Archive for June, 2009
“I’m going to go get married in Las Vegas!!”
Huh?
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Marc-Andre Fleury rebounded from a horrendous Game 5, making 25 saves, including a game-saving stop on a breakaway by Dan Cleary with 1:41 remaining, and Jordan Staal and Tyler Kennedy each scored a goal as the Pittsburgh Penguins defeated the Detroit Red Wings 2-1 to force a Game 7 on Friday night in Detroit. [NHL.com]
• NBA Finals. Orlando shot a Finals record 63 percent, including 75 percent in the first half, and Dwight Howard and Rashard Lewis scored 21 points each as the Magic avoided falling into a 0-3 hole, defeating the Los Angeles Lakers 108-104. [NBA.com]
• MLB Roundup. David Ortiz homered and Josh Beckett allowed only one hit in six innings as the Red Sox defeated the Yankees 7-0 for Boston’s sixth consecutive victory over New York. Minnesota jumped out to a 10-0 lead and held on to beat Oakland 10-5. Mark DeRosa hit a grand slam as Cleveland beat Kansas City 8-4. Johan Santana surrendered four home runs, but the Mets beat the Phillies 6-5. Colorado rallied for three runs in the seventh inning as the Rockies beat Milwaukee 3-2. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Dude, all I need is my board, some killer waves and twenty-four pounds of these tasty buds I’m trying to smuggle into the country from Mexico. The Border Patrol arrested a man who was allegedly trying to smuggle 24 pounds of grass on his surfboard. He was spotted 200 yards off Imperial Beach near the Mexico border. Not the best execution of a plan, but you have to admire his effort. [Yahoo!/AP]
I have no idea whether this is real or not, but if it is, it’s awesome. And if it isn’t, it’s still funny. (H/T The Sports Hernia)
So, here we are again, folks. It’s Last Call at the Sportress of Blogitude. I think things went well on Saturday, so why shouldn’t they go swimmingly again?
A lot on the docket tonight, with the NBA and the NHL going head-to-head on prime time network television, so it should be a doozy.
Let’s have fun and don’t use the guest soaps this time, you got it? My mom was pissed! And let’s try to leave the Sportress in a little better shape afterward than last time, you got it?
Shit, between Weird Science references for Last Call on Saturday and now a Sixteen Candles reference today, I’m going to run out of John Hughes movies before too long. If I end up busting out something from She’s Having A Baby in the future, would somebody do me a favor and punch me in the throat? I’d appreciate it.
Alright, and away we go.
Set your remote controls to stun, people, because it’s going to be a frantic night of sports watching. Wait. Why would you want to stun your television? Scratch that idea. Um, check your batteries, I guess.
• NHL Stanley Cup Finals. Game 6, Detroit Red Wings at Pittsburgh Penguins. What’s this? NHL hockey on prime time network television? Did I hit my head or something? Well, you better enjoy it, because this could be the last game of the season. [NBC, 8:00 ET]
• NBA Finals. Game 3, Los Angeles Lakers at Orlando Magic. The series makes its way to Orlando. I don’t know, is scowling allowed in Florida? Kobe better check on that. [ABC, 9:01 (clever!) ET]
• Other stuff to watch. Silly rabbits, if anything, you should only be flipping around when there are commercial breaks during both games. With that said, I don’t know why you would want to watch something else, but National Lampoon’s Vacation is on CMT at 9:00 ET.
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (June 9th)
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• Unicycle basketball? This should most definitely be an event in the Special Olympics. [The Rookies]
• Screw Brett Favre, how about some love for some other retired quarterbacks? [Bootlegger Sports]
• Photo of Greg Oden, legally drinking a beer. Ha, the funny part is he looks older than that. Have you ever noticed that? [Busted Coverage]
• Christmas Ape’s take on New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton’s The Xbox Kid script. No seriously, that’s a real thing. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• John McCain has some words of encouragement for Tom Glavine. McCain should have went with, “Suck it up, pansy. It’s better than spending five and a half years in the Hanoi Hilton.” [The Sporting Blog]
• Penguins head coach Dan Bylsma eats lucky burritos. But isn’t every burrito lucky, in its own special way? No, I don’t know what that means, either. [Puck Daddy]
* list does not include Chad Pennington and Ben Roethlisberger
(Note: this site has been mentioned already over the past month or so by several sites, most notably Hot Clicks and Deadspin, but I thought it warranted revisiting. Why? Because I’m lazy and it’s a slow news day.)
Given the mania surrounding the Twitter accounts of athletes these days, from which Twitter accounts are authentic and which ones are done by imposters, to who is saying what about whom, the website AthleteTweets.com has compiled a roster of personalities from the sports world in one place so you can keep up with the daily goings on of your favorite athlete/future stalking victim.
It should be pointed out that nowhere on the site does it make the assertion that these are actually authentic Twitter accounts, so follow at your own risk, I guess.
A complete listing after the jump (H/T Philadelphia Inquirer)
Obviously, by now everybody has heard about the news that the Favre clan has reserved 25-30 rooms at the Midway Motor Lodge on the weekend of November 1st, which coincidentally coincides with the Sunday that the Minnesota Vikings visit Lambeau Field to take on the Green Bay Packers.
Listen up, as a Midwesterner, I feel it is my duty to point out that there are plenty of activities going on every day in these parts that could occupy as well as entertain a family for a long weekend, and I’m sure this is why Favre’s family and friends have booked the rooms. Favre did live in Wisconsin for many years – perhaps he misses spending the winters in such a beautiful and hospitable locale. It’s just a strange kwinky-dink that the game just so happens to occur the same weekend. Remember, Favre is retired at this time, okay?
What follows is simply a sampling of the activities available to the Favres on the weekend of November 1st.
• Despite her tweet indicating otherwise, LPGA player Morgan Pressel is not getting breast implants. Sigh. [With Leather]
• With the news of his upcoming surgery, Josh Hamilton gets by with a little help from his friends, he gets hi-…nope. [Style Points]
• Steve Nash will serve as NBA Finals correspondent for David Letterman. Book Tom Petty as the musical guest and you got yourself a whole lot of ugly. [Ball Don't Lie]
• The folks at Twitter aren’t real big fans of Tony LaRussa these days. [Walkoff Walk]
• The secret life of Shane Battier. [The Rookies]
• Not sports-related at all and I’m sure most of you have seen it already, but I had to do my part to make sure everyone has the opportunity to see this – Bret Michaels getting crushed by part of the set after performing with Poison during Sunday’s Tony Awards. Bret once sang that he won’t forget you, babe, but I’m not so sure anymore. [H/T Don Chavez]
Being the marketing genius that I am, when the news hit that after an eye exam, it was learned that slumping David Ortiz had no serious eye problems and all that was prescribed were eye drops for dry eyes, my mind started working.
That turned out to be pretty exhausting, so I took a four hour nap. When I woke up, it hit me:
How about we get David Ortiz and Ben Stein together for some Clear Eyes commercials? Both fellows are likable, Stein has proven he works well with athletes after his entertaining Comcast commercials with Shaquille O’Neal and perhaps something to take Big Papi’s mind off his horrific season would be just the thing to bust him out of his slump.
Goddamn, I’m a friggin’ whizkid.
(video of Shaq & Stein’s Comcast and Stein’s Clear Eyes commercials after the jump)
Courtesy of P.S.A.M.P.
Hey, if you worked for Versus, you would have a drinking problem, too.
Fantastic find by Pittsburgh Sports And Mini Ponies (note: be sure to check out bonus photo of Pens coach Dan Bylsma mugging for the camera). Apparently, a friend snapped this photo of Versus analyst Brian Engblom enjoying some suds after Pittsburgh’s 4-2 victory over Detroit in Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals last Thursday.
While Enblgom has every right to go out and enjoy himself by having a couple of beers with some friends without fear that it will stir up controversy, the drinking here is not what I have a problem with – it’s that shirt. C’mon, Brian – you’re better than that – or you’re not.
Engblom is not, however, the only Versus on-air personality that has an affinity for accumulating glass containers. Check out what his cohort Keith Jones keeps stored in his dressing room:
Yay! Gossip!
Liz Watson has filed for legal separation from her still-waiting-to-sign-with-a-major-league-team-because-he-still-has-a-lot-to-offer-if-someone-would-just-give-him-a-chance husband Barry Bonds, citing irreconciable differences.
Liz is seeking spousal support and requesting joint legal and physical custody of their 10-year-old daughter, Aisha Lynn.
The 44-year-old former San Francisco Giants’ slugger, who hit his history making 755th home run in 2007, married 39-year-old Liz in 1998. This is his second marriage.
• MLB Roundup. Johnny Damon, Mark Teixeira, Nick Swisher and Derek Jeter all homered in the Yankees’ 5-3 win over Tampa Bay. David Ross got the game-winning hit with a bases loaded single as the Braves outlasted the Pirates 7-6 in 15 innings. The Chicago White Sox and Detroit Tigers split their doubleheader, with Detroit winning the first game 5-4 on Brandon Inge’s run-scoring single in the 9th and Chicago winning 6-1 in the second game behind a one-hit, eight inning performance by Jose Contreras. Sean West brought a no-hitter into the seventh inning as Floirda beat San Francisco 4-0. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• U.S. Open Qualifying. David Duvall, J.B. Holmes, Fred Funk, Matt Kuchar and Senior Tour Rookie Tom Lehmann all qualified for the U.S. Open at Bethpage via sectional qualifying yesterday. Those who will not be in attendance at the U.S. Open are Davis Love III, Chris DiMarco, Charles Howell III, Jose Maria Olazabal and Lee Janzen; but by far the most disappointing news out of sectionnal qualifying: John Daly did not make the cut, shooting a 70 and 73. I think I’ll miss his outfits the most. [Bloomberg.com]
• Don’t Tread On Patriotic Squirrel! A squirrel has been stealing miniature American flags off graves at a Port Huron, Michigan cemetary and bringing them up to his nest. Hey, as long as he takes them down at night and inside when it rains I don’t see a problem with it. [AOL News/AP]
Oh, but there is one thing: rumor has it, the squirrel isn’t even an American! He’s from Canada!
Oh, snap! I so got Sid the Kid on that one, didn’t I?
For the 118th consecutive game and for the last time this season, Mellon Arena will be sold out after 500 tickets were sold in less than 10 minutes Monday morning for game six of the Stanley Cup Finals against the Detroit Red Wings on Tuesday night.
One lucky fan, Joanne Geyer, was first in line at 8:45 this morning and got herself tickets when the office opened at 10:00 a.m. The only problem was the tickets weren’t for her – her boss made her go and get them for him:
“I got the tickets for my boss and even though I’d love to go to the game I don’t think I’ll be invited,” Geyer said with a smile. “Even if I was invited, I don’t think I’d be able to pay for the ticket.”
Helluva boss you got there, Ms. Geyer. One question: what was he more pissed about – that you showed up late for work this morning or that he had to wait for his fucking dry cleaning until you went and picked it up during your unpaid lunch break?
What an asshat.
Penguins sell remaining 500 tickets in 10 minutes [NHL.com]
• Major League Baseball. Tampa Bay Rays at New York Yankees. Happy happy joy joy. [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• College Baseball. NCAA Super Regional. You will get either Texas Christian at Texas or Clemson at Arizona State and you will like it. [ESPN2, 7:00 ET]
• About as good for you as huffing rubber cement but with more resulting brain damage. I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here! Or what I think would be a more accurate title, “I’m A Celebrity…Who Told You That? If You Tell Me And Give Me Some Coke, I’ll Suck Your Cock – Ah, Screw Telling Me Who Said It, Just Give Me A Bump, Would Ya?” Nah, that wouldn’t work. Way too long. [NBC, 8:00 ET]
• It’s kind of like watching one of those fake alien autopsies video. You should know better, but you can’t help yourself – you can’t turn away from watching something resembling a humanoid creature get eviscerated. John & Kate Plus 8. Tonight: “Bam! 100th Episode” Could you guess Emeril makes an appearance? [TLC, 9:00 ET]
• If you have never seen this movie, watch it, and give me a 1,000 word report on it tomorrow on how it is so badass. Dirty Harry. The 1971 film and the genesis of Harry Callahan, one of the greatest characters in the history of cinema. If you don’t agree with me, say so. Go ahead, make my day. [AMC, 8:00 ET]
• Has anybody seen my banjo? Hillbillies: The Real Story. “Stories about mythic hillbillies drawn from 300 years of outcast immigrants, war heroes, isolated backwoodsmen, miners, moonshiners, preachers, musicians and politicians.” The best part is the host: Billy Ray Cyrus. I have no joke for that – it can stand on its own. [History, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (June 8th)
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• Video of French dude Remi Gaillard juggling his balls. Just kidding – he actually does some cool shit with a soccer ball. Nothing sexual though, you perverts. [With Leather]
• More Big Papi stuff: he needs a slumpbuster – the fatter and nastier the better. Do you know what they say some guys like screwing fat chicks? Because they fuck like it might be their last time. That’s just awful. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Yao Ming on the downfall of General Motors. Man, these guys sure know how to get the stars. [Style Points]
• “How Gary Bettman restricts speech through financial intimidation” Fan-fricking-tastic post. [Puck Daddy]
• Ladies and gentlemen, the Unoffical “Around the Horn” Drinking Game. Hoo boy. I already have to be half in the bag to get through that show. Tack this on and we’re looking for trouble. [The Rookies]
• Star Ledger columnist Mark Dilonno decides to go into the comments section of one of his online columns and call people pussies and chickenshits. I wonder if he was wearing Bad Idea jeans at the time. [The Big Lead]
