Club. Great film, but how long will it be once they edit out all of the unsuitable content, 30 minutes? [SPIKE TV, 9:00 ET]
• I would watch Kate Beckinsale read a phone book. Underworld: Evolution. Miss Beckinsale portraying a sexy vampire? Check. Tight leather outfits for the starlet? Check. Blinds closed? Check. [FX, 8:30 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (June 19th)
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• It’s sexy Friday over at KSK. Boobies! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Chuck Knoblockhead’s Twenty Best Kid’s Sports Movies countdown is now complete. Number 1? Showgirls? The hell? [The Rookies]
• The five dumbest things Chris Berman has said thus far in covering the U.S. Open. Only five? [Devil Ball Golf]
• The Big Lead interviews ESPN anchor Josh Elliott. I wonder why they didn’t ask him how it feels to be emasculated by Hannah Storm on a daily basis. I bet it feels kinda funny, like when you climbed a rope in gym class. [The Big Lead]
• What they say is true: Steelers fans really do travel well. [PSAMP]
• ClintonPortishead looks into his crystal ball and predicts this day in the future of sports. [Style Points]
