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Scandal-Plagued Japan Sumo Association To Begin Random Drug Testing

eric_cartman_beefcakeShowing that no athletic competition is safe anymore from the spectre of drug use looming over it and bringing into question the integrity of the sport, the Japan Sumo Association has implemented random drug testing to ensure strict adherence to sumo wrestling’s new anti-doping rules.

Several top wrestlers, including grand champion Asashoryu of Mongolia, were given urine tests by Mitsubishi Chemical Medience Corp., Japan’s only institution certified by world anti-doping agency WADA. The results will be disclosed at a later date.

Despite the evidence indicating otherwise, I’m somewhat surprised that sumo wrestling has a performance-enhancing drug problem. What are they testing for – Weight Gain 4000?

In January, second-division wrestler Wakakirin was arrested on suspicion of possessing marijuana, becoming the first Japanese wrestler to be arrested in a marijuana case and the latest to be exiled from the sumo world.

Ohhhhh. It all makes perfect sense now. Can you imagine how many bags of Doritos an average-sized sumo wrestler could put back after a few bong rips? That’ll keep their weight up.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I suddenly have a hankering for Taco Bell. What do you mean they’re probably not open yet? I guess I’ll have to sit and wait in the parking lot – again.

Japan Sumo Association begins random doping tests after series of drug-related scandals (Associated Press) [Star Tribune]

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