It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
By · Comments
• Kid wins golf tournament, disqualifies himself after discovering he had one too many clubs in his bag. [Out of Bounds]
• Manny Ramirez will reportedly be sans-dreads soon enough. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The ladies just can’t get enough of Roger Federer’s chocolate balls. [With Leather]
• Saints coach Sean Payton might have a bit of problem with his Juicy Fruit addiction. [TAUNTR]
• Interesting Nyjer Morgan brawl-overexcited Japanese announcer mashup. [Big League Stew]
• Reggie Bush’s girlfriend has been offered $1 million to appear in a porno. [Ted Williams Head]
• A-Rod has reportedly dropped Scott Boras as his agent. But these two d-bags were perfect for each other! [The Slanch Report]
• Keep that Jersey Shore bulls**t out of my hockey! [Puck Daddy]
• Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder filmed a Papa John’s commercial together. Then they totally made out. So I heard. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• Be on the lookout for Russian Dracula at the FIBA World Championship. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• In honor of Chris Chelios’ retirement, MYFO digs into its archives for an oldie but a goodie. [Melt Your Face Off]
• If you want, you can buy 2,750 Wheaties boxes on eBay for $10,000. [Busted Coverage]
• Butter Chicken visits the gym, points out everything that is wrong with going to the gym. [Food Court Lunch]
• The top 10 ways to get people to care about tennis. [Five Tool Tool]
• Time for another edition of KSK’s Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Sorry, I’m Just Really Bad With Names And Faces Of People Who Are Not Attractive And Can’t Help Advance My Career
Send tips, links, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
As a person who finds the “sport” competitive eating to be a completely ridiculous endeavor, I do not regularly make mention of it here at the Sportress, but a quote from America’s No. 1-ranked competitive eater – according to the International Federation of Competitive Eating, which is the Grand Poobah of competitive eating federations – really was a rib-tickler, so to speak.
And for those of you who are interested, Chestnit won the Best in the West Nugget Rib Cook-off’s eating competition in Sparks, Nevada by eating eight pounds of pork ribs – sans bones, I hope – in 12 minutes. Congratulations, Mr. Chestnut, on a job…done.
But on to the quote (via KOLO-TV):
“I get in the rhythm,” Chestnut explained. “I try to get everything in my hands, my jaw, and my esophagus to the muscles in my abdomen to work together. To push the food down and I got into a good rhythm today. The food was setting deep inside me–quickly.”
What the heck? That’s some illustrative analysis right there. Is it just me, or if one were to take the word “food” out of that quote and replace it with, um, some other term (I’m pretty sure you know where I am going with this without me explaining it), and the act of competitive eating takes on an entirely different meaning, does it not?
Rib-Eating Competition Draws Thousands [KOLO-TV]
And Matt Lauer just sat there and laughed and laughed and egged the old lady on. Because in case you did not know, everybody who works on Today cannot stand that woman. At least that’s how it plays out in my depraved mind. Anybody else? No? Huh.
But seriously, that lady frightens me. I have now peered into the eyes of madness and they were framed by a sombrero worn by Crazy Old Cowboys Superfan Lady.
An enlightening dissection of the condition afflicting Crazy Old Cowboys Superfan Lady can be found over at Joe Sports Fan. Well done, gents.
A “Super Fan” Arrives at Times Square [Joe Sports Fan]
Much like TBS did last year when they picked Bon Jovi as the band du jour for the network’s coverage of the 2009 MLB Playoffs, TBS has once again dug deep into dregs of marginally tolerable music and selected Kid Rock’s song “Born Free” as the official anthem of the 2010 MLB Playoffs, and are we not all thrilled by their decision. I, for one, cannot wait to have this goddamn song drilled into my head eleventy billion times.
The video, featuring clips of Kid Rock, doing whatever it is he does interspersed with MLB footage – if you cannot wait to see it played ad nauseum in between promos for Conan’s new show, which will also pummel your subconscious into submission – can be found right here.
But why Kid Rock (pictured above with Red Sox manager Terry Francona, Eschewer of Shirts) you ask? It’s simple, really. Turner Broadcasting wanted to select a musical act that is at least 5 years past their prime as well as annoy music purists like myself who are just waiting for somebody to give Boz Scaggs a chance – it’s all that’s standing between the Boz and a Tom Jones-like career renaissance. Just kidding. According to a statement issued by Turner, it’s all about synergy, folks. Via the Detroit Free Press:
Hoo boy, I cannot wait. Do you know what else I can’t wait for? Next year to see who TBS pulls out of their ass to be the official has-been of the 2011 MLB Playoffs. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pulling for the Black Eyed Peas. It’s high time those guys catch a break.
Kid Rock’s ‘Born Free’ to be MLB playoffs theme [Detroit Free Press]
Get Ready To Get Sick Of Conan O’Brien [Walkoff Walk]
(previously at the Sportress: Hey TBS, Go F**k Yourself)
Publishers these days. They give you $140,000 for an advance on a book and then a measly three years after a 130,000-word manuscript was promised to them, they start getting all pissy about not having it. The nerve of those bastards.
But that is the predicament involving Yahoo! NBA columnist Adrian Wojnarowski, a best-selling writer for his 2005 book, The Miracle of St. Anthony: A Season with Coach Bob Hurley and Basketball’s Most Improbable Dynasty, has been sued by Penguin Group in a Manhattan federal court as the publisher seeks to recoup the $140K advanced to slacker for a book about college basketball coaching legend Jim Valvano, tentatively entitled, Jimmy V: The Life and Death of Jim Valvano. Well, at least he had the title – sometimes, that’s the hardest part.
The manuscript was supposed to be in Penguin Group’s hands on August 1, 2007, and when Wojnarowski failed to produce it, the original $400,000 deal was cut to $325,000. Letters were sent by the publisher and were allegedly ignored by Wojnarowski, something the writer blames on, of course, a “miscommunication.”
Via the New York Post:
Wojnarowski blamed the suit on “a miscommunication between my agent and me,” saying: “if they had given him a warning, he had not passed it on to me.”
“I had no idea it had gotten to that point,” he said. “I’m literally sending them the money today.”
Wojnarowski said he did “a great deal of reporting” for the Valvano bio, but that “the demands of my job at Yahoo! made it diffcult [sic] for me to finish it.”
All that work for nothing. An attorney for Penguin insists that the lawsuit will be dropped once the money is returned, but even if this was simply an oversight by Wojnarowski and his agent, what an embarrassing situation. At least he still has the money and didn’t spend it on whores and alcohol, like I did with the advance I received for my unfinished biography about the life and times of, oddly enough, ’80s pop culture phenomenon Yahoo Serious. Now there’s a tale that needs to be told.
Sportswriter sued over failure to deliever Valvano bio [New York Post]
By no means am I taking a shot at the wonderful work Sears can do in the area of family portrait photos – it’s a great photo and his sons look adorable – but one would suspect that LeBron James has the means to hire a high-profile photographer to take a heartwarming snapshot of he and his brood. You know, like Annie Lebovitz or, um, Ansel Adams? Is that dude still alive? He’s not? Well I guess I don’t know many high-profile photographers then. In any event, at least those people wouldn’t have selected poop brown for the background color.
Even more compelling than the questionable aesthetic choices made by the photog is the caption LeBron contributed to the uploaded photo:
My inspiration equals My Next Generation. Father&Role Model
He’s like a poet and he doesn’t even know it. But I must warn you about capitalizing “Next Generation”, LeBron: Gene Roddenberry’s estate is going to be all over your ass for that one.
Be that as it may, that is a pretty smarmy little caption right there. And what’s the deal with the trophies? The ego on that guy! At least I displayed a modicum of class and scheduled a separate appointment for the photos I did posing with my bowling league trophy. And I had the good sense to go to JC Penny for my shoot. Sears is so bourgeois, am I right?
[image]
Adult contemporary music enthusiasts in New England were on the receiving end of some bad news passed along yesterday Pawtucket Red Sox public relations man Bill Wanless when he announced that the Kenny Loggins concert at McCoy Stadium on Saturday has had to be rescheduled because of weather concerns associated with Hurricane Earl. The concert, featuring the Boston Pops, will instead take place on September 10th.
Word on the street is once Loggins heard about the potential for inclement weather, he suggested to everyone that they better cut loose, footloose, and avoid the area entirely. According to one insider, Loggins picked up his acoustic guitar and broke the news to the band, roadies and entourage as follows:
I’d say it was the right time
To walk away
When dreaming takes you nowhere
It’s not time to play
Weather’s working overtime
The money don’t matter
The clock keeps ticking
When a hurricane’s on your mind
I will freely admit that this story had little to do with sports, other than the concert is going to be at a minor league ballpark and was reported by ESPN Boston, but I would have been crazy to pass up the opportunity to make some Kenny Loggins references. My only wish would have been that Eddie Rabbit had been the opening act.
Okay, I’m done with my nostalgic journey back into the halcyon days of late 70s soft rock for now. This is it. Seriously.
PawSox reschedule Pops concert [ESPN Boston]
Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, links and pornographic sonnets to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
• That’s it! I’m moving to Russia! Russia’s finance minister Alexei Kudrin has implored his nation’s citizens to drink more alcohol and smoke more cigarettes as a means to help revive the country’s staggered economy. “If you smoke a pack of cigarettes, that means you are giving more to help solve social problems such as boosting demographics, developing other social services and upholding birth rates. People should understand: Those who drink, those who smoke are doing more to help the state.” Ha. Upholding birth rates by drinking more. Ain’t that the truth. [Yahoo!/AFP]
• This just in: people still hate LeBron. [Out of Bounds]
• Attendance at NFL games expected to drop to the lowest point in 10 years. I hope the owners can somehow scrape by. [Larry Brown Sports]
• The Big Ten announced its divisions yesterday and despite not being in the same division, traditional rivals Michigan and Ohio State will still play each other every year. [With Leather]
• Rob Dibble discusses his s**tcanning by MASN. [D.C. Sports Bog]
• The nine greatest motivational football speeches. [Busted Coverage]
• Here’s a sneak peak at the lovely Pauly Creamer’s brand spanking new calendar. Heh. Spank. [Waggle Room]
• The five best moments from episode four of Hard Knocks. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• Andy Roddick has once again lost way too early in a big tournament… [Bob's Blitz]
• But how bad can it be when he gets to go home to Brooklyn Decker. Crap, I would intentionally do things to get disqualified to get back to that young lady. [Friends of the Program]
• The Onion Headline of the Day: Man Arriving Early To Party To Walk Up And Down Street For 10 Minutes
Hoo boy.
I’m sure Serbian tennis player Viktor Troicki is profoundly disappointed that he lost a hard-fought first round match (6-3 3-6 2-6 7-5 6-3) to fellow countryman Novak Djokovic at the U.S. Open earlier today. And I am sure that he is extremely exhausted after playing in the sweltering, oppressive heat which baked both players and fans at Arthur Ashe Stadium this afternoon.
But all is not lost. After all, Troicki is ranked 45th in the world while Djokovic was ranked 3rd, so it was not like Troicki suffered a huge letdown or anything. And much, much, much more important than even that is the fact that Troicki gets to return to his air conditioned hotel room and seek solace in the fact that he is dating the piece of eye candy pictured above and below, stunning Serbian model Suncica Travica. Heck, she might even be at his hotel right now, consoling him after taking cell phone photos of herself, which apparently is one of Travica’s favorite pastimes. Not that I’m complaining of course. People should have hobbies, right?
[H/T The Slanch Report]
It’s 4:19, You Gotta Minute?
By · Comments• Caught on tape: Iowa lineman hit by truck while riding a moped. I guess the old saying is true about the similarities between a moped and a fat chick: they are both fun to ride until you get hit by truck. Wait. That’s not it, is it? [Out of Bounds]
• Yay! The triumphant return of NSFWednesday! [Melt Your Face Off]
• Mark Sanchez is a Justin Bieber fan? You know, that would probably make a lot of sense if you took the time to think about it, which I won’t. [Larry Brown Sports]
• Holy crap, it’s gotten so bad for Ben Roethlisberger he’s had no choice but to turn his life over to Jesus. [Ted Williams Head]
• The mascot for the Penn State Nittany Lions has been suspended for underage drinking. [Deuce of Davenport]
• Two incredibly distinct, yet profoundly homoerotic NFL-related in videos. Yeesh. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
• I think I actually do remember this shirt that Andre Dawson is wearing from an episode of A Different World. [The Sports Hernia Blog]
• Victoria Azarenka collapsed at the U.S. Open today due to the unbearable heat. Here are some photos and a video of the freaky scene. [Bob's Blitz]
• My old Deadspin friend Rob Iracane’s dad caught a home run ball at Yankee Stadium last night. [Walkoff Walk]
• The Onion Headline of the Day, Part II: Department Of Just Saying: ‘Been A While Since An Athlete Has Died During A Game’
Send tips, links and high praise for my awesome excellence to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.
