Archive for April, 2009
I Guess He Ain’t So “Lucky” Anymore
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Jack Lohrke, nicknamed “Lucky” for his uncanny ability to cheat death at a young age, had his luck finally run out on him, as he passed away Wednesday at the age of 85 after suffering a stroke two days earlier.
Lohrke, a career .242 batter, had 22 home runs and 96 RBIs in 353 career games with the New York Giants and Philadelphia Phillies, didn’t like to talk about the past. His son said his father “wasn’t a talker or a boaster or a storyteller.”
His son also maintains that Lohrke didn’t much like the nickname because “[i]t reminded him of too many things.”
• NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs. After a one-night hiatus, the NHL is back, baby! Game 1 in the Western Conference Semifinals – Chicago Blackhawks at Vancouver Canucks. No love lost between these two teams. Both squads will give 110%. Additional sports cliche. [Versus, 9:00 ET]
• NBA Playoffs. Boston Celtics at Chicago Bulls, Game 6 (7:00 ET). Chicago needs this one to force a Game 7 back in Boston. Watch Kevin Garnett mug, talk smack and act like a genuine, Grade A douchebag. It’s fun! After that, Portland Trailblazers at Houston Rockets (9:30 ET). It’s do or die for Portland. [TNT]
• World’s Strongest Man Competition Marathon. Four hours of…I don’t know…what the hell do they do? I guess I’ll never know – I ain’t watching it. [ESPN2, 8:00 ET]
• Must-See TV. New episodes of The Office and 30 Rock. Be sure to watch lest you be alienated and mocked at the water cooler tomorrow – at least more than usual, freak. [NBC, 8:00 ET]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (April 30th)
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• Bob Uecker don’t Tweet – unless it somehow involves furries, that is. [Big League Stew]
• Why in the holy hell do the Capitals have a male cheerleader? This aggression against our rights as misogynists will not stand. [SPORTSbyBROOKS]
• Weight-loss guru Jenny Craig has a horse that is racing in the Kentucky Derby named Chocolate Candy. Darren Rovell would like suggestions for a different name. I would suggest Kirstie Alley, but horses and pigs are two different animals entirely. [Sports Biz with Darren Rovell]
• Joel Zumaya hates the Yankees – maybe it’s Guitar Hero-related. [MLB Fanhouse]
• Flyers goalie Marty Brion, pictured below, doesn’t care much for Sidney Crosby, or so it would appear. [Philly Pfaithful, via Puck Daddy]
When is the madness going to end? Two Greek weightlifters have been suspended for testing positive for a banned stimulant during the country’s national games by the Greek Weightlifting Federation.
The first two weightlifters, Giorgos Papadopoulos and Christina Filandrianou, were handed a two-year ban.
Papadopolous? Now is this the sort of example he should be setting for Webster? (Note: I cannot distinguish between reality and horrible 1980′s sitcoms – case in point: I stayed in my room and cried the night of my senior prom because Blair Warner never responded to my letter. It’s tough, but the medication is helping).
But fear not, weightlifting purists (if there is such a thing): Greece vows to root out all evildoers and cheaters:
The federation said it would take stricter action against drug cheats by suspending state funding for clubs whose coaches are involved in doping, and extend unannounced doping tests to include most Greek weightlifters.
To me, weightlifting is a sport that shouldn’t even bother with drug testing. Just let them take whatever they want and let the chips fall where they may. What’s the worst that could happen?
Oh. I see. Well, who cares – it’s entertainment, right?
Greek federation suspends 2 weightlifters for doping, says a 3rd has tested positive [Star Tribune/AP]
Get A Good Look, Ball Boy?
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This kid needs to work on his cleavage-ogling skills. But he’s young, he’ll get better. Obviously, no one has ever told the boy that:
“Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.”
This all could have been easily avoided had his parents bought him the Seinfeld: The 4th Season on DVD for his birthday. But nooooo, his parents got him High School Musical 2. Just because he wrote “I ♥ Vanessa Hudgens” on his Algebra book doesn’t mean he likes the dang movie.
Man, parents just don’t understand.
* many, many thanks to The World of Isaac for the outstanding photo.
Finally, everything’s coming up Gino! Not only was he elected to the College Football Hall of Fame today, he also received the honor of presiding over the opening bell of NASDAQ this morning.
Torretta, the 1992 Heisman Trophy winner when he played for the University of Miami Hurricanes, had a relatively inconsequential pro career after being drafted by the Minnesota Vikings in the seventh round of the 1993 NFL draft. He had stints with the Vikings, Lions, 49ers, Seahawks and Colts before giving up football to pursue a career in the high finance.
According to his official website (do you know how hard it is to get your own “official” website? Believe me, it ain’t easy – that sort of shit is only available to the real movers and shakers of the world – and someone who can afford the GoDaddy registration fee – way out of my league), he still remains active in the football community:
In 2006 he founded Touchdown Radio, nationally broadcasting a college football game of the week. He is also the Manager of Institutional Sales with Gabelli Asset Management.
So even though the whole professional football career gig didn’t pan out for Torretta, it appears Gino is doing just fine, thank you very much. Did he happen to mention that he opened up NASDAQ this morning?
He did? Well, you can hardly blame him. Except for that one time a couple of years ago when someone thought he was that one guy from that one television show that used to be on but people can’t remember the name of it because it was a mid-season replacement and only aired 6 episodes – this was as important as Gino has felt in years.
Heisman winners Brown, Torretta in new Hall class [Associated Press]
New Hall of Famer Torretta opens Nasdaq [Associated Press]
Official Website for Gino Torretta
• Columnists for the Baltimore Sun were fired while they were in the press box. Classy. [The Big Lead]
• The Torquay Tigers, an Australian football team, has photos of Klansmen on their website to promote an “All White Night” at the stadium. First 500 fans through the gates get a complimentary cross to burn. [The Sporting Blog]
• Royals pitcher Zach Greinke was on the cover of Sports Illustrated then gives up first earned run in 43 innings. Was he jinxed? I say yes, but I’m a conspiracy theorist and own many aluminum foil hats. You should come over and see them sometime – just not during a full moon. [Babes Love Baseball]
• Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Erin Andrews and NBA TV’s resident sexpot Melanie Collins work out at the same gym? Just when I gave up exercising – and awkwardly staring at women exercise, which in a way is a workout in itself. [Busted Coverage]
• Video of a Romanian soccer coach beating up one of his players. Oh Romania, you simply delightful backwards country! [Sports Rubbish]
The internets are abuzz with rumors today that NBC will not renew Jerome Bettis’ contract, thereby casting the Detroit native into NFL analyst purgatory and leaving the home of Football Night In America with only 62 on-camera wonks on the payroll to annoy its viewers.
You just know NBC is chomping at the bit to hire a retired “at this time” gunslinger to fill Jerome’s large bowling shoes.
Personally, my thoughts are that NBC is getting rid of the wrong guy. If there’s any member of NBC’s NFL coverage that deserves the heave-ho, it is most definitely Tiki Barber. That smarmy douchetard deserves nothing better than a miserable existence as the “Man About Town” guy for a morning show in Topeka, Kansas where his assignments range from puff pieces on animal husbandry to visits to the Museum of Wheat Germ.
As far as Bettis is concerned, I’m pretty sure he’ll land on his feet somewhere. Wouldn’t he be great as a lane-line reporter on ESPN’s coverage of the PBA? The guy is one helluva bowler.
Jerome Bettis appears to be on his way out at NBC [Watchdog]
Jerome Bettis Reportedly Out At NBC [Awful Announcing]
Jerome Bettis Is From Detroit [Deadspin]
The New Orleans Saints will agree to a lease extension today which will ensure that the team will play in the Superdome through the 2025 season, according to AP sources.
An announcement by Saints owner Tom Benson and Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal has been scheduled for 10 a.m. Thursday at the Superdome.
A person with direct knowledge of lease negotiations confirmed to The Associated Press that a general agreement has been reached and was expected to be signed later in the week after final details have been worked out. The person spoke on condition of anonymity because the team and governor had yet to make the announcement.
This is great news for their fans – as well as for us – because no fan base dresses up as goofy and is as entertaining as as the one currently entrenched in New Orleans.
You have to feel bad for Jayson Williams right now. The former Nets star, who is currently going through a bitter divorce and faces a retrial on manslaughter charges regarding the shooting and death of his chauffeur in 2004, was in possession of a several different drugs when he was tasered after a violent confrontation with police in a Manhattan hotel earlier this week.
• NBA Playoffs Recap. Joe Johnson scored 25 points and the Hawks had a 23 point lead at halftime as Atlanta took a 3-2 series lead by beating Miami 106-91 and Denver didn’t beat New Orleans by 58 but whooped them nonetheless 107-86 to move on to the second round. [NBA.com Scoreboard]
• MLB. It took 43 innings but Royals right-hander Zach Greinke finally gave up an earned run, but the Royals still dominated in a 11-3 rout of the Toronto Blue Jays. Greinke struck out eight to increase his leauge-leading strikeout total to 44. Three shutouts in the National League yesterday, with Milwaukee blanking Pittsburgh 1-0, Cincinnati shutting out Houston 3-0 and Arizona kicking the crap out of Chicago 10-0. [MLB.com Scoreboard]
• Soccer. John O’Shea scored the lone goal as Manchester United notched a 1-0 victory over visiting Arsenal in the first game of the home-and-home UEFA Champions League semifinal. [The New York Times]
• In retrospect, the guy did kind of deserve to get his ass kicked – he was in a Radio Shack. A 52-year old Radio Shack employee has been charged with disorderly conduct and battery charges after punching a man who was attempting to return a product. I would have just told the guy that fuzz busters never really work to begin with. [Yahoo!/AP]
For those of you who didn’t follow the story the first time around and those poor souls who did but suffer from memory loss, the Bemidji State Beavers were the darlings of this year’s NCAA Hockey Tournament. As the 16 seed in a 16-team tournament given little or no chance to make it anywhere, Bemidji State made it to the Semifinals before the dream abruptly ended after a 4-1 loss to Miami (OH). It was impressive run that captured the imagination of not only hockey fans, but all sports fans alike.
Although the dream of a national title ended for the Beavers on that April 9th night, the Beavers have moved on to a new dream: joining a top-notch college hockey conference.
• NBA Playoffs. Game 5s tonight: Miami Heat at Atlanta Hawks (8:00 ET) and New Orleans Hornets at Denver Nuggets (10:30 ET) – try not losing by 50 tonight, New Orleans. [TNT]
• MLB. New York Yankees at Detroit Tigers. I haven’t seen a national broadcast of a Yankees game yet today – cool. [ESPN, 7:00 ET]
• Classic Boxing. George Foreman vs. Evander Holyfield from April, 1991. If I remember correctly, Foreman grills Holyfield’s ear. I know it went something like that. [ESPN2, 10:00 EST]
• I’m going to keep pushing this show until you have no choice but to watch it. Lie To Me: “The group investigates when a cop shoots a potentially innocent teenager; the Lightman group is sued.” A very compelling television program. [FOX, 8:00 EST]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (April 29th)
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• A soccer coach from Bahrain uses his goalie’s SUV to motivate him. Come again? [Total Pro Sports]
• Martin Brodeur probably ain’t feeling on top of the world today. [Simon On Sports]
• Minnesota Vikings quarterback Sage Rosenfels wants #18 but he can’t have it because Sidney Rice won’t give it up, so he went with #2. Good thing he didn’t want #4, he would have had to give that up for Brett Favre. [Access Vikings]
• Chris Collinsworth claims that he was hand-picked by John Madden to replace the retired broadcaster. You just go on believing that, Chris. [Awful Announcing]
