Archive for May, 2009
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (May 19th)
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• General Tao pens a letter to Gary Bettman. Well, I guess he typed it. You knew what I meant. [Food Court Lunch]
• The A-Rod/Kate Hudson story is hitting a little too close to home for one blogger – literally. [Bugs & Cranks]
• Colin Cowherd set to host ESPN Sportsnation show. Must miss TV! [Awful Announcing]
• Charles Barkley is one sweaty bastard. [Busted Coverage]
• Danica Patrick is now on Twitter. Keep an eye on this Twitter fad – it might be going places. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
And no, I’m not referring to Barkley’s title as “Worst Golfer Ever.” Shaquille O’Neal is taking a course at Syracuse University called Sportscaster U, which apparently is “a crash course designed to teach athletes about the broadcasting industry.”
I don’t see how this is going to work out well for “The Big Aristotle.” It obviously didn’t pan out when he took those courses at Hip Hop U, not to mention his two semesters spent at The Actors Studio. Although James Lipton found Shaq to be “positively delightful”, and Lipton rarely hands out compliments unless they are warranted.
Shaq takes crash course in broadcast at Syracuse [The Associated Press]
In an interview with The Dallas Morning News, Cristal Taylor said that she is indeed pregnant with Dirk’ s baby. The interview was set-up as a three-way (kinky) conversation by Taylor’s mother, Shirley.
I’ve known Dirk for seven years – and, no, I didn’t tell him everything about my past because I was afraid. But, I mean, now I’m pregnant and alone and broke because he is my only source of income.
She sounds nice. There’s nothing better for a man to hear than “you’re my only source of income.” Other than “I’m crazy and I’m pregnant with your baby,” I guess.
Ms. Taylor went into many topics during the interview, including that she hasn’t spoke to Nowitzki since her arrest and that he has changed his phone numbers. Occasionally sobbing at times, Taylor alleges, according to the News’ report, that “their engagement suddenly broke off and her life unraveled when Nowitzki’s longtime German coach urged a prenuptial agreement and an investigation of her past.
“Not only that, but they [the Mavericks] pretty much told him, after you guys put out all that crap on me, to just wash his hands of me — and I think he pretty much did,” she said, her voice cracking.
She also discusses other inaccuracies that have been disseminated by the media, including that she once worked as a stripper.
“I was a waitress at The Plantation…I was never, ever a stripper in all my life.”
Man, no matter which way you dice it, this is one screwed-up story and I suspect it’s only going to get screwier for Nowitzki. Tough break, Dirk.
What I can’t wait to see is what this baby comes out looking like. Neither of them are what you consider “not ugly” so we could have a freak show on our hands. What we need right now is that “If They Mated” computer program from Late Night With Conan O’Brien. My guess is the results would come out something like this:
• Bill Simmons whines about having to pay $79 for NHL CenterIce to watch the Bruins lose to Carolina in Game 7 because he refused to pay the fee at the beginning of the season “on principle.” Die in a fire. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Kate Hudson and A-Rod together? For A-Rod’s sake, I hope “utter lack of talent” isn’t contagious. [The Big Lead]
• New York Yankees reliever Brian Bruney blames his right elbow injury on an 8 1/2 minute umpire review. Funny, 8 1/2 minutes is about the same amount of time it took me to figure out who in the hell this dickhead is. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Talk about a douche-heavy Morning Bowl: Colin Cowherd mentions Sports by Brooks during a radio interview. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Golfer Briny Baird hit a bullseye situated on the playing surface of Petco Field in San Diego from a 300-foot elevated tee on top of a building. The sad part? Afterward, his name was still Briny Baird. [Steady Burn via With Leather]
According to a report from the St. Paul Pioneer Press, Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson will host a group of young Special Olympians at Winter Park for a Punt, Pass & Kick competition.
Fifty athletes from Special Olympics Minnesota will participate in a punt, pass and kick clinic hosted by Vikings running back Adrian Peterson and teammates Wednesday.
The athletes will be able to watch a portion of the team’s practice, participate in punt, pass and kick drills, and get autographs. Peterson has supported Special Olympics Minnesota since the Vikings drafted him in 2007.
Kudos to Purple Jesus for spending time with these kids – I’m sure it is a day they will remember for years to come – it also means folks like you and me don’t have to do it, which is the best part. Go ahead, call me a terrible person, but I will tell you this: volunteering is a great thing, but only when someone else is doing it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to take a nap. I have been up for almost four hours, for Christ’s sake.
Minnesota Vikings’ Percy Harvin excited for OTA debut [St. Paul Pioneer Press]
The NFL and Comcast have finally reached an agreement over how the NFL Network will be made available to customers of the cable empire, keeping the channel off of Comcast’s premium sports tier.
Thank goodness. It really troubled me that these two companies were wasting all this time negotiating when they could have instead been focusing their attention on new and innovative ways to bilk people out of more of the their hard-earned money. If there has ever been a time we consumers should rally behind to struggling companies, it is now.
Can we do it? YES WE CAN! Save the National Football League! Rally around Comcast! The time is now!
NFL, Comcast reach deal to end NFL Network dispute [USA Today]
As Max Weinberg once said, “Hey, when you’re out having fun, remember: Hookers are people, too. Say ‘thank you’ when you’re done.” Well, an organization in Vancouver will be taking that advice to heart, because in anticipation of the 2010 Winter Olympics, workers in the sex trade in Vancouver will be offered “media training” so they are aware of their rights when dealing with photographers and journalists who want perhaps a bit more than an “around the world” or a “half and half.”
Something called the “Prostitution Alternatives Counselling and Education Society” (PACE) will offer a training session in November.
“We just want (the sex trade workers) to be aware of what their rights are around media, including the fact that it is legal for (media) to take a picture of them on a public street,” Porth said.
“And if they do consent to an interview, they can get the questions ahead of time. Things like that.”
It seems to me all hookers are aware of the fact that you always ask for what you need “up front.” Unless they want a beatdown from their pimp, that is.
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Miroslav Satan and Evgeni Malkin scored less than 90 seconds apart in the first period for a 2-0 Pittsburgh lead and the Penguins held on to beat the Carolina Hurricanes 3-2 in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals. Phillipe Boucher also scored a power play goal for the Pens while Chad Larose and Joe Corvo each scored for the Hurricanes. Penguins goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury was solid in net, stopping 23 shots. [NHL.com]
• MLB Scoreboard. They didn’t need a walkoff hit, but the Yankees still completed the four-game sweep, beating the Twins 7-6. The Toronto Blue Jays also finished off a sweep of reeling opponent, beating the Chicago White Sox 3-3. Finally, the Brewers knocked-off the Cardinals 8-4 for a three-game sweep. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• He was mad as hell and he wasn’t going to take it anymore! A German motorist punched a woman in the face and threatened to sick his attack dog on her after a disagreement over the prices she was charging for white asparagus, often called “edible ivory” in Germany. Punching a woman over asparagus is way over the top – at least here in America, people only attack each other over things like tennis shoes and Beanie Babies. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
Things come way too easy for Michael Strahan. It wasn’t bad enough that Brett Favre gave him the NFL sack record by going down quicker than a fat chick after last call, Strahan has managed to parlay commercial appearances, a guest spot on Chuck and his analyst gig on Fox NFL Sunday into his own series on Fox called Brothers.
Strahan stars in “Brothers,” a new sitcom that will kick off Fridays in the fall, in which he plays a former NFL player who returns home to find that while he has changed, his family hasn’t. The show also stars Daryl (Chill) Mitchell (“Ed,” “Veronica’s Closet”) as Strahan’s brother.
Wow, Strahan is really stretching his acting wings by portraying a former NFL player. Crap, the last time an actor made such a leap was in every movie that Kevin Spacey plays a straight man.
Nevertheless, best of luck to Strahan in his new career. I wish he would have taken my suggestion and taken a job as a Quality Control Consultant for toothpick factories.
Fox unveils new fall schedule, including new sitcom starring ex-Giant star Michael Strahan [New York Daily News]
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Game 1, Carolina Hurricanes at Pittsburgh Penguins. Sidney Crosby and the Penguins are in their second consecutive Eastern Conference Finals. Sigh. It shoulda been you, Ovie. [Versus, 7:30 ET]
• MLB Baseball. Minnesota Twins at New York Yankees. Can the Twins blow it and lose on a walkoff hit of some sort for the fourth consecutive game. Yes they can! [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• Fat Guy Golfing. Back-to-back episodes of The Haney Project: Charles Barkley, The Final Round. He has to get better eventually, right? [The Golf Channel, 10:00 ET]
• Always Worth Watching. Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. Anthony travels to Russia, probably drinks a lot of vodka. Lucky guy. [Travel Channel, 10:00 ET]
• Overrated Cable Movie of the Night. The Princess Bride. Yes, I think this movie is overrated – shoot me. At the same time, I’m one of two people who actually enjoyed that “Geico Cavemen” show, so clearly I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. [Bravo, 9:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (May 18th)
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• Jay Cutler is liking what he’s seeing from Chicago women. [Mouthpiece Sports]
• (ALERT: A Rick Chandler post! Yay!)Al Davis didn’t have any idea who Tom Cable was when he hired Cable as interim coach. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Photos of Song Girls sticking things in their mouths. [Busted Coverage]
• Carlson Palmer believes the Bengals are going to be really good this upcoming season. He was out most of last season due to a botched lobotomy surgery, right? [Joe Sports Fan]
• Lastly, some cyclist guy surviving a 250 foot drop into a ravine. Sadly, after he was rescued, he was still a professional cyclist. [H/T The Sporting Blog]
(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)
Here’s Dick Cheney at the Nationals game yesterday, and he doesn’t look too happy. To be fair, this is by far the lowest Cheney has felt since his assistant took away the car battery he used to electrocute kittens. The smell of burnt fur was reaching intolerable levels.
It’s not like the day was a total wash for Dick. In fact, rumor has it Cheney was in higher spirits shortly after this photo was taken. Apparently, some toddler in am adjacent section to where the former Vice President was sitting was struck with a batted ball. Cheney always was a sucker for the delicious and life-sustaining tears of children.
Dick Cheney Looks Happy at the Nats Game [D.C. Sports Bog]
In her first singles match in over nine months, Maria Sharapova defeated Italian Tathiana Garbin 6-1, 6-7 (6/8), 6-3 in the first round of the Polish Open in Warsaw. Although Sharapova knew it would take time to get back on her game, this match was perhaps a little more difficult than even Sharapova had anticipated.
“It was a little bit longer than I wanted it to be, a lot longer than it should have been.”
That’s what she said.
Actually, she really did say that.
It was a big win, not only for Sharapova, who has fell from the No. 1 ranking all the way down to No. 126 during her layoff, but a big win for attractive female tennis players over their mannish, homely opponents. I’m not kidding – check out Garbin.
A little bit of a late start on TMB today. Stupid internet.
• A review of the new Punch-Out video game. [FirstCuts]
• Sweet Christ! What is ESPN’s John Miller wearing? [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Michael Irvin’s reality show premiers tonight. Can’t wait. [Awful Announcing]
• Finally, a female Red Wings fan spits on a female Ducks fan. C-c-cat fight! The only thing that could have made this better is if one of the ladies was Raquel Welch. [H/T Busted Coverage]
I wouldn’t have believed it IN A MILLION YEARS, but Jon Gruden will replace Tony Kornheiser in the Monday Night Football booth this fall. From a statement by Gruden issued by ESPN:
“This is a tremendous opportunity and I am very excited to be associated with ESPN and Monday Night Football. I grew up a fan of Monday Night Football, and whether I’ve coached on Monday night or watched, I’ve hardly missed a game all these years.”
Well, if he hasn’t missed a game all these years, he must be at least as qualified as me or anyone else who watches Monday Night Football every week, right? Not too shabby.
