Wake N’ Blog For February 8th: Bribing The Urine Tester? Why Haven’t I Ever Thought Of That?
By · Posted at 8:50 am on Feb. 08 2010 Comments
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Indubitably. Want to make my job easier? Send me some tips, then everyone wins. Except the Indianapolis Colts.
• Oh yeah, now I remember. I have never tried that because there is no way in hell it would work. A Colorado man has been accused of trying to give a cash bribe to a state worker so he could use a Whizzinator for a piss test. Yeah, it didn’t work out, but at least it brought the Whizzinator back into the limelight. That’s awesome. [MSNBC/AP]
• Spoiled sports: Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne reportedly skipped the postgame handshakes. [Pro Football Talk]
• Pete Townshend is just happy to have been part of the spectacle by playing the Super Bowl halftime show. Also, not getting charged with anything related to child pornography. [Yahoo!/AP]
• Videos of drunken fans at Sun Life Stadium are entertaining, informative. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (February 5th)
By · Posted at 4:19 pm on Feb. 05 2010 Comments
• Anyone else interested in taking in some topless bull riding? Anyone? [Out of Bounds]
• In case you were wondering, CBS golf analyst is pulling for Peyton Manning and the Colts this weekend. [Devil Ball Golf]
• Great write-up by fellow Minnesotan and WL contributor Amber Jones lamenting life as a Vikings fan. [With Leather]
• Video of the demolition of the Meadowlands. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
• Washington Capitals goalie Jose Theodore is the latest netminder to have been victimized by some crazy person with a laser pointer. [D.C. Sports Bog]
Mike Piazza AND Mike Sweeney? Screw The Big Game, I’m Watching The Faith Bowl!
By · Posted at 3:30 pm on Feb. 05 2010 Comments
And those goddamn puppies can take a flying leap as well. You wanna know why? Because I gotta have faith. Yes, I’ve gotta have faith, a-faith a- faith, a-faith, I gotta have faith a-faith a-faith….
Bowl!
Who would want to waste time on Sunday watching the monotonous and dull pregame festivities leading up to the Super Bowl when you can spend that time instead watching former major leaguer Mike Piazza, current pro Mike Sweeney and former player Bobby Keppel as they lead a roundtable discussion about Jesus?
Congrats On The Reinstatement, Donte Stallworth, How About Not Running Anyone Else Over, Okay?
By · Posted at 1:50 pm on Feb. 05 2010 Comments
It’s hard to believe it has already been nearly a year since Donte Stallworth’s ill-fated, early morning joyride in Miami – the incident occurred last March 14th – but Roger Goodell stated today that Stallworth will be reinstated by the NFL some time after the Super Bowl after serving a suspension for the entire 2009 season. Stallworth was sentenced to a paltry 30 days behind bars after pleading guilty to a DUI and second degree manslaughter, only serving 24, and was later suspended by the NFL Commissioner on August 13th of last year. By all accounts , it appears Goodell will reinstate the wide receiver sooner rather than later.
Goodell said he met with Stallworth for 45 minutes to an hour before the Dolphins’ final regular-season game in Miami, where Stallworth lives. Goodell added that Stallworth seemed to be remorseful and worthy of reinstatement. Their conversation helped seal the reinstatement, Goodell said. Once Stallworth is re-instated, it will be up to the Browns and new team president Mike Holmgren as to whether the team wants to retain the receiver.
There will much hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth regarding how, it the grand scheme of things, Stallworth managed to avoid a stiffer sentence, both in the judicial system and by the NFL, but it is what it is now. Despite the fact that his conviction and terms of punishment were somewhat clouded by a secretive financial agreement with the victim’s family before a civil trial could be commenced, like it or not, Stallworth has paid his dues, as they were set out for him, and I guess he should be allowed to move on with his life. Although I do hope that his irresponsible actions on that night, while in the past now, continue to haunt him for the rest of his life.
Oh, I’m sorry. Did you need this soapbox? Sometimes I get distracted by my self-righteousness. I believe we can move on now.
Goodell: Suspended WR Stallworth will be reinstated [NFL.com]
Wing Bowl 18 In Philly Appears To Have All The Trappings Of A Rip-Roaring Yet Traumatizing Experience
By · Posted at 12:05 pm on Feb. 05 2010 Comments
Wing, Wing, Wingadelphia! Wing, Wing, Wingadelphia!
Being of the mind and upbringing of the humble, simple-minded folk up here in the Midwest, I have never been out east for the opportunity to experience what by all appearances seems to be the psychologically-scarring experience of attending a Wing Bowl in Philadelphia.
In its 18th year, it appears that the Wing Bowl intends to up the ante every time it comes around – becoming a more drunken, more debaucherous, more scandalous display of all that makes Philadelphia the great city it is reputed to be.
In case you are curious, Jonathan “Super” Squibb successfully defended his title earlier this morning at the Wachovia Center.
Jonathan “Super” Squibb, a skinny 24-year-old from Winslow Township, N.J., ate 238 wings in 30 minutes to set up a wing-off in next year’s event with a previous three-time champion, Joey Chestnut of San Jose, Calif., a professional eater.
Squibb finished three wings short of Chestnut’s record 241 wings in the 2008 event. Wing Bowl, closed the past two years to professional eaters, will welcome them next year, setting up the showdown.
Super Squibb, as he is known, got off to a torrid pace, eating 126 wings in the opening 14-minute round, on his way to slamming his 28 competitors, including Not Rich, Cheesecake Beefcake and Hot Pockets.
With nicknames like that, you have to assume these guys are real stand-up fellas.
Since photos will paint a better picture than any words I can come up with to illustrate what exactly transpired in Philly this morning, I have taken the liberty of preparing a photo essay by culling a few photos from the event from Philly.com. Of course, there are many, many more photos to be seen, and you can find those here and here. You can also see footage of interviews from the event, featuring porn star Mary Carey and Sex for World Series tickets hoochie-mama Susan Finkelstein here.
After the jump, what I found to be the most, um, illustrative photos from the event. Enjoy, but you’ve been warned.
Minnesota Vikings Fans Are A Bunch Of Damn Rubes
By · Posted at 9:55 am on Feb. 05 2010 Comments
And why the hell not, right? We Minnesotans have nothing else to do while we are waiting for a polar bear to fall into the trap that we crudely constructed out of Miller Lite bottles and Prince albums outside our igloos. Sadly, I suppose you should count me among the huddled, freezing masses.
So, how does (yet another) heartbreaking loss in the NFC Championship Game a couple of weeks ago unite Vikings fans into spending $650.00 to purchase a week’s worth of advertising space on a billboard in Hattiesburg, Mississippi that implores Brett Favre to return to play for the Purple next season? Of course, with all grass roots efforts these days, we can thank Facebook.
Question: Which Star Of ‘The Office’ Just Tweeted Smack About The Saints?
By · Posted at 9:05 am on Feb. 05 2010 Comments
Rainn Wilson, that’s who. Preach on, Mr. Wilson. Preach on.
Being a native of Seattle, Washington, I am having trouble determining the reason behind Wilson’s anti-New Orleans stance, so I’m just going to go with his mother got mixed up in Voodoo and once tried to sell him for magic powder. But I will support Rainn Wilson’s right to his opinion. So go forth and tweet, my good man.
Also, don’t make any more crappy movies. Thanks.
Wake N’ Blog For February 5th: To Win Back Boyfriend, Desperate Woman Desires Surgery To Look More Like Jessica Alba
By · Posted at 8:45 am on Feb. 05 2010 CommentsWake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. I play my music loud because you know it’s got clout to it. It’s a trip it’s got a funky beat and I can bug out to it.
• The girl is already completely devoid of talent, so she’s already halfway there, in a way. A 21-year-old Chinese woman who only gave her name as Xiaoqing is willing to go through plastic surgery to make her look more like the starlet just so she can get back her douchebag 28-year-old boyfriend, who is totally obsessed with Alba. “When I broke up with my boyfriend, I was very sad,” she told Reuters at the Shanghai Time Plastic Surgery Hospital which has agreed to help her fulfill her wish. “My friends… kept consoling me but it did not work, so they suggested I do plastic surgery to look like her (Jessica Alba).” Jeez, with friends like that, who needs radical plastic surgery?
Photo of the poor gal after the jump.
Brooklyn Decker Swimsuit Photo, That Is All
By · Posted at 5:00 pm on Feb. 04 2010 Comments
Above, courtesy of Extra Mustard, is a sneak peek of one of the photos of Brooklyn Decker that will grace the pages of this year’s SI Swimsuit Issue.
Be sure to make appropriate arrangements and clear your calendar, because the 2010 collection launches on February 9th on SI.com.
And just so you know, I feel no need whatsoever to justify or defend my motivation for publishing this sublime photo that serves as a glorious testament to the wonder, grace and beauty that is the female form. Good day, sir.
[H/T Extra Mustard]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute? (February 4th)
By · Posted at 4:19 pm on Feb. 04 2010 Comments• Any post that has “Wendy Nix Cleavage Action” in its title gets top billing at this here blog. [Busted Coverage]
• Behold, the Kim Kardashian NASCAR auto. [Out of Bounds]
• Good stuff: it is reported here that a Washington Capitals dancer stated that her favorite book is “Facebook.” Lordy. [Mr. Irrelevant]
• Chad Ochocinco wants Tiger Woods to be a condom pitchman. [You Been Blinded]
• LOLNFL: indeed, bye weeks do suck. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Remember that nightmare fuel that was the Punxatawnee Polamalu commercial?Well, truTV has some behind-the-scenes footage that only makes it more terrifying. [P.S.A.M.P.]
