Archive for May, 2009
Photo courtesy of David Kozlowski, Freelance Photographer, Dallas Photoworks.
And to think, they had their best people working on it. From Cowboys owner/meglomaniac/Pizza Hut pitchman Jerry Jones, speaking at a golf tournament:
“Texas Stadium, we certainly have a deep embedded vision of what it is and at some point we will say was. But we’d like to keep it at that. It’s certainly fitting when looking at the tradition of the Cowboys for it to be Cowboys Stadium. It sounds obvious and simplistic but it’s right.”
Obvious and simplistic, huh? Just like their franchise quarterback. Booyah!
Sure, it’s a nice name and straight to the point, but I wonder why the Cowboys organization didn’t heed my advice and go with my radical, thinking-outside-the-box idea.
(checks page views on post)
Huh. I guess odds are a member of the Cowboys wasn’t one of the dozens of people who read that post.
Maybe next time.
Call it Cowboys Stadium [Dallas Cowboys Blog]
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. It doesn’t get any better than this: Game Seven. Pittsburgh Penguins at Washington Capitals. Crosby vs. Ovie. For All The Marbles. No Tomorrow. Backs Against The Wall. Time To Give 110%. A Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush. That’s What She Said. A Stitch In Time Saves Nine. Okay, I’m done now. Seriously, if you don’t have Versus, go to a friend’s house – a bar, even – you know were planning on going anyway, you friggin’ lush. And don’t look at me like that – you know it’s true. [Versus, 7:00 ET]
• NBA Playoffs. Game 5, Dallas Mavericks at Denver Nuggets. Experience the allegations of racism and homosexual slurs live! [TNT, 9:00 ET]
• MLB Baseball. Los Angeles Dodgers at Philadelphia Phillies. I swear, if you are watching this game instead of the Penguins-Capitals game and you aren’t a Dodgers or Phillies fan, I will track you down and punch you in the cock. Just a warning – don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. No, I’m not Lou Ferrigno. Or Bill Bixby. Why do you insist on asking such inane questions? Sheesh. [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• TiVo It. Season finale of Lie To Me. “The FBI asks the Lightman Group to investigate a terrorist bombing outside Washington, D.C.” Sounds juicy. [FOX, 8:00 ET]
• Lose complete faith in the future of the human race. Six back-to-back episodes of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. Fuck an A, Ray. Sure, they probably are paid a mere pittance to do so, but the fact alone that there are six women (more than likely morbidly obese and completely disgusting) who will freely admit on national television that they gave birth to a child without knowing they were knocked up makes me not want to interact with people anymore. Hey, maybe that’s why people are always ignoring me – I must be giving off some sort of a vibe or something. [TLC, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (May 13th)
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• The Judge that sentenced Corie Blount to a year in prison for possessing a hellified amount of grass is a funny guy. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Speaking of Blount, watch video of ESPN anchor Chris McKendry start giggling when reporting on the story. I knew I liked her. [Deadspin]
• Bill Simmons took his “hire me as Timberwolves GM” campaign to ESPN Radio and Colin Cowherd. Too bad there wasn’t a fire in the studio during that interview. [Randball]
• Finally, this is too funny- watch Christian Ronaldo have a “eureka!” moment regarding his latent homosexuality. [H/T Sports Crackle Pop!]
When you want to probe the inner workings of the criminal mind in an attempt to understand what makes them tick, you don’t send in a psychiatrist, psychologist, or – gasp! – social worker – you send in Tony Dungy.
As everyone has likely heard by now, now-retired NFL head coach Tony Dungy took a break last week from hating gay people and traveled to Leavenworth Penitentiary to meet with locked-up soon-to-be PETA spokesperson (seriously) Michael Vick to try to see if there’s any way he could assist the troubled quarterback get his life on track.
But if Coach Dungy thought it was going to be easy, he was dead wrong. Vick is a difficult case and a tough nut to crack. In fact, he might be the Hannibal Lecter of incarcerated-former-NFL-quarterbacks-who-were sent-to-prison-due-to-their-involvement-in-bankrolling-dog-fighting-clubs.
Sure, he’s the only one – that just makes it all the more likely. Don’t question me.
But Dungy wouldn’t be dissuaded – he couldn’t let that happen – and like a chef peeling an onion layer by layer, he slowly exposed what was at the very pit of Vick’s soul and he came away with this mind-blowing, shocking revelation:
Vick wants a second chance when he gets out of prison.
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! How in the hell did Dungy manage to get that out of him? Hypnotism? Coercion? Waterboarding?
Oh, I know what it must have been – he probably watches The Closer on TNT. Kevin Bacon’s wife totally knows her shit, man.
Dungy says Michael Vick wants second chance [Sporting News/AP]
Do you know how they say when D-Listers start showing up at a particular nightclub, the Hollywood elite know it’s time to move on to another hotspot? Well, Citizens Bank Park may have received the dreaded death blow of irrelevancy – if it ever was in fact considered relevant – among the hipster crowd of movers and shakers, because look who showed up at the Phillies game last night – Jamie Kennedy and Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Now, I’m not implying that Jamie Kennedy and J-Love (we’re cool like that) are D-Listers – yet – but when you are in your thirties working in Hollywood and are on a show (Ghost Whisperer) that airs on Friday nights on CBS and the primary viewers of the program you are on are either shut-ins or senior citizens who leave the television on because it gives them the reassuring sense that they are not dying alone (which they are – stop lying to them in your monthly phone calls), things are definitely not looking up in your career.
But hey, they’re in love, right?
(looks at photo again)
Man, Jamie doesn’t look too happy there. Buck up, guy – it could be worse – you could be Tony Romo. Remember, there is always someone in worse shape than you are – unless you’re Tony Romo, that is.
Nevertheless, Jennifer Love Hewitt is still incredibly attractive – just not very talented – but I’m sure most of us would be willing to overlook her shortcomings, amirite? Hoo-ahh! Hoo-ahh! Hoo-ahh!
One more: hoo-ahh!
Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy Attend Phillies Game [The 700 Level]
And no, I’m not referring to that Bobby Flay show on Food Network. I’m talking about some fisticuffs on the ice after the horn sounded in Anaheim’s 2-1 victory over Detroit last night.
If the NHL even dreams of dishing out suspensions for the not-very-brutal-but-highly-entertaining fracas, they are complete morons. As the Great Hockey Sage Greg Wyshinski put it over on Puck Daddy, “the NHL’s disciplinary system would become a parody of the joke it is if any of these players are suspended for Game 7.”
True that.
One thing that will most assuredly result from this brawl: the fans in Detroit will be whipped up into a frenzy and screaming for blood long before the puck is even dropped to start Game 7 in Detroit on Thursday and that will only further motivate the Red Wings to respond – perhaps not with fisticuffs, but with their incredibly efficient “play as a team, win as a team” mentality. In any event, expect this game to get off to a rousing start, one way or the other.
Note: For more insight and top-notch analysis of the Stanley Cup Playoffs than you can shake a stick at, bookmark Puck Daddy and check it constantly – Wysh is the best in the business, as far as I’m concerned.
Video: Niedermayer/Datsyuk main event in Ducks/Wings brawl [Puck Daddy]
• Former NBA player Corie Blount is headed to the pokey for one year after police busted him with 28 pounds of pot. Somebody say cheeba (everybody) “Cheeba!” [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Skip Bayless is on the receiving end of a verbal beatdown by ESPN 950′s, Mike Missanelli in Philly. This does not happen often enough. [Awful Announcing]
• The U.S. Bikini Bowling Team, anyone? Do I have your attention now? [Uncoached]
• One blogger has to buy a Wii now because of the new “Punch Out” video game. Him and everybody else, including me. The game looks awesome. [Simon on Sports]
• Finally, the first streaker at Citi Field. (warning: video contains male asscrack) [H/T Sports Rubbish]
Oh sure, when Eli Manning makes a donation to a “birthing center”, which I assume is just a fancy name that rich folks use for a woman’s baby maker, everyone makes a huge great big deal about it – when some regular Joe Schmo off the street does it, all it means is a few weeks of stress waiting to see if you’re going to be on the hook for 18 years of child support payments. It hardly seems fair.
Apparently, because I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was reading, Eli and Abby Manning, who look positively styling in the photo to the left, made a donation to a birthing center at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Manhattan.
Oh, I see. I was way off base on this one. My utmost apologies. Evidently, “birthing center” is just another name for maternity ward, just a new age, hippie one.
The Giants quarterback and his wife, Abby, will announce plans today for a facility bearing their name – a state-of-the-art center focusing on natural childbirth and holistic care.
Josh Hamilton Is Back On The Horse
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AP Photo
Er, maybe that’s not the best way to put it, given that he used to dance with Mr. Brownstone, but it is nevertheless true. Hamilton was activated Tuesday night from the disabled list and played against the Mariners. And of course, with a flair for the dramatic, Hamilton belted an opposite field two-run homer that opened the floodgates to a six-run 7th inning and a 7-1 win for Texas.
“Any time you can make a play or do something with the bat or hit a home run like that, it obviously helps the confidence out. I was breathing a sigh or relief. Everybody was hugging me, and it was a good feeling.”
Indeed. But not as good as loading up on H, right Josh?
Ahhh, I’m just kidding. Hamilton’s recovery and ascension from drug addict to All-Star baseball player is truly inspiring.
For that, I’ll refrain from needling Hamilton from this point forward.
Just remember – never trust a junkie.
Texas’ Hamilton activated from DL [SI.com]
Josh Hamilton’s blast sets off Texas Rangers’ charge [Fort Worth Star-Telegram]
And you thought Fatheads were tacky. For the “Buy It Now” price of $59.99 on Ebay, you can be the envy of all of the members of your support group with this magnificent piece of art, a lifelike depiction of Chris “Birdman” Andersen in a “16×20 CANVAS CLOTH Premium Lithograph Print” (Awww, man – Framing and Matting Not Included? They screw you with the added charges – bastards).
If $59.99 is a little too steep for your budget, there are also “8×10 PHOTO Premium Lithograph Print, Limited Edition of 10,000 for only $11.99″, a “11×14 CANVAS CLOTH Premium Lithograph Print for only $39.99″ pieces available, among others. The important thing is they will work with you! What a deal.
Among the features available in all sizes:
- This is a reproduction print of an original hand-drawn portrait created by Dantel Art.
- This print is hand-signed & numbered by the artist
- The print is on quality paper with high-quality, long lasting ink for many years of enjoyment.
- You have other print and matting choices, sold on our eBay store, with links provided below
Well, if the artist’s name has “Art” in it, you know you’re getting a quality product.
Further, as some of you may recall, Chris “Birdman” Andersen was the first member ever inducted into the Sportress of Blogitude’s “It Looks Like They Combed Their Hair With A Carameled Apple” Hall of Fame, so if any of you are looking for a nice gift for me, I think one of these prints would look great in the S.O.B.’s corporate headquarters*.
* my mother’s sewing room
[H/T FirstCuts]
• Stanley Cup Playoffs Recap. The Bruins jumped out to a 2-0 lead and made it stick, beating the Hurricanes 4-2 and forcing the series to return to Boston for a Game 7. Anaheim as well staked themselves a 2-0 lead and held off Detroit 2-1. Game 7 will be Thursday night in the Motor City. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA Playoffs. The Celtics managed to get their first lead since the opening minutes on a Ray Allen three-pointer with less than 2 minutes left and held on to beat the Magic 92-88 to take a 3-2 series lead. The Los Angeles Lakers reasserted themselves in the series by dismantling the Houston Rockets, winning by 40 points, 118-78. Taking a 3-2 lead, the Lakers can wrap-up the series Thursday night in Houston. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• MLB Scoreboard. Jayson Werth stole home as the Phillies beat the Dodgers 5-3; Jim Thome belted out a pair of two-run homers and led the White Sox to a 7-4 victory over the Indians; Josh Hamilton hit a home run in his first game since returning from the disabled list, a go-ahead dinger in the seventh in the Rangers’ 7-1 win over the Mariners. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• It sounds like a great intro to a Penthouse Forum letter. The doorbell rings in the middle of the night. Confused, you make your way groggily to the front door, wondering who could be paying a visit at such a late hour. When you open the door, there is a naked woman on your doorstep. Exciting, yes? Not when you realize the woman is fifty-two and she’s asking you for cigarettes. Sounds odd, but that’s just what happened according to authorities in Clearwater, Florida. Police arrested the woman later, wearing boxers at this point, in a…wait for it, wait for it…a mobile home park. I suppose in retrospect I shouldn’t be surprised the police picked her up where they did – isn’t Clearwater essentially one giant trailer park? [MSNBC]
I’m guessing she plays golf because she’s holding a club of some sort in the above photo. I don’t know, I guess it could be a polo mallet or perhaps even an extension rod for a paint roller.
Heh. Extension rod.
Moving on, Verchenova is the first Russian-born player to be a full-time member of the European Tour and she wants to be the “Maria Sharapova of Golf” or some such nonsense – I don’t know – I wasn’t paying attention to what I was reading. Go check out Sports by Brooks – they have all the pertinent details.
Anyway, big ups to the fine fellas over at Sports by Brooks for making me aware of this young lady – you get a gold star for the day.
And for you, dear readers, I award you a photo gallery, after the jump.
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Two Games Six on the schedule tonight. First up is Boston Bruins at Carolina Hurricanes (7:00 ET). The Bruins need this one to get the series back to Boston and with Aaron Ward playing tonight despite concerns he might not, I like their chances. Next up is Detroit Red Wings at Anaheim Ducks (10:00 ET). The Wings are up 3-2 so Anaheim better take care of business at home. [Versus]
• NBA Playoffs. On the NBA side, we have two Games Five. Orlando Magic at Boston Celtics (8:00 ET). Can Boston secure a 3-2 series lead? Will “Big Baby” Davis knock over an elderly woman standing courtside? Can it be any more irritating that Boston fans will have to decide whether to watch the Celtics or Bruins? Or do they have picture-in-picture? I don’t know, but it’s something to think about. And for a nightcap, Houston Rockets at Los Angeles Lakers (10:30 ET). I can’t be in the minority that wishes the Rockets pull this off, right? [TNT]
• Why is this shit even on a sports network? Madden Challenge. Perfect for when autoerotic asphyxiation loses its fun. [ESPN2, 9:00 ET]
• Always good to flip back and forth to. Back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes of The Family Guy, followed up by an episode of The Office and a brand-spanking new episode of My Boys. I have never watched My Boys. Is it any good? Somebody let me know. [TBS, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (May 12th)
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• More salacious photos of NBA-TV’s Melanie Collins have surfaced. Here’s one, go to Busted Coverage for more.
• Chicago Bears wide receiver Devin Hester is putting on a football camp. Unfortunately for kids who will be in attendance, he speaks like a shit salesman with a mouthful of samples. [Epic Carnival]
• ESPN takes the time to interview some kid who watched Brett Favre toss around the old pigskin yesterday. But is this kid now? Because if he isn’t, I don’t understand why they would bother interviewing him. [Fanhouse]
• Are we currently witnessing the beginning of the end of Tiger’s dominance on the golf course? Two guys who know what they are talking about discuss. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Finally, this had to hurt, but it’s funny, so let’s laugh at the poor kid since watching stuff on the internet makes it seem less real. Hilarious! No really, it’s funny. [Don Chavez via With Leather]
Tony Romo Sucks At Life
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Okay, perhaps that is a bit too harsh, but I have been known to utter the same thing after snap-hooking a nine iron into the drink.
Yes, I say, “Tony Romo sucks at life” when I hit a bad golf shot. Who doesn’t?
Where was I? Oh yeah. Tony Romo, the Gunslinger-in-Waiting, failed to qualify for the U.S. Open by shooting an 80 at Dallas National Golf Club.
An 80 on a course set up for U.S. Open qualifying is certainly nothing to sneeze at, but he must still be disappointed at the outcome. Thankfully, he still has that absolutely gorgeous gir–
…a team that are Super Bowl fav–
…well, at least he has his health. Which is nice for him.
Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo fails to qualify for U.S. Open [The Dallas Morning News]
