Archive for May, 2009
Quick programming note: once again, this weekend, I will be doing my very best to fulfill as many Minnesota stereotypes as possible. I’ve loaded up the iPod with The Replacements, Hüsker Dü, Prince and Information Society, prepared some “you betcha” responses for some Ole & Lena jokes, planning on being real nice to everyone I come into contact with and heading up North to do a little bit of fishing. You walleyes better look out because Weed is on the hunt! (walleyes love my blog)
With that said, I’m shutting down S.O.B. a few hours early today and hitting the road. Because of that, there will not be a “It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?” linkdump or a “Stuff To Tune In To And Zone Out On” post today, so you guys are on your own. Don’t fret, I’ll be back on Monday with enough fish to fill up the freezer. I’ll have a fish fry and you are all welcome to stop on by. Just remember, All He Wants To Do Is Fish.
Thanks for reading and many thanks to those of you who linked to posts on S.O.B. You all rule.
Peace and hair grease,
Weed
Cory Cove, a/k/a Sludge and co-host of “The Power Trip Morning Show” (along with former Minnesota Vikings long-snapper Mike Morris), the morning drive-time show on AM 1130 KFAN in the Twin Cities, is sick and tired of being sick and tired of the will he/won’t he drama regarding Brett Favre’s courtship of the Minnesota Vikings, and he’s not going to take it anymore. Cove has taken it to the streets and started an online petition imploring all Minnesotans to sign it to let the Vikings know that they do not want Brett Favre in a Vikings uniform.
For over 17 years, Brett Favre has been the symbol of derision for Minnesota Vikings fans. However, recent reports suggest the aging quarterback may join the team he opposed for most of his career.
For many in the Land of Lakes, this plan is unacceptable. Why should Vikings fans cheer for the very person they hated for so long, even if he does wear Viking purple?
Here’s your chance to be heard! Sign this petition if you would like the Vikings to avoid signing aging quarterback Brett Favre.
Although I guess technically this petition should only be for Vikings fans, it is my opinion that everyone suffers every time a new Brett Favre “update” pollutes the airwaves and websites, so let’s get this number up over Cove’s goal of 100,000 signatures (it’s currently at 75, so there’s plenty of work left to be done). Let democracy do what its intended to do: not make one lick of difference yet let people know how much we can’t stand them!
ONLINE PETITIONS! FUCK YEAH!! Weed is a huge fan of grassroots movements. Heh. Grass.
The Vikings should NOT sign Brett Favre Online Petition [PetitionSpot.com]
Sludge & Lake Show Page [KFAN.com]
The Power Trip Morning Show Page [KFAN.com]
• An ABC graphic during their coverage last night of the “Scripps National Spelling Bee” had “educational” spelled “educatonal.” Who are the graphics wizards who came up with this one? [Awful Announcing]
• The NBC affiliate in Tampa will not be airing Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Who are the programming wizards who came up with this one? [Melt Your Face Off]
• The Top 10 least-loved 2009 MLB promotional giveaways. Who are the promotions wizards who came up with this one? [on 205th via Five Tool Tool]
• Danica Patrick signs man boob in an upcoming commercial. Who are the advertising wizards who came up with this one? [Total Pro Sports]
• Let the controversy begin anew: the second incarnation of the Deadspin Commenter Big Board is up. Who are the Deadspin commenting wizards who came up with this one? [Style Points]
• Finally, a soccer fan simulates doggy-style on a female reporter. Who are the air humping wizards who came up with this one? [H/T Epic Carnival]
Lance Armstrong fell during the 19th stage of the Giro d’Italia, but showing he has a ball of steel, he fixed his bike by changing the rear tire and got right back on to continue the race.
Yep. That’s it.
The only jokes you are getting in this post are “intesticle fortitude” and “ball of steel.” Like it or lump it, which is exactly what Matthew McConaughey says to Lance about how he likes to cuddle after sex.
Okay, there’s another one for you.
/that’s what Lance said
Armstrong falls during Giro, gets back on bike [Yahoo!/AP]
Lori Shepler/Los Angeles Times
You have got to be kidding me, right? Is Frank McCourt insane or did he recently bump his head while counting his bricks of gold? It simply does not make any sense – why would the owner of the Dodgers want all that publicity for his team at a nationally-televised event that millions upon millions of people watch? When asked what his thoughts were regarding the possibility of Manny Ramirez appearing in the All-Star Game, the Dodgers owner had this to say:
“Do I want to see him? Sure, if he gets voted in. It’d be a great honor.”
McCourt said that ultimately whether Ramirez is voted in or not is completely up to the fans and their misguided and frequently incorrect opinions on who should and who should not be in the All-Star Game. When told where Manny was in the voting, McCourt said:
“The fans are going to make up their own minds about this. I think fans think for themselves and they’re entitled to do that.”
The same way fans are entitled to show up at Dodgers games in the 4th inning, as long as they paid full price for their tickets, right Frank?
Frank McCourt has no problem with Manny Ramirez playing in All-Star game [Los Angeles Times]
Once again proving that in this cosmic dance we call life that douched entities attract douched entities (it’s Science, people!), a company led by San Diego Charger and steroid-user Shawne Merriman has sued a company led in part by Grand Poohbah of Dukedom Christian Laettner for “failing to abide by terms of a $3 million loan.” According to a report in the Charlotte News Observer:
• NBA Playoffs. LeBron James scored 17 points in the 4th quarter and had 37 points total, 14 rebounds and 12 assists and loudmouth Mo Williams, who guaranteed the Cavaliers would win the series, added 24 points in Cleveland’s 112-102 victory over the Orlando. The Magic were able to erase a 22 point defecit, but James was too strong down the stretch, either scoring or assisting on 29 of Cleveland’s 34 points in the 4th quarter. Orlando still holds a 3-2 series lead heading back home for Game 6 on Saturday night. [NBA.com]
• MLB Roundup. Victor Martinez drove in both runs as Cleveland defeated Tampa Bay 2-1 for a four-game series sweep. Luke Scott had two homers and four RBI in Baltimore’s 5-1 win over Detroit. The Dodgers beat the Cubs 2-1, Chicago is now 2-8 in their last 10 games. Arizona beat Atlanta 5-2 and Boston beat Minnesota 3-1. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• If only the MLB could somehow suspend the voices in his head. Carlos Zambrano’s epic meltdown, where he threw a baseball, slammed his glove and beat the ever-living crap out of the dugout drink dispenser, netted him a six-game suspension and a $3,000 fine. “I think I’m a pretty good jdugeo fwhen you make a mistake, whey you do something wrong, you have to pay for it,” Zambano said. The Crazy is standing next to Carlos, in silent lucidity. Yeah. [Chicago Tribune]
• In Russia, cats and dogs take care of you! A 5-year-old girl in the Eastern Siberian city of Chita was found living among only cats and dogs her entire life, was taken into care by Russian police. “The unwashed girl was dressed in filthy clothes, had the clear attributes of an animal and jumped at people,” a report said, and according to police, “she appears to be about 2-years-old, though her real age is five, refuses to eat with a spoon and has taken on many of the gestures of the animals with which she lived,” and “[w]hen carers leave the room, the girl jumps at the door and barks.” A sad story, but she’s a shoo-in for Brett Michael’s Rock of Love 18: Someone To Change My Diaper, so that’s good. [Yahoo!/Reuters]
Attention, attention all party people: you better get your tickets right frickin’ now since only a limited number are left available, because the 2009 NHL Awards Show on June 18th at the Palms Hotel in Las Vegas is going to be off the hook, y’all! Check out this list of performers:
Award-winning multi-platinum recording artist Robin Thicke and Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Chaka Khan will perform. The NHL Awards house band will be led by Saturday Night Live bandleader Katreese Barnes. Canadian buzz band Arkells will perform a set at the NHL Awards Party at the Palms Pool and Rain Nightclub following the Awards broadcast.
No friggin’ way! Chaka, Chaka, Chaka, Chaka Khan?
Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan is going to be in the hizzy? Sah-weet! And Robin Thicke? The NHL is big time baby! Ain’t no stopping them now, because whenever I think of the great Canadian sport, I think of Chaka Khan and Alan Thicke. And did you know that the lead singer of the Arkells name is Noahell? Okay, that might not be true, but I bet their hip, happening and what’s now!
• NBA Playoffs. Game 6, Eastern Conference Finals, Orlando Magic at Cleveland Cavaliers. It’s LeBron’s Last Stand tonight in Cleveland, which is kind of like Custer’s Last Stand except that in the future, the Cavaliers’ epic choke job will contain far more revisionist history. [TNT, 8:30 ET]
• It’s On Like Donkey Kong Or Whatever The Kids Are Playing These Days. 2009 Scripps National Spelling Bee. Always an entertaining event to watch. Erin Andrews will be there, so that helps, although I bet Erin feels like she’s reporting from one of Gary Glitter’s wet dreams. ♪♪ Ba na na na… Hey!!! Ba na na ♪♪ [ABC, 8:00 ET]
• UEFA Champions League Soccer. Replay of Barcelona vs. Manchester United. Is it finally safe to talk about this match without the soccer fiends getting all pissy if someone even dares to discuss it? “Hey! I’m TiVo-ing it, jerk! No spoilers!” [ESPN2, 8:30 ET]
• Basic Cable Movie of the Night. Grease. The 1978 classic, long before Oliva Newton-John killed her boyfriend and John Travolta’s son died in an “accident.” I think we all know what went down – it was the Scientologists, of course. Or Travolta’s gay lover. One of the two. [VH1, 8:30 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (May 28th)
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• ESPN’s Lee Corso suffered a mild stroke but appears that he will be fine and back raring and ready to go for another season of college football coverage on the Leader. Nevertheless, thoughts and prayers go out to Lee, his friends and family, and most importantly, his merkin. [Sports Media Watch]
• Punte finally gets around to discussing the tragic death of Mike Tyson’s child in his own unique way. [With Leather]
• Ron Artest posts a video on his blog to tell the NBA on TNT guys to LEAVE HIM ALONE!1!!!!11!! [Ball Don't Lie]
• Pacman Jones fights some guy on Pros vs. Joes [FirstCuts]
• Business_Socks helps expand the legend of an S.O.B. favorite, Chris “Birdman” Andersen. [Style Points]
Nathan Baggaley, once an Olympic kayaker for Australia (he won two silver medals in the Athens Olympics in 2004) and former world champion faces up to 20 years in prison for his involvement in the production and distribution of ecstasy. Baggaley “pleaded guilty to the sale of 1,509 tablets in late 2007.”
And what, you didn’t like my attempt at kayaking humor in the title of the post? How about this one? His soon-to-be determined cellmate hopes Baggaley is a bottom, because he enjoys it best when he “sits on top.” Still no good? Okay, one more. Hey, I don’t know what a “spray skirt” is, but Baggaley might want to consider trading a couple cartons of smokes for one – a good old fashioned prison bukkake ain’t for the faint for heart.
Hey, you can’t say I didn’t give it a good effort.
Olympic kayaker faces jail term over drug charges [Yahoo!/AP]
Alexei Ramirez has been sued for $20 million for allegedly violating a contract he signed with Dominican talent scouts prior to him signing a major league contract.
In documents presented to the prosecutors office in the Peravia judicial district — located 40 miles southeast of the Dominican capital — Ramirez and his agent Jaime Torres are accused of owing Julio Martinez and Ramon Fernandez $450,000 from a signing bonus.
The plaintiffs are also asking for an additional $131,156, which represents 5 percent of Ramirez’s income from two years in the majors, the documents say.
The $20 million claim is for damages and violating the contract.
So, they’re asking for $19.5 million in damages? That doesn’t seem excessive at all. They must have retained the same attorney Billy Gillispie is using.
Attempts to reach Ramirez’s attorney, Jesus Mercedes, were unsuccessful.
Now that’s a name you can hang your hat on – not like my fucking loser of an attorney, Vishnu LeCar – no good lazy bastard – he stalls every time I call him and ask how my case is going. I don’t care, with or without Mr. LeCar, I’m going to get that Shamwow cocksucker if it’s the last thing I do.
White Sox’s Ramirez sued for $20M in Dominican [CBS Sports]
• Erin Andrews would like to be on Dancing With the Stars. Huh. She never responded to my inquiry about whether she would like to be on my cable access show, Diddling With My White Dwarf. [The Sporting Blog]
• Video of a fan giving the ref the double-middle finger during last night’s Blackhawks-Red Wings game. [Total Pro Sports]
• A bunch of bloggers were invited to watch an Orioles game at Camden Yards from a luxury box. Were Bagel Bites provided? All I’m saying is there better have been Bagel Bites up in that luxury box. [Can't Stop The Bleeding]
• Wysh provides his thoughts on the whole Stanley Cup Finals scheduling hoopla. [Puck Daddy]
• Upstart blog The Rookies already have an ombudsman. They’re going places, baby! [The Rookies]
Joe Paterno, never afraid to stir the controversy pot in between bouts of pants-shitting and his struggles with onion-belt tying, said that he believes the Big Ten should expand to twelve teams, just as long as those damned Notre Dame Fighting Irish are kept out.
“If I had my choice, someone that can give us the biggest TV exposure in the East,” Paterno said, offering as possibilities “Syracuse, Pitt, Rutgers. Not in that order.”
Paterno then proceeded to enjoy his favorite lunch: grilled cheese, tomato soup and a cup of weak tea while watching a few episodes of Gunsmoke. Sounds nice.
Paterno: Big Ten should expand, but not with Notre Dame [USA Today/AP]
(AP Photo/Chris O'Meara)
Disgraced former University of Kentucky men’s basketball coach Bill Gillispie has sued the university, contending that his dismissal was without cause.
He contends that under that memorandum, he should be paid $1.5 million a year for four of the five years left on the deal. The suit also asks for an undisclosed amount of punitive damages, attorneys’ fees, court costs and interest.
One problem exists for Gillispie: in the two years he coached at Kentucky, he never signed the dang contract. Oops.
