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They Say That Lady Justice Is Blind, But That Broad Sure Can Smell Cash

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Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth pleaded guilty to DUI Manslaughter and will serve 30 days in jail in connection with a car crash on March 14th that killed 59-year-old pedestrian Mario Reyes. The plea agreement more than likely had something to do with Stallworth and his attorneys reaching a confidential civil settlement with the victim’s family.

His jail term will be followed by two years of house arrest and eight years probation. A Miami-Dade County judge also ordered the National Football League player to pay $10,000 in fines and perform 1,000 hours of community service.

Blood tests showed Stallworth had a blood alcohol level of 0.126, well above Florida’s legal limit of 0.08, when he hit and killed 59-year-old construction worker Mario Reyes on March 14, court documents said.

Oh, he gets two years of house arrest, too? Well, that makes it different. Now, from what I understand about the rules of house arrest, he will only be able to leave his home for work (if he’s ever allowed to play football again, does that mean he gets to leave for entire weekends?), go to the grocery store, probation meetings, 1,000 hours of community service, church, volunteer work, fireman’s booyahs, doctor appointments, his part-time job at the golf course, his part-time job at the nightclub, his part-time job at the Bentley dealership, his nephew’s birthday party, his grandma and grandpa’s 50th wedding anniversary party, physical therapy appointments, counseling appointments, haircut appointments, pedicures, manicures, pow-wows…

Yeah, it’s a hard-knock life for Stallworth. We should all feel pretty bad for him right now.

But hey, it’s better than 15 years in prison – which is exactly what someone who doesn’t happen to be an NFL player and/or millionaire would have most assuredly been sentenced to, right?

Stallworth gets 30 days in drunk-driving death case [The Washington Post/Reuters]

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