Archive for May, 2009
(Doug Pensinger, Getty Images)
Mark Cuban admitted he got into a verbal altercation with Kenyon Martin’s mother, Lydia Moore in the wake of Mavericks’ soul-crushing 106-105 loss to the Nuggets on Saturday night in Dallas, conceding via e-mail what transpired, according to The Denver Post:
“…that when he walked off the court, a fan was screaming about the Nuggets being “thugs,” so Cuban said to Martin’s mother: “That includes your son.”
Cuban reportedly added in his e-mail that he knew Moore “because after a previous game that Denver won, she had approached him and made trash-talk-type comments.”
Ooooh, it’s so on now.
The first question you may be asking yourself is, “Who the heck is John Dewan?” To be honest, I didn’t know either, until I read the write-up in the Orange County Register regarding the the Angels’ thrilling 4-3 victory over the Royals yesterday, specifically in reference to Torii Hunter robbing Miguel Olivo of a home run in the 9th inning. John Dewan is the author of The Fielding Bible, a book that was apparently “[p]reviously available exclusively to Major League Baseball teams, John Dewan and Baseball Info Solutions reveal their revolutionary approach to fielding analysis.” Unfortunately, Dewan’s website is down, for some odd reason, but here is what he had to say about Hunter’s fielding ability heading into the 2009 season:
“…well removed from his defensive prime” but still able to play “acceptable defense.”
Bert Blyleven’s Got Worms
Posted by:
In honor of Minnesota’s fishing opener, Bert Blyleven made good on his promise and ate two nightcrawlers during Saturday night’s broadcast of the Mariners/Twins game on Fox Sports North.
His act of intestinal fortitude raised $15,000 for Parkinson’s Association of Minnesota.
Unfortunately, I’m not technologically savvy enough to figure out a way to embed the video here on S.O.B., but you can see it the video in its entirety on Fox Sports North’s Facebook page here as well as a photo gallery here.
So three cheers for Bert for doing something disgusting for charity. By the way, since Bert is having so much difficulty getting into the Baseball Hall of Fame, by chance is there some sort of Hall of Fame for disgusting acts? If there isn’t, I suggest someone creates one and names it after Joe Buck.
Bert Belongs! [Babes Love Baseball]
Bert Blyleven Is Going To Eat Worms For Charity….Seriously [Awful Announcing]
Fox Sports North Page [Facebook]
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Johan Franzen scored his seventh goal of the postseason as the Detroit Red Wings dominated the Anaheim Ducks 4-1 to take a 3-2 series lead. Boston’s Tim Thomas stopped 19 shots on the way to shutting out the Carolina 4-0; the Hurricanes now hold a 3-2 edge in the series. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA Playoffs. No Yao? No problem. Aaron Brooks scored 34 points as Houston surprised Los Angeles 99-87 to tie the series at two games apiece. The Celtics were outscored 33-16 in the fourth quarter but managed to hold on to beat the Magic 95-94 when Glen Davis hit a 21-foot jump shot as time expired to even up the series two games to two. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• MLB Roundup. Torii Hunter stole a home run from Miguel Olivo in the 9th inning as the Angels beat Royals 4-3; Cincinatti belted out five home runs but it wasn’t enough, losing 8-7 to St. Louis in 10 innings; the Twins bullpen gave up four runs in the 8th en route to losing 5-3 to the Mariners. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• PGA Tour Golf. Henrik Stenson fired a 6-under 66 and blew away the rest of the field, winning by four strokes at The Players Championship after third round leader Alex Cejka completely unraveled. [PGA Tour. com]
• And We Thought The Housing Crisis In The United States Is Bad. A Greek man returned home to discover his home wasn’t there anymore after thieves lifted his prefabricated home off the foundation and made off with it. [Yahoo!/AP]
According to Access Vikings, ESPN is now reporting that Brett Favre has sent x-rays of his right shoulder to the Minnesota Vikings for inspection.
As psychopathic motivational speaker Susan Powter once screamed at a frightened nation through the television, “Stop the insanity!”
And with that, we wrap up another week here on S.O.B. Thanks to everyone that checked out the blog. Y’all keep coming back now, y’hear?
Also, many, many regards to the fine sites that took the time to link to some of my posts this week and were kind enough not to send back a “Stop sending us links, cocksucker!” e-mail. Those fine folks include: With Leather, Busted Coverage, The Big Lead, Shutdown Corner, Devil Ball Golf and Rumors & Rants. Be sure to check out these fine sites, people. They’re the tops.
Take care of yourselves this weekend. And Happy Mother’s Day to all of you moms out there and for those of you that are fortunate enough to have your mothers still around (myself included), be sure to let them know it’s not their fault how fucked up you are.
Salute,
Weed
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Game 4, Washington Capitals at Pittsburgh Penguins. Will some home-cooking help the Pens even up the series? Or will death threats on Penguins message boards pump up Alex Ovechkin? Tune in and find out. [Versus, 7:00 ET]
• NBA Playoffs. Game 3, Boston Celtics at Orlando Magic (7:00 ET) and Game 3, Los Angeles Lakers at Houston Rockets (9:30) – see how dirty Kobe Bryant can play and not get suspended! [ESPN]
• MLB Baseball. Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers. Ahh, WGN – how nice. Remember when TBS used to air Braves games, too? Wait, you’re not 30? Nevermind. [WGN, 8:00 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Rambo: First Blood, Part II. Watch Sylvester Stallone kill an inordinate amount of Vietcong and barely get injured. I saw this movie in the theaters when it came out in 1985 – I was in 6th grade. That explains a lot. [SPIKE TV, 9:00 ET]
• One Of My Favorite Shows. Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. With Guy Fieri. It’s amazing he can find the time to do this show and attend Royals games. Fascinating. [Food Network, 10:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (May 8th)
Posted by:
• Sweet fancy Moses! What did Jared Allen do to his hair! [Shutdown Corner]
• The Top 7 Worst Sports Ideas of the Decade. [Joe Sports Fan]
• Steroids? Tiger Woods don’t need no stinking steroids. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Every Team Needs an Official Musk. Boy, do they ever. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Finally, the video we have all been talking about: Mike Tyson singing “In The Air Tonight” from the movie The Hangover. Enjoy. [H/T Fan IQ]
Your rights are being infringed upon, sufferers of erectile dysfunction, made flaccid by the limp and worthless actions of bigwigs out in Washington. That is, if Pennsylvania Congressman Bob Brady has anything to do with it.
Brady is sponsoring a bill that would ban “commercials and any other male sexual enhancement product from TV and radio from 6 am to 10 pm.”
Well, isn’t that a kick in the rarely-used balls, huh?
Ryan’s passionate crusade against all things wang-improving stems from this awkward experience:
“I’m watching TV with my two granddaughters and it was a little embarrassing and I think it was bad that they asked me, “What is erectile dysfunction?” And I stumble along and they’re too young to understand it and they’re much too young to learn about the birds and the bees yet….If they’re on a show and you don’t want your kids to see a certain show, you don’t put that show on, but you can’t control when the commercials come on. I think that it’s the wrong place, on a Saturday afternoon and a Sunday afternoon, these shows are dominated [by these commercials].”
Finally, at least someone in D.C. has their priorities in the right place. Who cares about the economy, the environment and all those issues only “special interest groups” care about?
Dontrelle Willis is returning to the Detroit Tigers’ major league roster and the plan is for him to pitch next Wednesday against the Minnesota Twins.
As you may or may not recall, the Tigers placed Willis on the disabled list on March 29th, citing Anxiety Disorder as the reason.
Best of luck to Dontrelle as he continues his recovery – but if you see him starting to dig a hole on the pitcher’s mound for a place to hide, bust out the straitjacket, because Dontrelle just stamped his ticket to Crazytown.
Dontrelle Willis to return to Tigers, pitch next week [USA Today/AP]
Dontrelle Willis Has ‘Anxiety Disorder‘ [MLB Fanhouse]
Actually, a more-fitting way to put it would be, “If a douche shoots vinegar and water and there is no vagina to clean, does that mean it didn’t squirt?”
You know, because Jose Canseco is a douche. Get it?
Wait, that doesn’t make any sense at all.
Just enjoy the photo.
[H/T Big League Stew]
• Hextall454 breaks down that NHL Portal commercial with Zapruder-like intensity. [Melt Your Face Off]
• Cal Ripken text messages while attending baseball games. He must be texting his BFF Costner. [Bugs & Cranks]
• Sooze says Ryan Zimmerman of the Washington Nationals is an animal. Can’t argue with that. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Wysh takes a closer look at Versus’ coverage of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. As always, he’s spot on. [Puck Daddy]
• Finally, a Phillies fan gets knockedthefuckout. [H/T Busted Coverage]
Troy Lee Neel, a former first basemen and designated hitter for the Oakland Athletics from 1992-1994, has a new claim to fame: the State of Texas’ worst “Deadbeat Dad.”
Troy Lee Neel, accused of owing more than $760,000 in child support, entered the plea to traveling abroad to avoid paying child support. U.S. District Judge Xavier Rodriguez set sentencing for June 18. Neel, who disputes the total owed, faces up to two years in federal prison.
$760,000? How in the hell do you end up owing that much money for child support?
Neel owes more than $763,000, dating to November 1998, for support of his two children, according to Abbott. That year, Neel was ordered to pay $5,000 a month in support, a number based on his earnings as a professional athlete.
Assistant U.S. Attorney Bud Paulissen, who is prosecuting Neel, said the principal amount of the debt is more than $300,000; the rest is interest accrued over a decade.
That’s a crazy amount of interest, man. He might as well have named his kids “Visa” and “Master Card” considering the interest he owes.
Apparently, Neel was living high on the hog in some place called Vanuatu, an island betwen Fiji and Australia. While living there, he purchased Erakor Island Resort, where he was reportedly “a popular figure”, according to the Vanuatu Daily Post newspaper – I’m sure he regaled the residents with astounding tales of how he cheated his ex-wife and kids out of the money they rightly deserved from him. People living in the Southern Hemisphere are suckers for stories about shithead asshole parents, so I’ve heard – I believe it might have something to do with their toilets flushing in the opposite direction or something.
But hey, I’m no behavioral ecologist, if there is such a thing. If not, count me as the first one. Nobel Prize, here I come!
Worst ‘deadbeat dad’ pleads guilty [San Antonio Express News]
Former A’s player Troy Neel pleads guilty after owing $700K in child support [Sporting News/AP]
The Miami Dolphins will formally announce today at a private event at their stadium that they have formed a partnership with Jimmy Buffett to name their field Landmark Stadium.
Buffett, best known for his hit, “Margaritaville“, has parlayed the song into a multi-million dollar corporate empire, eponymously named after the tune. Among the investments is Landmark Lager, a beer brewed by Anheuser-Busch.
It may seem like a silly idea at first, but aligning themselves with Buffett, who is good friends with Dolphins owner Stephen Ross, is a shrewd business move – you can’t swing a dead cat in the summer without being within hearing distance of that goddamn song.
I may have been joking with the title of this post, but it is true that the Dallas Cowboys have yet to secure naming rights to their new billion dollar stadium. Why not get in touch with Sammy Hagar? I’m sure he would be willing to listen as long as he’s not out on the road not being able to drive 55.
Personally, if I were the Dolphins, I would have went with Lido Stadium – I am aware that Boz Scaggs doesn’t have any products named after his classic song, but just try naming another tune that gets the party started as well as “Lido Shuffle.”
Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Dolphins’ home will be renamed Landshark Stadium in deal with Buffett [NFL.com]
New Dallas Cowboys stadium may not have naming deal for ’09 [The Dallas Morning News]
[Official Site of Cabo Wabo Tequila]
Police have traced the death threat made against Alexander Ovechkin on a message board to some 17-year old kid from Chambersburg, Pennsylvania.
The obviously in-way-over-his-head teenager posted this message:
“I’m going to kill Ovechkin. I don’t care if I go to jail.”
Not the best choice, certainly. But no fear, the police have spoken with the boy and confiscated his computer.
State police investigators will be downloading the hard drive on that computer and are in contact with the district attorney to determine what charges will be filed.
I understand the authorities have to take this sort of stuff seriously, but I think – no – I hope – the kid was simply spouting off and had no real intent of acting on his threat.
But who knows anymore in this crazy world?
One thing I do know: for some reason, something about the “I don’t care” line in his statement reminds me of Jesus Quintana when he goes off about changing the day of the league playoff and it sadly makes me chuckle a bit.
“Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!”
Police trace Ovechkin death threat to 17-year-old boy [Sports Illustrated/AP]
Fan Allegedly Threatened Ovechkin On Message Board [KDKA]
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. Martin Havlat tied the score late in the third period and Andrew Ladd tipped in a Dave Bolland shot in overtime as the Blackhawks beat the Canucks in the United Center 2-1 to even up the series at 2 games apiece. Red Wings coach Mike Babcock switched up his lines, pairing Johan Franzen, Valtteri Filppula and Marian Hossa and it paid off as the three combined for four goals as Detroit took it to Anaheim 6-3 to even up their series 2-2 as well. [NHL.com Scoreboard]
• NBA Playoffs. LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers are now a perfect 6-0 in the playoffs after easily handling the Atlanta Hawks by a score of 105-85 – Cleveland now leads the series 2-0. [NBA.com]
• MLB Scoreboard. Mark Buehrle was dominating, carrying a perfect game into the into the 7th inning and only yielding one hit through eight as the White Sox blanked the Detroit Tigers 6-0. The Red Sox tied a modern major league record by scoring 12 runs in an inning before making in an out in their 13-3 rout of the Indians. Alfonso Soriano connected on two home runs as the Cubs beat the Astros 8-5. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• McBurgertown was a little low on ground beef this week. A cow escaped from a New York slaugtherhouse Wednesday and wandered into Queens before Animal Control captured it. Unfortunately, the cow will have to be returned to the slaughterhouse from where it escaped if they claim it. Otherwise, it will be turned over to a sanctuary. Expect PETA to be all over this one. Why? Because they’re annoying media whores, that’s why. [MSNBC/AP]
