Archive for May, 2009
Farewell, Holly McPeak, We Hardly Knew Ye
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No, seriously, I have no idea who she is – but as McPeak retires immediately from the AVP tour, we remember that her, um, contributions to the sport of professional beach volleyball will always be appreciated (on Google Image Searches, at the very least).
McPeak played beach volleyball in the 1996, 2000 and 2004 Olympics. She and partner Elaine Young won a bronze medal in Athens, the first Olympic medal for U.S. women in the sport.
Her record of 72 career wins was later broken by Misty May-Treanor. McPeak became the first female pro beach volleyball player to surpass $1 million in earnings in 2002.
So as McPeak rides off into the sunset after a brilliant career, do not be afraid to rub one out in her honor. You know you were planning to anyway. Well, to be fair, it was either her or Dirk Nowitzki’s fiancée. Man, you have some serious problems, dude.
Pro beach volleyball star McPeak hangs up bikini [Sports Illustrated]
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs Doubleheader. Game 4, Vancouver Canucks at Chicago Blackhawks (8:00 ET); and as a nightcap, Game 4, Detroit Red Wings at Anaheim Ducks (10:30 ET) [Versus]
• NBA Playoffs. Game 2, Atlanta Hawks at Cleveland Cavaliers. [ESPN, 8:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie Of The Night. Highlander. The original. Very nice. [AMC, 10:30 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (May 7th)
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• Allison Stokke is back and she doesn’t care that you’re a pervert anymore! [Deadspin]
* for those who missed her warp-speed ascent to internet masturbator infamy a few years ago, here she is:
• Photographic evidence of a Celtics cheerleader’s wardrobe malfunction [The Big Lead]
• You have to feel bad for Dirk Nowitzki right about now. I mean have you seen that broad? [Can't Stop The Bleeding]
• Finally, this video is friggin’ hilarious. Women drivers, amirite? [Brahsome, via Epic Carnival]
Y’all ain’t gonna have Brett Favre to kick around no more.
At least according to Yahoo!, via Deadspin.
I’ll believe it when Tarvaris Jackson takes the first snap in Week 1 against the Browns.
Or it could be Sage Rosenfels, I guess.
Fuck.
Maybe Brett will change his mind, right?
National sports media, you silly fools. Do you not understand you are dealing with the most brilliant football mind and diabolical manipulator of the media the National Football League has ever seen? Of course, news that Vikings head coach Brad Childress is still in Minnesota and showed up this morning at Winter Park, the Minnesota Vikings main facility, and is not down in Mississippi meeting with Favre is exactly what he wants you to believe. You have been bested again, lazy media!
What the media is failing to realize is there is a Doppelgänger in our midst. The person that walked into Winter Park this morning was not Brad Childress but an impostor.
Are you ready for the truth, people? Do you think you can handle it?
Here is the person who was seen at Winter Park this morning:
Since everyone on the internets has already read about Manny Ramirez and his suspension already, I wasn’t going to do a post about it unless I could find some unique, Sportress of Blogitude-esque angle to the story.
Well, in stepped the Brits and the BBC.
As you can see in the above screengrab, the BBC is reporting that Manny Ramirez has been given a 50 match suspension.
Say what?
Listen here, you limey fucks, a contest between two baseball teams is called a game – not a match. And for any further reporting you intend on doing regarding America’s pastime, we play baseball on a field, not a pitch. There are also no bowlers or wicketkeepers, either.
And if you don’t wisen up on how we do things in the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, you’re going to end up in a world of hurt. We kicked your ass in World War II and we’ll do it again!
AMERICA! FUCK YEAH! THESE COLORS DON”T RUN!!11!!!1!
God dammit, now I’m going to have to put in some Lee Greenwood and let my patriotism shine. And by letting it shine, I mean I’m going to punch an immigrant.
MLB suspends Manny Ramirez 50 games for drug violation [USA Today]
Ramirez given 50-match suspension [BBC]
• Canadian Parliament to seek ways to include seal pelts on Olympic uniforms. It’s a perfectly sane thing to do, wouldn’t you agree? [Sports Rubbish]
• Photos of drunk Atlanta Hawks cheerleaders. That is all. [Uncoached]
• Anna Rawson is just the kind of sexy the LPGA needs to promote. Also: Anna Rawson’s phone number – do with it what you will. [With Leather]
• Lastly, a Toronto Blue Jays fan does a hot dog shooter off a portly woman’s chest. Fat chicks will always let you put your wiener between their breasts They never know if when it’s going to be the last time someone pays attention to them. [Total Pro Sports]
Happy days are here again. Sasha Cohen confirmed to the Associated Press on Wednesday that she is returning to competitive figure skating. The 24-year old hopes to make a serious push at making the Olympic team for the Vancouver games next year.
“I’ve been excited. Every day it’s closer and real, so it’s very exciting to me.”
It’s exciting for all us, Sasha. You’re providing a great service to your country, no doubt about that.
Yeah, that’s pretty much all I got on this story. And yes, this is newsworthy and that’s why I published it. I should point out I’m a huge fan of the Winter Olympics, figure skating in particular. Don’t believe me? Just wait until I publish my Johnny Weir photo slideshow – it’s accompanied by Cher’s “Believe” on a loop. Trust me, it’s going to be fabulous.
Cohen confirms comeback plans [Sports Illustrated/AP]
A-Rod took another important step yesterday in his quest to return as the most-despised active player on a Major League roster – he actually did some sliding.
Although I cannot confirm it, I am fairly certain this is a pretty close reenactment of the event.
The best part is his vagina got a nice thorough cleaning in the process. DOUCHE!
A-Rod slides, goes 1-for-5 in spring training game [Yahoo!/AP]
Jason Whitlock sat down with Real Clear Sports for an interview that was published Wednesday evening and among the issues he discussed were sports bloggers, the future of print media, why he is so friggin’ awesome, as well as several other topics that we should feel blessed he believed them worthy of expounding upon.
When posed a question about newspapers, Whitlock responds that he cannot “answer this question honestly” but nevertheless informs us that he believes they “are drowning in arrogance” (whereas if Whitlock had to pick a way to go, he would choose drowning in gravy).
More importantly (at least in the context of a discussion of his interview on a sports blog), in between the occasions where Real Clear Sports fawns over Whitlock and basks in his greatness (seriously, I have seen Larry King do more hard-hitting interviews), Whitlock claims has no problem “elevating bloggers” into his realm.
The whole exchange, after the jump.
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Pittsburgh won the game they had to and avoided going down 3-0 in the series, beating Washington 3-2 on Kris Letang’s goal at 11:23 in the first overtime. Carolina took a 2-1 series lead as the Hurricanes beat the Bruins 3-2 in overtime. Jussi Jokinen scored the game-winner. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA Playoffs. Ron Artest got back to being his usual self, getting ejected along with Laker Derek Fisher, but Los Angeles evened up the series at one game apiece by beating the Rockets 111-98. The Celtics tied their series up with the Magic as well, winning 112-94. Rajon Rondo had his third triple-double of the playoffs with 15 points, 18 assists and 11 rebounds in the win. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• MLB Scoreboard. Johan Santana continued his brilliant pitching this season, going 7 innings and giving up 2 hits and no runs in the Mets’ 1-0 victory over the Phillies. Sidney Ponson (?) led the way as Kansas City keeps playing solid baseball as the Royals beat the Mariners 9-1. The Dodgers are now 13-0 at home, a Major League record for most consecutive home wins to start a season by beating the Nationals 10-3. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• And they can build this dream together, standing strong forever, nothing’s gonna stop them now. (Yes, I’ve seen Mannequin - I was young and impressionable – wanna fight about it?) Restaurateur Kenny Tessel has a problem – the busty 5′ 10″ mannequin he has tethered to the outside of his establishment in considered a sign and requires a permit. Why won’t people just let them live? Sure, Kenny’s love for the mannequin is unorthodox, but why is it anybody else’s business? [Yahoo!/AP]
Some days it doesn’t pay to get out of bed. Methinks Damir Dokic is having one of those.
Dokic has been detained in his home for allegedly threatening to “fire a rocket” at the car of the Australian Ambassador to Serbia, according to Serbian Interior Minister Ivica Dacic.
So, what has Dokic’s gaćice in a bunch, you ask?
Apparently, Papa Dokic is not too pleased that Australia’s Sport & Style magazine published an interview it conducted with his daughter, Jelena (in the photograph to the left – hey, it’s relevant to the story – how else would you know who I was writing about without providing a photo of his daughter’s ass?), in which she alleges that he beat her as a child (Jelena has been estranged from her father since 2002).
But Papa has a perfectly reasonable explanation for her allegations:
“…there is no child that was not beaten by parents — the same with Jelena.”
Well, there you go. Despite the fact that it is perfectly acceptable to beat your child, at least according to Damir, Dokic claims that his daughter’s statements are “a continuation of an attack on me, with a clear idea to kill me.”
Man, you just can’t find crazy anywhere like you can in Eastern Europe. God bless those goofy bastards.
Jelena Dokic’s father detained in Serbia [Sporting News/AP]
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Washington Capitals at Pittsburgh Penguins (Game 3). I don’t know how they can improve on Game 2, but I’m going to watch just in case. [Versus, 7:00 ET]
• NBA Playoffs. Orlando Magic at Boston Celtics (Game 3) – seeing the Celtics drop the first 2 games at home would certainly be interesting (8:00 ET); same goes for the Lakers as they host the Houston Rockets (10:30 ET). Oh, sweet tears from fans of storied franchises – you are so tasty. [TNT]
• MLB Baseball. Philadelphia Phillies at New York Mets – but wait, neither of these teams are the New York Yankees or Boston Red Sox! What gives? [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• Ah man, it’s the last episode? I was just going to start watching it! People who act like they like shows when in fact they probably don’t and just say they do to be different are bound to be sad tonight as Scrubs wraps-up its run. Not interested. [ABC, 8:00 ET]
• Speaking of not being interested. American Idol. God, is it almost over yet? Jesus. But hey, at least there is a new Lie To Me preceding it at 8:00 ET. Watch it, dammit! [FOX, 9:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (May 6th)
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• Video of three Penguins fans beating up a Capitals fan – in D.C., no less! Where in the hell were his buddies? [Busted Coverage]
• Possibly android sexpot Victoria Beckham does more underwear ads, world wins. [Epic Carnival]
• Michigan State cheerleaders gone wild. [Uncoached]
Here’s a little taste to wet your whistle, so to speak:
• Finally, the ultra-cool on Cherry drops the F-bomb last night. He’s so cool, in fact, that it doesn’t appear that anyone notices. Really, the only surprising part of the video is he didn’t manage to call European players a bunch of pussies in the process. [Total Pro Sports]
The news we’ve all been waiting for with bated breath has finally arrived: the meeting between Vikings head coach Brad Childress and Brett Favre has been set. Thank goodness. But Sportress of Blogitude has a little inside information for my tens of readers regarding exactly where said meeting will take place:
The two lovebirds will be spending a quiet (and possibly romantic) night at the Sunny Grove Bed & Breakfast in Hattiesburg, where their privacy will be assured and a relaxing atmosphere will be provided. Among the amenities:
Enjoy two suites with private baths and sitting rooms. Relax in peace on the home’s wide porches. Sunny Grove Bed and Breakfast offers antique beds, fireplaces, fishing ponds, privacy on 25 acres, hammocks, porch and lawn furniture to lounge in, Southern cooking and good ‘ole Southern hospitality.
A full breakfast is served in the dining room, which includes a refrigerator, microwave and coffee pot for your convenience. Enjoy the shady grounds and peacefulness.
Boy, that sounds really nice. Southern hospitality, even! I’m sure any differences that need to be ironed out between the two will be easily accomplished in such a tranquil, peaceful setting.
I’m so happy for those two - I can picture them now:
I just hope Brett doesn’t forget his boner pills. Childress? I’m not too worried about him. If you recall, he’s “190 pounds of twisted steel and rompin’, stompin’ dynamite,” so I’m pretty sure he’ll have no trouble getting it up when the time is right.
Best of luck, Brad & Brett. But they don’t have a cute name for their couplehood yet – may I suggest Bradifavre? Ah, I’m sure someone much more clever than me can come up with something better.
Childress, Favre meeting set [Access Vikings]
Williamson wants to ‘duke it out’ with Childress [USA Today]
Sunny Grove Bed & Breakfast Official Site
