Archive for May, 2009
The retractable roof over Centre Court at the site of Wimbledon was used for the first time during live matches Sunday and it went off without a hitch.
The roof was closed with rain falling and a crowd of 15,000 spectators watching Andre Agassi, his wife Steffi Graf, Tim Henman and Kim Clijsters play mixed doubles and singles matches, the broadcaster said.
Apparently, it rains a lot in England, so I guess this is a good thing for the tournament. I wouldn’t know, as I am extremely xenophobic, especially regarding anything to do with those pale-faced, arrogant limey bastards.
But I digress. As the roof covered the stadium, singers Katherine Jenkins and Faryl Smith commemorated the event with a stirring rendition of “Amazing Grace”, which sounds nice, but if it had been up to me, I would have had them sing “Dancing on the Ceiling” by Lionel Richie – but I use the song “Hello” as my voicemail message. What can I say, I’m a sucker for Lionel – I celebrate his entire catalog.
Report: Wimbledon uses retractable roof [UPI.com]
Wimbledon roof closes to open up a whole new world [The Guardian]
Earlier this morning, Pro Football Talk used its powers for good and delivered a very important public service message: beware what you read on someone’s Twitter feed – it might not be coming from the the person you think.
Well, punch me in the face and call me Sally! Thank goodness Pro Football Talk is around to warn us of this menace otherwise I would have continued to believe everything I read on the internet, in particular items found on Twitter, where everything is real and there are many things to get hung about.
Last night, we posted an item regarding comments contained in what appears to be DeMarcus Ware’s Twitter feed. In a comment on his Twitter page, Ware suggested that a new deal with the Cowboys is close.
As it turns out, the account is fake.
We weren’t the only ones duped by the faux DeMarcus; the Dallas Morning News had a similar item based on the tweetings of the supposed Cowboys’ linebacker.
Wait a second. Even a well-respected newspaper can get duped into believing these shenanigans? This situation is far more dire than I suspected.
Thank you, Pro Football Talk. Without you, I don’t know how I would make my way through the topsy-turvy world of the internets – or where I could find the very best unsubstantiated hearsay and speculation regarding the National Football League.
Beware Phony Twitter Accounts [Pro Football Talk]
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Former Blackhawks player Dan Cleary burned his old team as he matched a career-high two goals in Detroit’s 5-2 victory over Chicago. The Red Wings are now up in the Western Conference Finals 1-0. [NHL.com]
• NBA Playoffs. Dwight Howard had 12 points, 16 rebounds and 5 blocked shots and Hedo Turkoglu added 25 points and 12 assists as the Orlando Magic led for all but 36 seconds as they dethroned the Boston Celtics 101-82. They move on to play the Cleveland Cavaliers in the Western Conference Finals. Pau Gasol dominated, scoring 21 points and adding 18 rebounds as the Los Angeles Lakers continued their up-and-down play but were on the right side in a decisive Game 7, beating the undermanned Houston Rockets 89-70. The Lakers now face the Denver Nuggets in the Western Conference Finals. [NBA Scoreboard]
• MLB Scoreboard. The Yankees had their third walkoff win in as many games when Johnny Damon hit a homer in the bottom of the 10th to defeat the Twins 3-2. Ivan Rodriguez hit his 300th career homer in Houston’s 6-5 win over the Cubs. Detroit continued to own Oakland, winning 11-7 to complete the three-game sweep. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• PGA Tour Golf. Zach Johnson won in a playoff over James Driscoll to defend his Valer0 Texas Open title for his sixth career PGA Tour victory. [PGATour.com]
• When I was a kid, I remember they gave out cheap rubber toys, but this is ridiculous. A seven-year old girl allegedly found a condom in her Happy Meal in Fribourg, Switzerland. No word on whether it was smothered in special sauce. [MSNBC]
• Holy crap there is absolutely nothing sports-related on national television tonight, except the NCAA Softball Tournament – Arizona State vs. San Diego State. There has to be a good-looking girl or two on these squads, wouldn’t you think? [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
So instead of wasting the night away in front of the television, we should all take the opportunity to enjoy the brief respite we have been afforded from the grind of the Stanley Cup and NBA Playoffs and go outside for a bit and enjoy the fine spring weather. Myself, I’m leaving work early (future posting rules!) and heading out of town to do some fishing – crappies and walleyes to be exact – which is what Minnesotans do when we are not shoveling snow, wrestling polar bears and thinking how awesome it must be not to live in flyover country. We’re so jealous.
With that, we conclude another broadcasting week at Sportress of Blogitude. I took my first day off (woo-hoo!), but I still believe we managed to have some fun anyway. I hope you agree.
Thanks to everyone who visited and please keep coming back. And a huge thank you to those fine sites who linked to some of my posts this week – you know who you are.
Have a great weekend, kiddos.
Salute,
Weed
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (May 15th)
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• Hockey analyst Pierre McGuire is a perv. Don’t believe me? See what he had to say about a naked Tim Thomas. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Youth softball coach believed he was going to meet a 12-year old girl at a park to have sex. You can guess where it goes from here. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Photo evidence that Reese Witherspoon is not athletic. [Epic Carnival]
• Another SbB link, but I neglected to mention it earlier this week: Deadspin’s Rick Chandler has joined the Sports by Brooks writing crew. Happy days! [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
Just When You Think You Know A Guy…
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I’m shocked, I tells ya, shocked!
Vancouver Memphis Grizzlies forward Darius Miles was charged with possession of marijuana Wednesday night in Fairview, Illinois, after allegedly not using his turn signal (well, duh, how are you supposed to use the turn signal when you’re lighting a bowl?).
Miles was ticketed for driving with a suspended license and charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession because the amount of the drug was less than 2.5 grams, which would have been a felony. He was later freed on $100 bond.
Not the best move on his part considering he was already suspended last season for violating the NBA’s anti-drug program, which brings up a an interesting question – how in the bloody hell do you get busted for violating the NBA’s anti-drug program? Smoke a J right on the bench?
Grizzlies’ Darius Miles charged with pot possession [Sporting News/AP]
Annika Sorenstam, who retired from professional golf five months ago after winning 90 tournaments, including 10 majors, announced that she is pregnant and she and her husband Mike McGee are expecting a baby girl.
“To use golf terms, we just ‘made the turn’ from a timing standpoint and are very excited that everything looks good so far.”
Ha! “Made the turn.” You’re a funny one, Annika. And sexy – so very, very sexy.
Congratulations to the supremely-talented player, her husband and the applicator that looked like Jodie Foster’s knuckles that was used to assist in conception. The last one was probably the most important.
First time mother Sorenstam expecting baby girl [Reuters]
* Sorry about the nightmare fuel that is that photo – I couldn’t help myself
• Members of the Florida Marlins don’t want to stay at The Pfister hotel in Milwaukee. Why? Because it’s apparently haunted. Even if there are ghosts, it has to be better than that one time I was in Milwaukee and had to crash at Jeffrey Dahmer’s apartment. That guy was weird – I wonder what happened to him. [Big League Stew]
• The NHL makes it on to the Yahoo!’s “Top Searches” list. They’re big time, baby! [Melt Your Face Off]
• Kevin Smith is planning to adapt a Warren Zevon song for a movie about hockey. Not one part of that sentence makes any sense. [Puck Daddy]
• Chad Johnson will now have “Ochocinco” on the back of his jersey. Thank goodness, becuase if there’s one guy that needs more attention, it’s him. [Shutdown Corner]
• Sad news. Former NBA player, musician and father of four Wayman Tisdale is dead at far-too-young age of 44. May he rest in peace. [Deadspin]
Contrary to what you might believe, John Elway has no problems with his son Jack quitting football. Nope. Not at all. Zilch. Nada. It’s great, really – the best thing that could have happened to him. Seriously, he’s fine.
Discussing it for the first time since Jack quit the ASU football program on April 6th during spring drills, the legendary Broncos quarterback had this to say:
“As a father, you can’t always expect that your son follows (in your footsteps) and plays. I’m really proud of him. He was a late bloomer in football. I hoped that he was going to keep getting better and better.”
Evidently, the younger Elway was struggling with the game, as illustrated by his low spot on the Sun Devils’ depth chart. Nevertheless, his father loves him, and is relieved that the pressure-packed environment Jack was living in trying to live up to his father’s name is in the past.
“He sounds better. Just talking to him, it’s like the world has been lifted off his shoulders. So I’m happy for him.”
I’m sure Elway is just thrilled with his son’s decision. Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt. Just wait until the former apple of his father’s eye informs John that he is leaving school, moving to New York City to try and make it on Broadway and intends on shacking up with a rough trick named Jim.
You know it’s going to happen. We’ve seen it a million times before, haven’t we? Actually, I’ve never seen it but you can imagine what would be like if it did. Regardless, I’ll tell you one thing – I’m happy I’m not invited to Thanksgiving dinner at the Elway’s house anymore. Not because of this, but because John Elway has terrible table manners. Simply dreadful.
Elway content with son’s decision to quit football [The Denver Post]
Brett Favre Armband! Brett Favre Armband!
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40-year old Madison resident Rob Sax knows how it feels. He, like all Green Bay Packers fans, feels lost and betrayed by the actions of the Patron Saint of Wisconsin Brett Favre’s recent dalliances with the Minnesota Vikings.
But unlike of the others, he wasn’t going to take this travesty sitting down – nosiree, Bub, Sax did what any average person with way too much time on their hands would do: he started a Facebook page – a place Packers fans from all over can assemble and mourn together: Mourn 4: The Loss of Favre. Once the Facebook page took off, he created Mourn4.com, where for five bucks, you can purchase an armband with the number 4 on it that you can wear to work, church, A.A. meetings, etc. to show everyone the pain you are going through because of The Gunslinger Who Shall Not Be Named.
Join Packer Nation this season as we come together in our loss. Wear the band to Packer games. Wear it to Viking games. Wear it when you watch games at home or at the bar. Wear it for the man Number 4 once was — not for the purple menace he is hoping to become.
Michael Rand of Randball managed to get in touch with the proprietor of the website for an interview, and Mr. Sax was more than happy to share his story.
Dallas Mavericks forward Josh Howard has been informed that he will need arthoscopic surgery on his ankle to “clean out the junk.”
Howard missed 22 games this season because of the ankle. He returned in late March and played through pain, but was a big part of Dallas’ run to the No. 6 seed in the Western Conference and first-round playoff win against San Antonio.
If the surgery is successful for Howard, I implore Serena Williams to have the same procedure performed on her ass to “clean out the junk” in her trunk. For the sake of humanity, this needs to be done. Please.
Hell, I’ll start a petition on Facebook if necessary – I’ll call it “Friends In Support of Serena Williams Getting Her Gigantic Ass Downsized.” It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
Mavs’ Howard to have ‘junk’ removed from ankle [The Sporting News/AP]
Here’s a photo of Jared Allen from his appearance on Jim Rome Is Burning wearing the skin of an animal that he refers to as “Stewart.”
And before someone calls me on it, I do realize that the name of the Dead Milkmen song is “Stuart”, but maybe “Stewart” is the way Jared Allen prefers it to be spelled. I’m not going to argue with him.
But I think we can all agree that this Jared Allen fella is a friggin’ mess. Sure, he gave up drinking, but was that the right call? He’s clearly not right in the head.
Meet Jared Allen’s Friend, Stewart [The Sporting Blog]
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Dan Cleary scored with three minutes left in the third period to lead the Red Wings to a 4-3 victory over the Ducks after Detroit squandered a two-goal lead. Detroit now moves on to the Western Conference Finals against the Chicago Blackhawks. It took overtime, but the Hurricanes dispatched the Bruins with a 3-2 win in Boston. Scott Walker, who was fined $25,000 earlier in the series for punching Aaron Ward, scored with 1:14 left in overtime, so Carolina now advances to the Eastern Conference Finals and will take on the Pittsburgh Penguins. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA Playoffs. Josh Dwight (gah!) Howard walked the walk after criticizing Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy’s offensive strategies earlier this week, scoring 23 points and adding 22 rebounds as the Magic defeated the Boston Celtics 83-75 to force a Game Seven. The Lakers continue to be horribly inconsistent, losing to the Houston Rockets by 15, 95-80. L.A. was blown out in Game 4, recovered and blew out the Rockets by 40 in Game 5 and now this. Maybe Phil Jackson is right and we should start giving the injury-depleted Rockets some fucking credit. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• MLB Scoreboard. Shin-soo Choo and Asdrubal Cabrera had four hits apiece as Cleveland beat Tampa Bay 11-5. Joe Crede was the hero for the second consecutive night, following up his walkoff grand slam Wednesday night with a two-run bloop single which was part of a six-run 7th as the Twins stormed back from four down to beat the Tigers 6-5 despite Detroit starter Justin Verlander fanning 13. Los Angeles blew a lead but still managed to win, beating Philadelphia 5-3 in 10 innings. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Not The Sharpest Bulbs In The Drawer. Two suspected pot dealers were arrested in Framingham, Massachussetts after police claim they tailgated an unmarked police car. When cops pulled them over and asked for license and registration, the glove box was opened and five individually-wrapped bags of weed were in plain view. Also, when one of them got out of the car, he dropped a baggie of coke on the ground, but he denied it, saying, “The weed is mine, but I didn’t drop the coke.” Riiiiiight. [The Metrowest Daily News via Yahoo!/AP]
Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t come to the blog right now. I’m afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further Sportress of Blogitude absences. You can reach my inbox at its place of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!
Haha! Just kidding – sort of. Old Weed ain’t feeling too well today, so I’m taking my first day off from this here blog. There are plenty of other sites for you to peruse on the internets (just for this day – I WILL NOT be ignored), so have at it. But do not worry, because I’m sure you are, I’ll be back ready and raring to go tomorrow. Unless what I have is the swine flu or whatever sickness we’re supposed to be afraid of catching now.
Oh, wait. Can you hold on a sec? I have to take this call about my tee time.
Yeah, I have to cancel it – darn illness.
Take care of yourselves, everyone. Be good.
- Weed
